“Then maybe I don’t want to live anymore,” she protested, yanking her head back from mine. I touched my forehead to hers, holding her steady as I touched my other hand to her cheek.
The crash back to reality would hurt. It would leave her feeling like a half-empty shell of herself without the power filling her.
“You want to live,” I said, pressing my skin more tightly to her mark. She flinched back again. “The dead cannot feel pleasure. Come back to me, and I’ll fill that emptiness in you with me for the night, min asteren.” I promised her the one thing I suspected could bring her back from the lure of the magic in her veins.
It wasn’t only me that the mate bond affected, despite Estrella’s unwillingness to acknowledge that she was just as insatiable for me as I was for her.
She twisted her head to the side as if she might dislodge my grip, but I held her tight, staring into her dark eyes as the stars slowly faded from them. It wasn’t a fast process, and our bath water cooled as her eyes filled with tears and the black faded to her normal green.
Her fingertips stayed painted in the night sky, that change refusing to leave her. It would make it far more difficult to hide what she was from any who passed us by. Should we encounter another Fae, they would know that my mate was no mere human.
They would likely come to suspect the very same thing I already did.
“Caelum,” Estrella’s soft voice whispered finally, the first of her tears falling and skimming over the skin of her cheek. It sparkled with the displaced power removing itself from her body, and she sucked back a rough gasp as air filled her lungs.
She winced in pain, the crash back into a human form taking everything from her. I released her finally, standing and stepping out of the tub. She grasped the sides, but whereas before it had seemed natural, as if she couldn’t contain that aggression in her body, now it was pained. Her nails dragged over the metal surface of the basin as she clung to it, her head lolling to the side with the sudden effort of holding it up.
I quickly dried myself with the linen beside the bath, reaching into the tub and pulling her free from the water. She shivered the moment the cool air kissed her skin, shoving her face into my neck as if she could suck the warmth from my body.
“It hurts,” she gasped, her skin raising with the tiny pinpricks of goosebumps.
“I know, min asteren,” I said. I dried her quickly and efficiently with the linen, discarding it to the side and maneuvering her to the bed we’d borrowed for the night.
I could only claim ignorance for so long if she continued to show signs like this. I could only claim a reasonable doubt to a point, before my orders from Mab would interfere with my ability to protect my mate.
I crawled into the bed after her, tugging the blanket up to cover us both as I pressed my body against the side of hers. She shivered, leaning into the touch as if she needed it.
“I can take some of it from you,” I said, keeping my voice low.
Estrella’s confused stare met mine, and she nodded. “Please.”
“You’ll have to let me in. I can siphon it through the bond, but there may be side effects. It would not be unexpected for you to seek out more of a physical connection with me, unless a time comes when you choose to sever the mental link,” I explained, watching as Estrella’s eyes rounded. She pressed further into my body, leaving me with no doubt that it wasn’t the physical aspect that made her hesitate.
It was the knowledge that I would be inside her mind; I would see all the vulnerabilities she tucked away and tried to hide from my prying eyes. I’d infiltrated her heart. She’d given me her body. Her mind was her last stronghold—the one with the potential to change everything for us—and she damn well knew it.
14
ESTRELLA
He waited, lying quietly beside me, remaining patient as he studied my face for any answer I might give. My body throbbed, the pain extending through every bone and muscle that lurked beneath my skin. I couldn’t seem to grasp where I began and where I ended, the power that had extended out from me feeling as if it had changed my very nature—my very being—down to the core.
He could help me. He could take some of the pain through the bond, but I’d have to allow him to access my mind for a little while to do it. I didn’t have time to understand what he might see, or if he’d be able to root around inside my memories or search through each and every one of my conscious thoughts.
The one nagging thought that persisted through all of these possibilities, the one motivation, was that I would gain equal access to him. I’d be able to see inside him, to feel how he felt. There would be no questioning his motives after something like this. I’d know if the love he claimed to feel for me was real or if it was another fabrication—another exaggerated truth to suit his purpose.
I nodded, meeting his vivid blue gaze with mine. His eyes flashed with frost, like the first snow falling behind his lashes. “I need the words, Little One,” he said, his forehead dropping against mine.
He held my stare, watching me work through the consequences of what I would permit. I could handle the pain, even as it threatened to tear me limb from limb. What I could not do was pass up the opportunity to understand him, to have a firmer grasp on what our bond meant to him.
“Yes,” I agreed, giving him the verbal assent he required. My consent, in something of this magnitude especially, mattered to him. He would not take my mind by force.
Caldris nodded, raising his head slightly to stare down at me. He raised a hand, cupping my cheek and touching the edge of his palm to my Fae Mark. “Close your eyes,” he murmured softly, and I did as he commanded. Letting them drift closed, I focused on the comforting feeling of his thumb coaxing my skin. On the way it beckoned me to a place where part of me slumbered, waiting to awaken. “I want you to visualize the bond between us. What do you see?” he asked, his voice soft and low.
I hesitated, twisting my mouth and feeling exposed as I imagined the golden thread of fate between us. “It's a thread, like spun gold shimmering in the candlelight,” I said, lifting a hand as if I could touch it. I plucked it with a single finger, the vibration in the thread itself making my heart quicken, putting the rhythm of its beat out of time.
Caldris gasped, making my eyes fly wide open. He stared down at me in shock, touching a hand to his chest for a moment before he shook off whatever had come over him. “Keep your eyes closed, min asteren,” he said, smiling softly as I let them drift closed once more.
One day, I’d ask about the shock on his face when I’d touched the thread of our bond. One day, I’d gather that thread into my hands and play with its very creation.
“Follow that thread back to yourself. There’s something blocking our bond, something in the way, not allowing me to reach you. What is it?” he asked, that soft bass lulling me nearly to sleep. I forced the tiredness away, running my fingers along the thread. My soul hummed inside my body, the vibration of my touch along the thread pulsing through me entirely until I reached the blockade.
“It’s my window,” I said, abandoning the thread to reach trembling fingers out to touch the cracked glass of the window in my shack in Mistfell.
“Your window?” Caldris asked, his voice laced with confusion as I tapped a single finger against the crack.