He said something like, “Are you still into it?”
I looked back at him and said, “Yes.” Then we broke apart and he led me upstairs to the bedroom. I remember following him, watching my hand in his like it was an out-of-body experience. I wasn’t sure if Zoe knew this house or not, and I didn’t want to give anything away, so I kept my eyes low. Once we were on the bed, everything was easier. He wasn’t looking for reasons to stop or slow down, and I kept on pushing, because I didn’t want him to stop or slow down either. Between kisses, he said he was relieved to see me. He asked me where I’d been. He said everyone was looking for me, so I whispered into his ear that he was the lucky one, he’d found me. I resisted everything he said, shushed him like it was all boring so he wouldn’t work out who I was and why I was there. And I kept on kissing him because I was afraid of him looking into my eyes. His hands kept going to my neck, but I had to keep them moving, because I didn’t want him to touch my wig. I just whispered that he should be quiet, said I’d straighten it all out. I’d just needed some time to think. Anderson said they knew about the money, said they’d asked about him, about it. I put my fingers on his lips and said the money was fine. There was a second where we broke apart, where he just stared at me, starting to squint, so I nodded at the bathroom, told him to go in while I undressed.
As soon as he left the room, I got up, head spinning, and walked down the stairs, past all these pictures of him with his wife and kid, then right out the front door. I was sick in his geraniums, then realized I’d left the wig inside, upstairs on the bed. I thought that was all the explanation I really owed him and left.
I think I was in and out in less than five minutes, and I left feeling like I do now. Sure of some things, unsure of others. I’m sure there was something going on between him and Zoe, sure he was moving money around, like his wife said afterward. I’m sure he was a scumbag. But at the same time, in my heart of hearts, I can’t say I feel like he had anything to do with her disappearance. He wasn’t surprised to see me at his door, he wasn’t surprised to see Zoe alive. He didn’t look at me like I was a mystery solved or someone who’d come back from the dead. He looked at me like his side piece had come back to her rightful place after some kind of argument. Michael Anderson was the same thing to me as I’m sure he was to Zoe—a disappointment, a dead end.
PROFESSOR MICHAEL ANDERSON:
I’m speechless. [Laughs] I’m actually speechless. Needless to say, none of that actually happened. None of that could have happened, because I didn’t know Zoe Nolan. If a young woman resembling her had actually arrived at my front door, I’d have called the police. And where’s my wife supposed to be in all this? Breastfeeding our baby in the spare room?
ALICE ELLIS:
I moved out in mid-January of that year. I’d say I was breastfeeding our baby somewhere around Cornwall, as Michael well knows. From what you’ve said, I’d be inclined to believe Kim. How else would she know about the pictures on the staircase? The en suite in our bedroom? Michael’s fucking geraniums? As much of a cliché as he could be, though, I never saw him as a killer. He certainly wasn’t violent. He did things that were easy. He screwed young girls who didn’t know any better, then lost interest when it got complicated.
And I was with him the night Zoe Nolan went missing. Not for every second, and he came to bed a good hour after I did, but he couldn’t possibly have gone to Owens Park and back in that time. Couldn’t possibly have disposed of a body. I want the world to know precisely what kind of person he is. And that means I can’t sit here and blame him for things I know he didn’t do.
KIMBERLY NOLAN:
I knew I had to do something for Zoe, something meaningful, and I did. The reconstruction was just a performance, somewhere my dad could live out his dreams of being a man of action, show the world he was in charge when actually he was falling apart. After confronting Anderson and taking my Zoe wig off, I felt a lot lighter. I left all those horrible voices from my head where they belonged, in a puddle of sick in some geraniums.
I thought the question of who’d planted Anderson’s picture, if anyone even had, wasn’t really mine to answer. It was just another mystery. For a second, I thought about telling the police, eliminating him as a suspect or whatever, but then I thought, Nah, let the fucker twist. Mainly, I thought about what Jai had said. The way Zoe had been thinking about me all those years, not as a failure but as something good. So I decided I should go out and actually earn her respect. I should find the thing that Kimberly Nolan might want to do with her life and then do it. I dropped out that day, packed a bag and left Manchester for good.
CHLOE MATTHEWS:
One thing I never said at the time, even though I probably should have. Mr. Nolan—he said to call him Rob—he came over and complimented me on looking so much like Zoe, like I said, and even played me a recording of her singing.
The way he put his arm around me, though…
It made me feel uncomfortable. I knew he was suffering, so I didn’t say anything then, but when he really started to grip me about the waist, I think I laughed awkwardly and looked at him, like, Please get the message. He took it the wrong way, though, brushed the hair back from my face and kissed me full on the lips. And I don’t mean in a fatherly way, although I was dressed up as his daughter. I mean his tongue pushed past my teeth. It was moving around inside my mouth before I could shake him off.
* * *
8 All interviews with Chloe Matthews were conducted by Joseph Knox and added to Evelyn’s text in 2019.
From: [email protected]
Sent: 2019-03-05 21:45
To: you
on Fri, Mar 01, 2019, Joseph Knox [email protected] wrote:
Hey E—I’ve tried calling a few times—wagwan? I just finished part two so I’m fully up to date. Kim confronting Anderson like that is insane. Don’t get any ideas. He’s got some balls even talking to you. Not to go back into it now, but whether she ruled him out or not, please be careful around the guy. He sounds like slime.
Jx
# # #
Sorry, Joe, it’s all been mad here and I’ve gone off the rails a bit.
I’ve been pulling all-nighters for months now. I’m broke and working flat-out, hanging on by the fucking rings around my eyes. So I was really hoping that’s why I’ve felt so rough lately. I decided to try and take it easy for a week or so but I think I might actually feel worse. I really don’t want to think about getting sick again rn. I can’t.