My feet stayed rooted exactly where they were, and it took everything in me to release the breath I was holding. He was onto too much. My voice wobbled, and I could hear how thin it sounded—nervous, I was nervous—but there was nothing to be scared of. And before I ran out of guts, I blurted out another slice of truth. “Hiding is a very strong word.”
Not a single thing changed about his sharp features. His voice was deceptively steady as he asked in a mocking voice, the sarcastic son of a bitch, “Is it?”
I nodded slowly. “Yeah. I would rather not be found. That’s not the same as hiding, if you want to get technical.”
Those purple eyes were intense, and for one second, they glowed bright before dimming back to normal.
I pressed my lips together, and before he could ask something else, I rushed to change the subject and went with the first thing I could think of. “So… while we’re on the topic of personal questions… do you know who or what did that to you? Because I’ve been losing sleep thinking about having my limbs rendered, as you called it, and I’m paranoid something is going to happen to me every time I go for a run.”
The soft sound he made through his nose made the hairs on the back of my neck rise. Every time I got close to him, I’d noticed how he made my skin feel, and if I was beside him for too long, it made the rest of me feel weird too, but not in a bad way. But this? It was different.
And that was the wrong thing to fucking ask from how deep his growl had come out. Only he could have questions. Glad we had that sorted.
“Okay, we don’t need to talk about that,” I muttered under my breath.
I needed to stop asking questions. Stick to business. Dammit, I knew that. But he was talking more than before, and even though I wasn’t sure how I felt about his sparkling personality, he was still someone in my presence, still someone I could talk to, and here we were.
I side-eyed him. “You know what? I’m going to go check my mailbox before it gets any later.” I’d decided not to go for a run since he was awake. The last thing I needed was for him to fall and get hurt. Then he’d be here for longer. Neither one of us needed that. “If you can feed yourself, I’ll leave your plate on the table right here. If not, I’ll be right back,” I told him before consciously walking toward the front door as calmly as possible and not like I was on the verge of throwing up from Mr. Observant over here.
Was I that obvious? Or did he pay that much attention? At this point, I was 99 percent sure he couldn’t read minds.
On the other hand, maybe he was playing the long game and fooling me into thinking he couldn’t.
I side-eyed him again.
He didn’t say shit, but I could feel his gaze follow me out of the kitchen and through the living room. It wasn’t until I was through the door, down the stairs, and halfway across the driveway that I happened to glance back toward the house.
The Defender was on the top step. His head was tossed slightly back, and a beam of moonlight brushed his perfect face. He almost looked like an angel.
An angel of death with that personality but an angel.
One who needed to get better so he could leave sooner than later, because I really did have to go.
But I was going to miss this place.
These five acres of land had kept me busy enough so that I didn’t have a lot of time to sit around; that would have made me go crazy. There were thistles I had to dig out, a garden I’d taught myself how to care for, and countless little things that always needed to be worked on. I’d been at peace here.
After losing my grandparents, I had finished our rental agreement in Texas before I’d moved here; my grandma and I had picked it in advance. There had been a movie filmed close by, and that was how I had learned about it in the first place. It had fit all the criteria for every other location we’d ever stayed, so why not? We’d lived in New Mexico before, and it had been just fine, hot as balls and all.
Even though it had felt like cheating—living on without them—things had been okay. Hard but okay. The world had become bigger and smaller at the same time without their presence. I hadn’t known what to do with myself, not having them to care for after so many years.
It had been the first time in my whole life I could almost do what I wanted. For so long, I had tried to be the person they wanted and needed me to be. I had followed most of their tight rules, rarely rebelling because I couldn’t bear to talk back to them and hurt their feelings. I’d almost always done what I was told to because it was for the greater good.
And as much as I would have traded all of it to have them back, I had chugged along.
Loneliness was a hemorrhoid you couldn’t see but could always feel was there.
Now, I was overwhelmed with the future, for the uncertainty, but I was still here, and I had enough work to pay my bills, and maybe, just maybe my situation would change. I had to hold on to that hope. I’d seen the news, even though I’d changed the channel as fast as possible.
I was going to do my best, and that meant I had to keep helping the fool who was clutching the post for dear life as he struggled to stand, all so he could soak up some moonlight.
He looked… almost happy.
Tenderness and what I was pretty sure was a protective instinct tickled me right between the shoulder blades.
There was only so much I could do for my own situation, and there was only so much I even understood about his, but what I could do, I would. Even if he was a bit of a shit. But there had to be a good heart in there somewhere for him to do what he did for this world.
Some people criticized the Trinity for not doing more, for not jumping into every situation that went haywire, for not saving every single person in every unfortunate incident. I understood though; there was only so much they could do. So many places they could be. I’d read someone’s hypothesis on what they believed regarding their involvement—the Trinity didn’t get involved in political affairs unless mass, innocent casualties were at stake. They helped in smaller situations if they were already in the area. Mostly though, they only stepped in if whatever was happening would cause mass damage to the planet. If crime had gone down over the last couple of decades, it was out of humanity’s fear of the planet’s powerful protectors.
Plus, there had been that phase for a couple of years where idiots had tried shooting them with guns and grenade launchers, and the world had learned real quick that weapons were nothing more than gnats to them.
Maybe not even that.
I figured we should all be grateful for their existence and quit expecting them to constantly save us. They did what they could. And that reason alone was why I was here.
Maybe he would never need help again in his life, so I had to make this count, I told myself again as I made it to the mailbox and opened it. There was nothing in there, as expected. Most of the little mail I got went to my PO Box. I’d just wanted an excuse to get out of the house for a minute, and this had been the first excuse I could think of. The house felt so small with him in it.
Then add him being a pain in the ass and the urge to talk to him but being fully aware I couldn’t, and… here I was.
I rubbed my face.
Palming my phone, I pulled it out of my pocket and hit the buttons on the screen to call my voice mail. A few more touches started replaying my saved messages.