My children were meant to take different paths. They diverged early and intersect rarely, but when they do, they make beautiful music. Even if they don抰 always hear it. I hope they know I heard it for them. Beats and bad notes alike. Some families reunite every year at scheduled events梐nd I admire that. I really do. But spontaneity just happens to suit the Clarksons. Those rare moments when my children抯 paths take unexpected detours and they crash together, coming away different without realizing. Refusing to believe they can be influenced by someone with so little in common, but having it happen all the same.
Be brave! I wish I would have said that more often without throwing my own bravery in their faces. Be brave, crash together and fall apart. It抯 okay. It抯 okay to diverge, knowing sometime in the future, you抣l collide again. As long as those rare times are remembered, their meanings retained.
Listen to me. I sound like such a mother. Here抯 one more mom-ism for good measure匶ou kids stop bickering, or I抣l turn this car around right now?
揝top,?Rita croaked. 揟urn the car around.?
She looked up from the journal to find that the Suburban was already pulled over on the side of the road, its occupants staring at her from all corners. Tears plopped down on her hands, wetting the pages of Miriam抯 journal until Aaron tugged it away, and stowed it in his briefcase. Belmont watched her steadily in the rearview mirror, and Peggy gave her shoulders awkward, but enthusiastic, pats from the backseat.
And with those knowing eyes on her, she could suddenly see. See all the things she抎 been blind to for so long. Being in the kitchen earlier that night梥he抎 enjoyed herself. Maybe for the first time ever in a kitchen. Because those dishes had been made for her. For Jasper. No one else. She抎 finally figured out how to cook without fear. And it was due in part to the man she was leaving behind. The man who抎 spent days breaking her free of that prison, maybe without even being conscious of the difference he made, moment by moment.
Could she梥tay? Stay and love a man without the terror of disappointing him? Disappointing herself? Yes. Yes. Last night, a seed had been planted in Jasper抯 kitchen. The seed of enjoyment, love. Things cooking had made her feel before. Before they got lost in the attempt to be someone other than Rita. She抎 proven tonight it wasn抰 the cooking that had broken her. She抎 broken herself. But, dammit, she抎 also fixed the damage. With Jasper. Oh, God, Jasper. The only way she could disappoint him would be by leaving.
揑抦 sorry.?She spoke to Belmont because it was easiest and he抎 never had the ability to pass judgment with his face. 揑抦 sorry匢 know this was my idea. But I think I might have found a home with that man. The one I抦 meant for.?Rita doubled over, tucking her face between her knees. 揙h, God, I feel like I抦 dying. I hate it.?
Silence reigned for long moments before Aaron broke through. 揑t was Mom抯 idea, Rita. That抯 why we抮e here.?He shifted, looking out the window. 揧ou don抰 have to take responsibility for it. We would have found our way here somehow, all right??He reached over and nudged her shoulder. 揂nd卛f you finding a home is all that comes from this trip, it was worth it. I think maybe there抯 more for us four on the road, but the road ends for you here. You and your flannel-wearing babies.?
With a watery laugh, Rita unbuckled her seat belt and lunged across the seat, throwing her arms around Aaron抯 neck. 揑抦 sorry we were such assholes to each other.?
揗e too.?He planted a kiss on her forehead. 揂lthough I maintain I was right most of the time.?
A jagged sound left Rita as she pulled back, turning to Peggy. 揋od, Peggy. About the apartment棓
揇on抰 worry about it.?Peggy抯 eyelashes were clumped together with dampness, beautiful despite her red nose and distressed expression. Her hands fluttered a moment, and in what looked like an effort to anchor them, she nodded toward the front passenger seat. 揑抣l just have to convince Sage to move with me.?
A low growl from the driver抯 seat raised everyone抯 eyebrows, but Rita took the focus off her older brother by climbing out of the Suburban. After a moment of searching for her suitcase in the rear and coming up empty, Belmont抯 shoulder brushed against hers, making her look up in confusion. 揥here抯 my suitcase??
He glanced back toward Hurley. 揑 left it in the kitchen at Buried Treasure.?
Rita抯 throat tugged with so much gravity she had to circle it with two hands. 揥hat if I hadn抰 figured it out??
Her brother抯 sigh joined forces with the desert wind to ruffle her hair. 揟hen we would抳e had to come back. Or Jasper would have brought it to you. And maybe by then you抎 have figured it out.?
揟hank you,?Rita breathed, certain she couldn抰 carry the weight of so much feeling. Loving her family, missing Jasper. Something had to give. Pressure was pushing her from the insides, expanding by the second. On impulse, she reached out and laid a hand on Belmont抯 cheek. 揧ou抮e a great man, Belmont. A great one.?
Rita let her hand drop and stepped back, finding her siblings gathered around her. Sage, too. There they stood, on the side of the quiet road, draped in moonlight. And somehow it was the worst moment of her life, while doubling as the most important. The best. Surrounded by her past while the future lay a quarter mile away, a beacon glowing softly with subdued light. Rita hugged Peggy hard, still wishing like hell she抎 gotten to the bottom of her sister抯 heartache, but knowing Peggy had the inner strength to face it. Something she hadn抰 been sure of before the trip started.
Rita embraced Sage, whispering in her ear, 揟ake care of my brother,?and then she stepped back, away from the group. Toward Hurley. 揑抣l be on the beach New Year抯 Day. One way or another, I抣l be there. That抯 a promise.?
Sage gestured to the Suburban, still looking a little flustered from Rita抯 show of affection. 揇on抰 you want us to drive you back to town??
揘o,?Rita started jogging backwards, taking one last look at her family. 揑 have to do this myself.?
揜ita, you failed gym class three times,?Aaron called. 揧ou can抰 run for shit.?
Her laughter rang out in the night as she turned and ran.
Toward Jasper. Toward her life.
*
Jasper would never know what made him stop outside Buried Treasure, halfway to his car. Maybe he was listening for the sound of the Suburban pulling out of town. Maybe he didn抰 want to go home to an empty house just yet. Whatever the reason, Jasper paused at the edge of the parking lot, keys in hand, listening for something. When nothing presented itself but silence and the whispering of sand being carried from the desert to the asphalt, circling his feet, Jasper took another few steps toward the truck.
Those few steps gave him a view of the main road. Having grown up in Hurley, he knew every bump and lump of the town. So when something in the distance appeared to be getting larger, moving under streetlights and vanishing before reappearing again, his curiosity forced him toward it, needing to get a better look, an erratic pump beginning in his chest. His fingers loosened, his keys dropped to the ground, but taking his gaze off the approaching figure was impossible, so he kept walking. Walking down the center of the main road, like some kind of sleepwalking maniac. Sand crunched underneath his boots, less and less time passing in between the sounds. Was he running now? Yeah梱eah, he was running.
Rita. It was Rita. His heart had known it back in the parking lot, but his eyes had refused to accept the gift. He抎 truly thought the woman couldn抰 get any more beautiful to him, but watching her sprint toward him in the partially illuminated darkness, hair streaming out behind her, face broken into a smile梱eah, he changed his mind. She could get more beautiful. So beautiful he stumbled in the road and fell to his knees, opening his arms just in time for Rita to dive into them, knocking them both backwards.