Anger is to be expected. Most do not want to be dead. While anger is a mostly useless emotion, it is valid to the DD. They believe they have the right to be upset. And they do! But while this is acceptable, it is up to the Reaper to make sure that anger isn’t all the DD knows. Since you have reviewed the DD’s file before your arrival, you should be in possession of the tools you’ll need to help your DD overcome their rage.
For example, you have been assigned to a HUMAN MAN NAMED BILL. BILL is angry because HE does not want to be dead. HE demands that you, as the Reaper, bring HIM back to life. HE threatens you, telling you that if you don’t correct this unfortunate situation, HE WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU HOLD DEAR.
Fear not! You have anticipated this, and you know some who have died will say or do anything to try to refute their new reality. While no one likes to be threatened, certain concessions need to be made when dealing with a DD. It is prudent for a Reaper to listen and show understanding while still maintaining an air of authority. Being sympathetic to the plight of the DD is paramount. And yet, a Reaper cannot under any circumstances allow the DD to assume control of the situation. The Reaper must be firm yet practical.
In the case of HUMAN MAN NAMED BILL, so long as HE isn’t harming you, HIMSELF, or others, allowing HIM to express HIS frustrations might diffuse the situation all on its own. If that’s the case, and HE has tired himself out, you can remind HIM of what you learned from HIS file. You recall that, in life, the HUMAN MAN NAMED BILL liked BOARD GAMES AND INTERNET VIDEOS OF SLOTHS CRAWLING SLOWLY ACROSS A ROAD. With this knowledge, you can remind your DD of these things, and experience a sense of accomplishment when you see BILL SMILING WITH HIS HUMAN MOUTH.
SECTION VMCDLI
NOW IT’S YOUR TIME TO SHINE!
This introductory guide to reaping is by no means all there is to know about your new position. While meant to give you the tools you need to be a success, it should be understood that HUMAN BEINGS are complicated and can be RUDE, CONTRADICTORY, AND SOMETIMES SMELLY. But the tools you have learned from this first volume will provide you with the means to begin the job for which you were hired.
You matter. You would not be reading this if you didn’t. While you are being held to a high standard, the faith that has been placed in you should not be taken lightly. You are a GOOD PERSON CAPABLE OF DOING GOOD THINGS, MEIYING.
That being said, a word of caution: Any deviation from this guide or any that follow may result in consequences. Depending on the nature of the violation, said consequences could include termination or being dismantled on a subatomic level. While it is understood that every situation is different, there is an order to life and death that must not be interrupted. If that happens, it could lead to the DESTRUCTION OF PLANET EARTH.
We hope you have enjoyed this introduction. Please take the next fifteen minutes to process what you have learned, and to write down any questions you might have. If there are questions, you may submit them to the Manager using form Q6G-97Z, and you will receive a timely response within TEN MONTHS.
Congratulations! You have reached the end of Volume I. After you have taken your allotted break to DRINK JUICE AND CONTEMPLATE THE MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE, please proceed to Volume II, where you will learn all about the exciting history of reaping on PLANET EARTH, including one of the first Reapers, a NEANDERTHAL named ERROR CODE ALC-FMG-600-010.
And remember: Death may be a business, but we are a family. And families never, ever question those in charge.
We believe in you!
The Manager
cc: Universe
TOR BOOKS BY TJ KLUNE
FOR YOUNG ADULTS:
The Extraordinaries
Flash Fire
FOR ADULTS:
The House in the Cerulean Sea
Under the Whispering Door
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
TJ KLUNE is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling, Lambda Literary Award–winning author of The House in the Cerulean Sea, The Extraordinaries, and more. Being queer himself, TJ believes it’s important—now more than ever—to have accurate, positive queer representation in stories.
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Twitter: @tjklune
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