My ears started ringing. “I think I need to lie down.”
His snicker was soft. “You are lying down.”
“I need to lie down more,” I warned him, sinking back into the couch, tilting my head up to focus on the wood-paneled ceiling and not on the fact that I wanted to start panting but I might pass out for sure again if I did. “I don’t understand,” I told him in a tiny voice.
“I explained it as simply as I could. Need me to try again?”
Man, fuck this guy. Pushing my elbow into the couch, I knifed up to stare at him. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you that if you don’t have anything nice to say not to say anything at all?” I asked him flatly, the room centering again as I focused on him and that pain-in-the-ass beautiful face.
“A few times.”
Really? He was joking now? I pressed my lips together and tried to focus on the important shit. “I just… I can’t… believe what you’re saying.” I pulled the pillow out from behind my back and hugged it. “Why are you telling me this? Why did you wait so long to tell me this? You knew all along?”
Those big hands went to his knees as he twisted his body even more to really watch me. “I already told you: because you’re going to find out eventually.”
“Why? From who?”
“When you meet the rest of my family.”
How many more of them were there?
But most importantly…
That same thought I’d been babying for weeks now came back ferociously. What were the chances that he would have landed in my yard of all places? That had to be… a one-in-seven-billion chance. Wouldn’t it?
It wouldn’t be a chance at all.
The expression on his face gave me the feeling he knew exactly what I was pondering and was telling me to hurry and catch up.
“Alex… ander.” I squeezed the pillow even tighter. “It wasn’t a coincidence, was it? That you landed in my yard?”
He shook his head.
The ground rocked under me again. “But how…？ You didn’t…？ You said someone or something did that to you. Did you make that up?” I hadn’t taken him to actually be a liar. He seemed too blunt for that. Secretive? Absolutely. But not untruthful. “You were so mad for weeks after you got there. After we met. Like I did something, and now you’re saying it didn’t ‘just’ happen.”
“You think I broke my own back, landed in your yard, drained of all of my power on purpose? Really?” he deadpanned.
Okay, that was stupid, but it still didn’t make sense. “So then how…？”
“I was left there for a reason.”
Left? What kind of conspiracy theory crap was this? “By who?” I gasped.
“What’s that you like saying? ‘Does it matter?’” he grumbled. I guess he’d put this together already and none of this was news.
“Yeah, it matters to me. Why are you telling me this now? Why didn’t you say anything before?”
“Because I didn’t trust you.”
No shit.
He made a sniffing sound. “I didn’t want to know you.”
That was honesty at least.
He gave me a side-look as he leaned forward to put his elbows on his thighs. His attention strayed to a spot straight ahead on the mantel. It was a plain brick one that was nice. “I was in a lot of pain the first few days I was there. It was hard to think about anything but my back and being in that condition.”
He meant weak and drained.
“Then everything happened, and now I can’t walk away from you, can I?”
I squeezed the pillow a little tighter. “You could. I wouldn’t blame you.” I dropped my face to just let my eyes peek over the edge of it. “If we’re going to be totally honest here, I thought about leaving you at my house a few times. I knew I should leave, and I’d been having those stomachaches. If you hadn’t been in such bad shape, I might have.”
Nothing about his features changed.
“But I couldn’t just leave you there. Not after everything you’ve done. I know that’s not very nice, and I’m not a good person, but I made my grandparents a promise that I would try to live a nice, long life, and I can’t do that if I’m dead. Which, thank you again for not leaving me in there or along the way. You didn’t have to, and I appreciate it.”
The fucking Defender looked uncomfortable. “You didn’t give me up either. That’s why we’re here. That’s why we’re stuck together. It’s why I’m telling you all this.”
This was too much to keep track of, and I struggled to get more of my thoughts straight. I was apparently this Atraxian… person in mostly name. It didn’t seem real. It didn’t seem possible. He was Atraxian and just look at him. Look at him. It was like comparing a watermelon to a bruised-up apple. The only obvious thing they had in common was that they were both fruits.
I rubbed my lips together and tried to take a breath through my nose. “Were you sent to find me then? Is that why you were in the area?”
“No, I’ve known about you for years.”
That got me to lower the pillow and stare over at him. “Then what?”
His nose scrunched. “I didn’t want to meet you now, and I didn’t want to years ago. I almost started looking for you once but I changed my mind.” He focused on the fireplace again. “No offense.”
Yeah, like that was going to be easy.
He’d known about me for years?
He hadn’t wanted to meet me?
But I couldn’t move past him knowing I existed in the first place.
How?
I didn’t need to flip out. None of this even seemed believable, but open mind. Open heart. At this point nothing should be a surprise. The Defender had been carrying me around for days. He’d let me sleep on him. We’d shared a Snickers. Anything was possible. I could be rational. Rational was my middle name. I sniffled. “You weren’t sent to find me, you didn’t want to meet me but you were left at my house on purpose. That doesn’t make sense.”
For the first time since he’d come into my life, he looked uncomfortable. “Someone has been keeping track of the Atraxians left.” His expression went even more ornery and troubled. “This person… told me about you.”
Who? I wondered as I put together the clues he’d given me. “Was it your grandmother?” I asked, my voice funny. He had brought up her knowing about my family after all. “Is she trying to find people with… this Atraxian blood? Why? To update the family tree?” I realized he was skipping around with answering my questions, but I could worry about that later.
He watched me closely. More closely than I was comfortable with. “You were handling this pretty shitty at first, but you’re coming to terms with it faster. Good.”
He had no idea how close I was to laughing hysterically. “Oh, I’m not coming to terms with shit. I want to throw up, and part of me doesn’t believe you, but it’s almost so outrageous I have to,” I admitted. “Because of the stomach stuff, I mean. The ESP. And comments my grandfather said that I don’t think he thought twice about but made more sense than my great-grandmother being a witch.” I pressed my lips together. “I always did think you three had to be from another planet. I never really thought you were government experiments.”