LOIS BEST:
Leaving there, I just had this sad feeling for them all. Like I knew something sad would happen. If it had been up to me, I would have had them all moved too, but what could I do? I didn’t know anything, I just felt it. I cried every day for a week when the news broke about Zoe.
KIMBERLY NOLAN:
We kept expecting Lois’s room to be given to another student, but it never happened. In the end, we just started using it for storage space, a spare bed. And actually, the only other person who stayed in there—a friend of Alex’s—said basically the same thing: it sounded like there was someone in the room with her. I don’t think any of us were curious about it. It was just a horrible, dark, cramped space that made noise. I know I’m flashing forward a bit, but just to say, Zoe hated that stuff. She wouldn’t even look in it. She’d never have gone in there in a million years.
ANDREW FLOWERS:
I walked around all night feeling like shit, about the past and the present. You only really miss your mother when you know you’ll never see her again. I wasn’t speaking to my father at the time and I’d dropped Jai, the closest thing I had to a friend, right in the shit. It was one of those nights when you feel like there’s nothing in front of you. Somehow, I arrived at the tower, probably with half a bottle of bourbon in me. It was late, but I thought, whatever, and buzzed what I thought was the flat where we’d been the night before. I couldn’t believe it when the girl I’d been speaking to actually picked up. I sort of said, “Hi, me and a couple of friends were in your kitchen last night. I know things went south, but I was wondering if I could see you again? I was wondering if we could talk?” I just wanted to explain, tell her it wasn’t us who’d stolen her clothes and check that she was okay. And yes, I’ll admit I wanted to see her, to see if I’d feel that same spark again.
KIMBERLY NOLAN:
Shit, I’d forgotten that. Yeah, we were all awake after Lois’s scare, having a communal midnight hot chocolate with some rum or something, then the buzzer went off and I went to answer it. It was late, but I would have been thrilled to think it was Andrew, this hot toff I’d met the night before. I wanted to see him again, but I looked over my shoulder, saw us all bonding there for the first time, and told him I was sorry, I was busy. I think I said we should try another day.
ANDREW FLOWERS:
I said, “Sure.” I wished her a good night and walked on. There were some corners of Owens Park that got so dark you could convince yourself you didn’t exist, so I went and stood in one for a while and finished whatever I was drinking, watching the occasional person walk by, none of them even knowing I was there.
What I’m saying is that in my mind, there was no Zoe Nolan.
I’d met Kim that first night, I’d talked to her, so when the police snatched what looked like a picture of Kim from Jai, I assumed it was her clothes that had gone missing. I assumed it was her who must have called the cops, et cetera, et cetera. I didn’t have her name yet, but that’s what I thought. And absurdly, that misunderstanding, that mix-up, has more or less altered the course of my entire life. There are always moments when you look back, these weak spots you realize your entire existence hinged on. You could say that my arrest was one of those. I mean, after it, the relationship with my family was more or less irretrievable. And Zoe’s disappearance was, of course, another low-water mark that would go on to define my future. But not getting Kimberly’s name when I met her. That’s the one that fucking haunts me.
JAI MAHMOOD:
I developed film all day in fits and starts. Obviously, I couldn’t use the bathroom uninterrupted, but everyone was sound about it at first. When I redid my shot of Zoe, it came out even better the second time. Her on the ledge of the tower, looking like she’s contemplating life more than contemplating suicide. It was black-and-white, so the shadows really stuck out, Touch of Evil–vibes, pure noir. And then I noticed this shadow that shouldn’t of been there, this shadow that had the same shape as a man.
Someone had been standing at the other side of the roof where I couldn’t see, like he’d been watching her while she dangled her foot over the edge. I told the police this after Zoe went missing, but by then, the picture and the negative had both disappeared, both nicked out of my room, so either I imagined it or someone really didn’t want it to be seen.
* * *
1 This interview was conducted by Joseph Knox and added to Evelyn’s text in 2019.
2 This police report was added to Evelyn’s text by Joseph Knox in 2019.
3 This statement was added to Evelyn’s text by Joseph Knox in 2019.
From: [email protected]
Sent: 2019-01-22 23:33
To: you
Are you still reading the chapters, JK? Feel a bit like I’m talking into the void.
After Sirens came out, did you feel more confident as a writer? I don’t know how I can feel MORE frustrated and confused but I really do. A second book should be like the 13th floor of a hotel. You just skip the fucker entirely.
Did I ever tell you that Curtis Brown tried to get me to write a cancer book? Mum died of breast cancer, so they thought it might be “fun” to chart my progress against hers, like that’s how either one of us would want to be remembered. It was before I’d even finished chemo, when it could still have gone either way. I replied suggesting some titles: Almost Gone Girl, Infinite Tests, Remission Impossible. They never got back to me.
XXXX XXXXXX XXXXX XXXXXX XXXXX XXXXXX XXXXXX XXXXXX XXXXXX XXXXXXX XXXXXX XXXXXXX XXXXXXX XXXXXXX XXXXXX XXXXXX XXXXXX XXXXX XXXXX XX XXXXX XXXXXXX XXXXXXX XXXXXXX XXXXXXXXX XXXXXXX XXXXXXXX XXXXXX
Anyway, the reason I’m writing is that someone called my landline the other morning, at THREE in the morning. I didn’t even know my landline still worked. There was no heavy breathing sadly, so I couldn’t get myself off, just silence then the dial tone.
Too much to hope that it was you tryna remember my number after a few stiff ones, eh?
Thought so.
Ex
5.
“Evil Eyes”
Zoe and Andrew meet each other on a night out, while a sinister presence begins to make itself known in Zoe’s life, social circle, and bedroom.