Shirley paused and turned to her. “What’s wrong? We need to start dinner.”
“I want to say I’m sorry,” Ruth said.
“Nothing to be sorry about. You did a good job today, in a difficult situation.”
“No, I mean about marrying Asher. I’m sorry we eloped. You didn’t deserve that. He said you wouldn’t care.”
“Well, he was wrong, but I daresay you two were doing what you thought was best.”
Ruth knew Shirley was hurt about the elopement, but now she seemed hurt by what her son thought he knew about her. Ruth wanted to smooth things over. “I’m going to try even harder to understand where you’re coming from. I made too many false assumptions about you. Now that I see how much you care about strangers, I know how much your son must mean to you. I’ll do better at discussing things with you. I promise.”
“Thank you.” Shirley’s voice hitched as she spoke, and Ruth wondered if it was because she was touched by this sentiment or if she was simply exhausted from everything that had gone on today.
“I really do love him and want him to be happy,” Ruth said.
“I know.”
“He wants me to be happy too.”
“Of course he does.”
Ruth paused and gathered her thoughts. Shirley had opened up to Ruth today, sharing a very private part of herself, of her mission in life. Shouldn’t Ruth open up a bit in return? Cement their relationship a little more? “I’m going to get a job.”
“Is that so?”
Ruth’s defensiveness bubbled up because she knew she’d made a mistake. She should have waited for Asher. “I’ll explain later.”
Shirley put the knife on the counter, her eyes boring into Ruth’s. “You’re not normally at a loss for words, Ruth. Speak up.”
Ruth couldn’t quite tell if Shirley was encouraging her—or baiting her. Ruth debated what to say and held her breath. One. Two. Three.
“I’m studying to take the bar exam.” Ruth blurted it out faster than she’d wanted and stared at Shirley.
“We thought you went to Barnard.” Shirley smiled.
“I did, as an undergrad, before Columbia. The law’s the way I think I can help girls like Carrie. By changing the system. Asher thought you wouldn’t understand.” The words raced out. Ruth exhaled her secret in one big breath, and the confession lightened her. She’d manage the fallout. Shirley deserved honesty. Especially after today. Even if it meant Ruth was no longer seen as a promising daughter-in-law.
“Why did it take you so long to tell me?” Shirley’s voice was flat, not accusing, more inquisitive.
“I guess we were scared to disappoint you. That I wasn’t what you wanted for Asher.”
Shirley said nothing for a moment, then, “Don’t let anyone silence your voice, Ruth. Not even me.” Her voice was gentle, like she was speaking to a baby.
Ruth blinked. Was her mother-in-law giving her permission to live life the way she wanted? Permission to stop following society’s rules?
Shirley opened her mouth as if to say something else, and shut it. “I should take my own advice,” she mumbled, then cleared her throat. “I have a confession too, Ruth. Leon and I knew about Columbia.”
“How?” Unless Asher had told his mother. But she could trust him, couldn’t she?
“I wasn’t about to let a stranger move into my house. I did some digging. Jewish geography, you know. It wasn’t that hard. And do you know what we found?”
“I wouldn’t try to guess.” Even though Ruth had no other secrets, she still worried what her in-laws had found out.
“We discovered a nice Jewish girl who had just finished Columbia Law School. I figured you were only there to find a husband. You found one, of course, but as I started to get to know you, I realized that wasn’t the reason you were studying law. I imagine you must want to use your education. It isn’t something I would’ve done, but times are changing. Who knows what things will be like when you have children.”
Ruth blushed. Yes, there was so much she didn’t know about this family.
“You gave up your home and put your dreams on hold for our son. You have nothing to prove. The etiquette lessons, the hair, the fashions—they’re not important.”
Ruth doubted this and twisted her mouth. “I don’t believe you.”
Shirley laughed. “Fine, I do think they’re important, but not the most important. Love and loyalty rank higher. And honesty, under the right circumstances.”
“I agree.” Ruth could not believe she agreed with her mother-in-law. Times really were changing.
Shirley nodded. Ruth brought the spices for the rub and they worked side by side in companionable quiet. In silence there was a new comfort for Ruth. She hoped Shirley felt the same way.
Shirley broke it. “You know, if you don’t take that exam soon, I’ll have your father to answer to.”
“What does he have to do with this?”
“His only daughter was moving into my house a hundred miles away. You don’t think he gave me and Leon the third degree? When the dust settled, and we realized we all had the same interests at heart, your father confirmed what we’d already discovered about your career aspirations.”
“Oh no.”
“He’s a real mensch, Ruth. Asher was taking you away, but he saw the love between you. Of course, he had an advantage. He actually knew Asher.” Shirley covered her mouth with her hand and then lowered it. “I’m sorry. My mouth talks sometimes before my brain can stop it.”
“I know the feeling.”
Shirley laughed. “It was hard for your father to let you go so far away, but he really loves you. He asked us to promise two things. To treat you like our own daughter and encourage you to always follow your dreams. So you wouldn’t lose who you are, who he raised you to be. You don’t want us in trouble with your father, do you?”
Verklempt, Ruth swallowed and shook her head. She smiled. “Of course not.”
“You’ll understand when you’re a parent too.” Shirley walked over to Ruth and squeezed her hands, transmitting affection and conveying pride—or trying to. “I may not have had a great experience with lawyers, but I do believe you will be one of the good ones.”
Ruth smiled. She might even have been blushing. She might not know what it was like to have a mother, but the warmth she felt from having this mother-in-law, this woman, her new family, here to support her, was something she wanted to keep.
Chapter 27
LILLIAN
When Lillian returned home from Shirley’s without the coffee can with its dollars and coins, she should have felt lighter, but she didn’t. Weighed down by everything she’d learned that day, she might as well have been carrying bricks.
Anna, Shirley, Carrie—so many women had lived with brutal secrets. Including her blameless mother. It was so unfair. And the effects went out like ripples on the water—women injured, children without parents. Her mother must have had strength of her own to survive. And to make sure that Lillian never got hurt by her father. The least she could do was honor that by being strong herself.