He undoes my cuffs, and I bring my hands up, rubbing at my wrists. “You just—”
Grabbing my face, he turns it to him, his hands as steady as they ever were, his thumbs brushing beneath my cheeks. His eyes are dark and worried and so fucking perfect, and it pisses me off that even now, I get distracted by everything he is.
“Listen to me,” he rushes out. “You need to go.”
“But I—”
He slams his mouth to mine and I can’t help but to kiss him back, because for everything he’s done, and everything he’s not, I still love him, no matter how much I’ve tried to stop.
“I love you,” he says.
A sob works its way through my body and gets stuck on the back of my tongue.
“I didn’t know that I could love until you. And you’re not perfect, okay? You piss me off and you do things I never thought I’d be alright with, and you’re moody as hell. You’re actually the furthest fucking thing from perfect I’ve ever seen. But Eveline… you’re perfect for me.”
My heart twists, small bits of it mending back together at the seams.
He kisses me one more time. “In about five minutes, this place is going to swarm with feds, and they’re here for you. You understand what I’m saying?”
I nod, my stomach flipping, the blood racing through my veins.
He tightens his grip on my face. “Listen to me. I won’t ask for your forgiveness.” He glances at the door before locking his frantic eyes back on me. “I don’t want you to forgive me right now. I just want to know you’re out there and there’s a chance. That one day, maybe we’ll meet again, and I’ll walk up to you and say I’m Nicholas Tennyson Woodsworth, my favorite color is blue, I hated school, and I am so fucking in love with you that I can’t imagine living in a world that doesn’t have you in it.”
I hiccup, my hands wrapping around his wrists.
“If you don’t run, right now, then I don’t get that chance.” His eyes flick back and forth between mine. “Please, let me have it, pretty girl. Go.”
There’s a single moment where I consider staying. I stare over at Cody, sprawled out on the floor, and I wonder how Nicholas will explain it. If he’ll be able to.
“I’ll be fine,” he urges.
He grabs me, presses his lips to mine one more time, and then shoves me away.
I jump up, turn around, and run.
40
NICHOLAS
I made it in time.
Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I would. I hadn’t resigned yet, wanting to keep my eyes and ears open, and thank fucking god I did, considering it was only three hours ago I got the tip that Agent Baum was moving in.
When I heard, there was a moment of clarity, like staring into crystal clear waters for the first time in my life. There was no doubt left, everything I’ve been battling dissipated into thin air as though it never existed in the first place.
All I knew was that I couldn’t let her fall. And maybe that makes me stupid, maybe it makes me weak. Maybe she’s manipulated me into becoming something I never wanted to be. Whatever the case, I don’t care. Because she’s changed me fundamentally. Irrevocably. And there’s no going back.
I don’t love Eveline in spite of her flaws. I love her because of them.
Relief floods through me when she disappears to the back of the cottage, and I close my eyes, praying for the first time in years she makes it out okay. Then, I make my way out of the front door and I wait.
Tires crunch over the freshly fallen snow, black sedans pulling through the trees, ready to take the girl that I love into custody. To steal her away forever.
And to put it simply, I can’t live with that.
A dozen suited-up agents hop from their cars, local police department surrounding them as backup. They crouch behind open doors and aim their guns at me. “Drop your weapon!”
I raise my hands and walk onto the rickety wooden porch, dropping the pistol to the ground.
“I’m Agent Nicholas Woodsworth,” I call out. “I’ve been working this case.”
A man with dark hair and steely eyes comes out from behind the door, advancing without taking the target off my chest. “Where’s Agent Baum?”
“Dead.”
“And the suspect?”
“Gone.” My heart stampedes against my chest. “I’m going to reach in my pocket and show you my badge, okay?”
The man lifts his weapon higher. “Keep your hands where I can see them.”
“Fine, you can come check. I came to offer back up, but I was…” I shake my head, frowning. “I was too late.”
I nod toward my jacket pocket and he reaches in, grabbing my badge and flipping it open, scanning it before glancing up at me. Finally, he drops his arm and alerts the others to do the same.
“Agent Woodsworth, sorry about that.” He cringes. “Protocol.”
I smile. “I get it.”
The rest of the night is a blur. I’m brought in to give a statement and I watch as they load up the first man I’ve ever killed onto a stretcher, placing his bloody body in a bag and rolling him out.
I don’t feel regret, and I’m not wrestling with what I had to do. I just feel content knowing I kept the woman I love safe.
The next morning, I walk into my division, bypassing my desk and going straight into Cap’s office, placing my gun and my badge on his desk.
He lifts a brow. “What’s that?”
“This is me turning in my badge.” I shrug. “I’m done, Cap.”
He breathes deep, running his tongue over his teeth. “The hell you mean you’re done?”
“I mean just that. I’m done. I’m out. I quit.” Every time I say it, my shoulders feel lighter.
“That’s a big decision,” he says. “You sure it’s the right one?”
I sit with his question for a minute, and then glance at the paper on the top of his desk, a picture of Eveline with the word WANTED stamped underneath in bold letters.
Steeling myself, I nod. “This life’s not my dream. Not anymore.”
He squints his eyes. “You need to talk to someone about what happened with Agent Baum? We have resources, you know?”
I shake my head. “I’m good, but thank you. I appreciate that.”
“Okay.” He blows out a breath and walks around his desk, coming up to me and placing his hand on my shoulder. “I should probably try to convince you to stay.”
Smiling, a sense of sadness hits me in the chest. After all, being an agent is all I’ve ever known. For most of my life, it’s all I’ve ever wanted. But then Eveline’s face appears in my mind, and there’s nothing I want more than her.
“Don’t waste your breath, Cap.”
His brows draw in. “I’m not a fucking captain.”
I chuckle, grabbing him into a hug. He stiffens, patting me on the back and pushing me away.
“You’ll always be the captain of my heart.”
The first month without her was filled with anxiety. She was all over the news. The brains behind Farrell Westerly. Considered armed and extremely dangerous.
Agent Cody Baum was awarded the medal of merit posthumously, and I was called three times by Cap trying to get me back in the field.