I'm not sure if talking with Nox about their deaths has rattled me, but I find myself calming down in the easy practice of making the pancakes. They’re practically foolproof to make, and as long as I can stop myself from getting lost in my own thoughts, I won’t burn them either.
I make way too many for just myself, so I chop a platter of fruits up as toppings and grab the honey and maple syrup out before I reach out to Gabe and Atlas to see if they want to join me.
By this time, it's getting closer to five a.m., so I don't feel quite so guilty about waking them up. Neither of them mind, of course, and Atlas is standing in the kitchen with me before his eyes are even properly open, his hands framing my face as he presses our foreheads together.
He takes a deep, deep breath before he murmurs, “Please don't disappear like that again.”
I sigh out a small giggle that’s more breath than substance and murmur back to him, “Do you mean the soul-bonding part or the part where I slept in someone else's room?”
He gives me a wry look without leaning away, very aware of the fact that I'm purposefully not saying Nox’s name, before he mutters back to me, “Both. All of it, everything. Let's not do any of that again.”
I press in to him, closer to wrapping my arms around his waist, as Gabe finally stumbles out of his room, half-dressed and sleep-rumpled in all his glory. “I’m never going to tell you that I won't do it again, because if something happens to any of you again, that is exactly what's going to happen. I'm not sorry about it either.”
Atlas nods and then releases me with one last kiss, happy enough to share me with Gabe as my Shifter bundles me up into a warm hug. I inhale deeply, my lungs expanding with the delicious scents of him as Atlas grabs the platters of food and moves them towards the table.
Gabe doesn't feel the need to question why I had ended up in Nox's room or why I had been so willing to sacrifice myself for him. Instead, he tucks his head into the crook of my neck and just enjoys the embrace before we head over to the table to the food.
Eating with the two of them is a rowdy and fun experience.
They bicker with each other about building and fighting prowess, and I'm happy enough to stuff my face until I feel as though my stomach is going to explode. Using my Gift has always left me hungry, and I've been using more of it lately than ever before. Even as my plate slowly empties, I start thinking about what I can make for myself next, or maybe a trip down to see the chef is in order.
I wonder if I could convince him to make me some lobster rolls?
“I thought you were heading down to the training center?”
I startle at the sound of Nox's voice, but only because I'm still not used to them being able to sneak up on me. Atlas frowns at the movement, but when I smile at Nox, he eases up a little, just enough that I don't begin to panic that there's about to be an all-out brawl in the kitchen.
I swallow my mouthful of pancakes and with a shy smile, I say back, “I was, but then Gryphon told me that his parents were going to be down there. He didn't seem very happy about it. I got the feeling that he didn't want me to be around while the debrief was happening, so I made food here instead. There’s still heaps left, if you want some?”
Nox’s face, that was as calm and placid before as he ever gets, sets into a foul grimace as he turns on his heel and stomps back to his room.
My heart sinks a little bit, but then Gabe’s face looks about the same, and I realize it's got nothing to do with me. Atlas looks between the three of us and then says, “What's the deal with his parents? Why haven’t we seen them before?”
Gabe grimaces and shoves the last of his pancakes into his mouth, talking around them without a shred of shame. “Gryphon’s dad is an old school TacTeam leader. He used to be in the top dog position here, but when Gryphon worked his way up the ranks, he couldn't handle his kid having such a high position and moved to work remotely.”
I scowl, and Gabe nods in return. “He doesn't like the Draven brothers either. He insists on starting shit with the two of them, just to prove a point. North used to be able to deal with him civilly, but the last time they had it out before he left, he made shitty comments about Nox and basically said that Gryphon used his Bonded Group as a way to move up the ranks. He completely ignored the fact that his son is the best TacTeam member that we have and deserves to be in the highest position of power.”
Gryphon had conveniently left all of that information out of his quick explanation this morning.
I swallow and glance over my shoulder at the empty doorway where Nox had stood, chewing my lip a little as I think.
“Gryphon wouldn't have told me all of that because he would have been worried about my bond,” I say slowly, and Nox steps back into the room, now fully dressed, Mephis and Procel at his feet.
“Exactly, but I think that meeting your bond is precisely what the General needs, Oleander. Would you like to join me?”
This feels incredibly mischievous, and a smile tugs at the corner of my lips, even as Gabe and Atlas both shoot me disapproving looks.
Like hell am I going to let someone disrespect my Bonded Group. After everything Gryphon does for us all, there’s no way I’m going to have someone questioning him or undermining his authority, especially someone who should know better.
Gabe curses as I stand, but my voice is nothing but sweetness as I reply, “Sure, why not? Just give me a second to change into something a little more appropriate for the training center.”
Gabe and Atlas both insist on coming with us, though Nox has no interest in waiting around for the two of them to throw some clothing on so that they’re not running through the town in their boxers. I don’t want my Bonded being on show like that though, so I take my time finding shoes and getting my hair tied back to give them both time to get covered up. Azrael sits at my feet with big eyes and his head cocked as he huffs at me in frustration.
He is not happy about the delay.
When we finally step out of the house, Nox directs me over to one of the ATV vehicles that only has two seats, smirking as he plans to leave the other two behind. Gabe shakes his head at him and starts stripping, ready to shift into something with claws and fur that runs quickly.
Atlas just rolls his eyes at him as he steps over to the garage, opening it up and revealing another ATV vehicle for the two of them to use, rolling his eyes some more when Gabe laughs, shoving his shirt back on in a haphazard way.
I can’t help but laugh with him, surprised at how light and joyful I feel now. There's a part of me that knows it isn't just having Nox that has lightened my spirit.
The fact that he knows what I did and is still choosing to be with me has lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders.
There's a part of me that believes that my other Bonded wouldn’t be so quick to forgive me for literal murder, the worst sort of crime because there was no one more innocent in that moment than my parents, and knowing that Nox wouldn't leave me even if the others might is incredibly freeing.
I have someone who has seen all of the ugliest, darkest, and worst parts of me, and instead of hating me— continuing to hate me, even— he’s chosen to love me instead.
For the first time since I was fourteen, I can breathe without the crushing weight of my guilt and the what-ifs.