That meant something. It had to.
I could trust him. Some. Couldn’t I? I had no choice but to try. “Let me see if they have anything in here to make for breakfast, and hopefully someone will get here soon.” Which then reminded me…
He didn’t move as I brushed by him and started digging through the cabinets like this wasn’t some stranger’s house we had snuck into. Like I wouldn’t go to jail if we were caught. We were criminals now, technically.
But I was also a hungry one and a sick one, and one day I’d just have to pay these people back somehow too. Like the last ones. That should be the least of my worries right now though. I just wanted some food so I could take more painkillers.
It didn’t take me long to rifle through what turned out to be well-stocked cabinets. The freezer was packed too. For a moment, I’d thought about looking through drawers for cash, but I really, really didn’t want to do that. It was one thing to steal food but a totally different thing to take actual money.
But if whoever this Agatha person was could pull through and get us a car… and cash, then we would be fine. At least he had one person he could rely on for help. Maybe he had more.
I could feel his gaze on me as I grabbed four cans and a packet of biscuits from the freezer. So many questions rolled around in my head as I prepped the food that the silence wasn’t awkward. I was going to be living with him. Or near him. That was still a pill to swallow.
It made me want to sweat.
“Are you having another meltdown?”
That snapped me out of it. “No.”
The look he gave me said he didn’t believe me. Not at all.
And there must have been something in the expression I gave him right back because he blinked.
“Don’t start,” he grunted.
I stared at him.
He pointed at me. “No.”
I kept staring at him.
Alex narrowed his eyes even more. “Think of something else.”
“What?” I whispered.
“Anything.”
Anything?
Pressing my lips together, I tried. I really did, but my thoughts only went to one place. The same place they always did—to the three hundred questions that lived on my tongue at any given point. So really, it was his fault for why I asked, “Did you want to do something else? When you were little?” I thought about it. “If you were ever little.” I really, really didn’t think he’d been grown in a test tube at this point, but you never knew.
“I grew the same as you,” he told me with… was that a smirk?
And why was he giving me so much information? Because now he knew I wouldn’t be able to get away from him? “I wanted to be a fighter pilot like in Top Gun,” I blurted out, like he cared.
He grunted. What might have been a minute later, he said, “The only thing I remember ever wanting to be was a firefighter.”
“Really?” I asked, surprised.
“Yeah,” he answered, giving me only that.
I didn’t mean to say it. I really didn’t, but it still came out of my mouth, probably because I was stunned. “The more time we spend together, the more you talk to me, the more I realize you are… you’re so much more than the spandex you put on. It’s weird.”
“It’s not spandex.”
Yeah, but it wasn’t like he was going to tell me what it actually was, was he?
But of all the jobs in the world, he’d picked one that helped people.
Was it really just me he had beef with? Had I done something in another lifetime? Maybe I had a doppelg?nger who broke his heart?
I was thinking about that as I opened and dumped the cans of chili I’d found into a clean, newish pot when he asked, out of the blue, turning everything I thought about him upside down one more time, “What else do you want from your life?”
“Huh?” I asked, stirring the beans and meat.
He repeated his question word for word.
Was he really asking about me? “In the future?”
“No, right this second.”
I groaned a little. He hadn’t moved from his spot against the cabinets. The rest of him was still mud-splattered vogue. His arms were crossed over his chest, and his expression was a different one.
I already knew he was being ornery, but was he really just trying to mess with me?
Did he… want me to mess with him back?
He was so complicated.
“You know,” I said cautiously, trying to read him, “I think I liked you more when you grunted at me all the time.”
He didn’t miss a beat. “And I liked you when you didn’t talk back. What happened to her?”
Fucker. I smiled at him. “She was just being nice because she was scared you or someone else would kill her if you didn’t get better.”
A little huff snuck out of his nose.
I shrugged. “It’s true. I don’t want to die.”
“You keep saying that.”
“I’ve got a few things I want to do before I do,” I told him.
I was giving the premade chili a stir when he spoke up again. “Well? What things?”
He wanted to know? I peeked at him, more shocked over that than I probably was when he’d given me his name. “It isn’t like they’re five-year goals or anything. Just random stuff.”
Out of the corner of my eye, The Defender tilted his head to the side, saying everything with just that little gesture.
I added some salt to the pot, trying not to feel uncomfortable. Or vulnerable. “Just… stuff that will probably sound dumb to you. You can just make fun of me now and save me my breath.”
He didn’t say anything for so long, I looked at him.
Alexander looked stunned. “I wouldn’t make fun of your dreams.”
It was my turn to tip my head to the side, like come on. “You make fun of everything else. Why are you making that face? You do. I know I’m more your frenemy than your friend, and that’s okay, even if I don’t get why I get on your nerves so much. But I meant what I told you when I said we should be friends. I want to be yours, even if you get on my nerves when you’re rude.”
His face…
“It’s okay, you’re not the first person to ever not like me. There was always at least one person at every school I ever went to that wanted to pick on me for no reason, and at least you tell me things to my face instead of behind my back. And you saved my life. It’s okay.”
His mouth moved. “I…” His jaw went hard, and his eyes glowed for a moment. “I wouldn’t make fun of the things you want to do with your life, Gracie. I’m… I’m only messing with you.”
I narrowed my eyes, not trusting him.
“I am,” he insisted so seriously, I couldn’t help but believe him.
But it still felt like too much. Telling him my name or what my grandparents called me was one thing, but sharing other stuff? Being vulnerable was fucking hard. I eyed him again.
His features were blank, but there was something in his eyes that seemed a little different.
I sighed. “I don’t know, okay? Not really. What’s the point in planning if I didn’t know whether I’d ever have to up and leave unexpectedly? There are things I’d like to see with my own eyes. I’d like to do some of the things I’ve seen people do on television. Little stuff, you know? I’ve always wanted to go skydiving or wear one of those squirrel suits and go paragliding. But at the same time, honestly, little things would be great. I’d like to get a pet. I’ve always wanted an Oriental Shorthair cat, or a Peterbald. I’d love a dog too. Any dog, but I’d really love a corgi or a dachshund since they have little legs like me.” I gave the pot another stir, ignoring the tightness in my chest. “Sex. A relationship. I’ve probably thought about that the most, honestly.”