Tears fill my eyes, but when the first one threatens to fall, he reaches over to catch it. Even in the darkness of the room, I can see the heartbreak in his eyes. I want to reach out to him to fix it the same way that he has soothed every fear and pain and trouble in my life from the moment he decided to let me in.
Some long before that.
But I don't want to pull away from Nox. The sound of his heartbeat is the only thing holding me together right now, and I’m terrified to let that go, even for a minute, but North knows.
He always knows.
He nods at me without me saying a word, giving and giving and giving to his brother without question or judgment, giving everything he can to him, as though he is attempting to fill a void. He’d give everything to me as well. Even in my panicked state, I can’t deny it now with him lying here with me. He’d give everything until he had nothing left for himself, I’m sure of it.
Chapter Eighteen
Nox
I don’t like sharing my bed with anyone.
There’s never been an exception to that rule.
The idea of having another body lying with my own all night is abhorrent, exposing in all of the worst ways, and I was never going to take the risk of having a nightmare and my shadow creatures tearing someone apart just because of the demons in my head. The only person I had ever let enter my rooms before all of this Bonding shit was North, and only because there’s a small part of me that feels as though I owe him.
He carries a lot of weight on his shoulders, thanks to me.
The only reason I had allowed Oleander to sleep in my bed, both back at the Draven mansion and here in the Sanctuary, was because my bond had insisted on it. I’d fought it every step of the way. In the end, the threats it had whispered to me, the things it had promised to do the moment it took control of my body, all of it was more than enough to have me conceding on this one issue, cracking the door open just the tiniest bit to let her peer into the space I take up in this dark hellhole of mine. I was so sure that I would stay firm in my beliefs and keep her out of my head.
I was wrong.
I’m also glad I was wrong.
I wake up next to Oleander, her face turned in towards mine even with North wrapped around her like a blanket. Her lips are so close to mine, close enough that when she sighs in her sleep, I feel her breath like a caress over my skin. The neck of the shirt that she’s wearing is pulled low on her body and shows off the smooth lines of her neck and shoulder.
I want to ruin the skin there, mark her up, make sure that when she walks out of this room, everyone knows exactly who it is that she belongs to. I want to keep her here all day, to own her time and her body and every last one of her thoughts the way that she’s come to own mine.
I want all of those things to myself, and my brother lying in the bed with us is the only thing that stops me.
There’s a text message from Gryphon waiting for me on my phone, a reminder that we have a debrief waiting for us this morning about the meeting with the non-Gifted leaders. I’ve found more than enough references to the void-eyed gods in the new documents that need to be discussed, so as much as I loathe sitting around talking about shit instead of doing something about it, I’m eager to get to this debrief.
We can’t ignore what I’ve found any longer.
We can’t just sit around on our thumbs waiting for things to happen to us instead of taking action, no matter how cautious everyone else wants to be. Better to go in with everything we have at our disposal, and with Oleander, that’s a lot of fire power.
I carefully get out of the bed and make my way to the shower, avoiding the shadow creatures still sleeping away happily. They’ve become more docile and sleepier since my death, but the power that Oleander’s bond had sent me at the Wasteland had perked them back up. I know that it’s temporary, that getting back to wielding my own Gift will right things, but it’s still jarring to see them act like that.
The fact that they allowed North and August in here last night without a fight is telling.
When I step back out of the shower, my hair wet and Procel sitting happily by the door waiting for me, I hear it. I wait for the burn of repulsion in my throat or even the curling pressure of jealousy in my gut, but there’s nothing there. No reaction except for maybe desire to join in.
A foreign concept, if there ever were one.
The bathroom door is still open where I’d left it like that, another anomaly, and with a single step forward, I can see them both there in my bed, Oleander’s head thrown back as she bites her lip to hold in her moaning. She’s grinding herself against North’s hand where it disappears into the front of the boxers she’s stolen from one of her Bonds. My brother’s face is hidden, tucked into the crook of her neck as he gets off on the pure experience of pleasuring his Bonded.
She looks magnificent.
Her cheeks are flushed and her lips are red where she’s biting them. Her body moves on its own as she writhes uncontrollably, liquid and wanton as she climbs higher and higher. Her eyes meet mine across the room, her eyelids flaring wide as another moan ekes out from between her lips. I hold her gaze until her eyes roll back in her head as she comes, her head falling back onto North’s shoulder and her thighs clenching against his hand as though she’s trapping it against her clit.
North’s fingers fuck her through the orgasm.
He doesn’t stop pleasuring her, doesn’t falter as he ruthlessly drives her back to the edge and keeps her mindless with ecstasy. One of his shadows moves to tug the fabric of the shorts down her legs, stripping her lower half until she’s on display. I’m trapped in my own body as I watch North’s fingers plunge into her cunt, the wet sounds of her pussy echoing through the room and drawing me over to her.
She’s keening in his arms, practically weeping as he keeps going until she’s begging him for mercy, the overstimulation leaving her a twitching mess amongst my sheets.
I’m expecting him to fuck her.
I wouldn’t even get angry at him for doing it. When he finally stops and lets his fingers slide out of her, he turns his face to murmur something in her ear, brushing her hair away from her face as he coaxes soft kisses out of his Bonded. This feels more intimate than watching him fuck her, something softer and more private, but neither of them seem concerned that I’m still watching them together.
When North gets up and leaves, I finally find myself able to move again.
I can’t stop myself from going to her, from taking her by the ankles and dragging her further down the bed to eat her out, enjoying the pained moan she gives me. The taste of her cum is addicting, and I don’t stop until I’ve given her the same amount of orgasms that North had, until her legs are shaking, her hands are fisted in my sheets, and she’s mumbling prayers for mercy.
She’s a boneless mess but still, the moment I climb back onto the bed, she’s rolling over to me, a little shy as she wriggles down to fist my cock. When I settle back, more than happy for her to be touching me, she licks a stripe from the base to the tip. She’s made brave by my head lolling back on my shoulders, humming happily under her breath when I groan as she swallows me whole.
Whoever taught her that did a great fucking job.
I want to lie back and let her go, to see what it is that she wants to do to me, but I can’t help myself. I get a fistful of her hair, enjoying the sight of the silvery strands running through my fingers, and I tug her down my length a little quicker, pushing and pushing until I can feel my own release racing towards me.