Then, having seen enough, I hopped in a cab and went home.
11
From then on, I kept a detailed record in my notebook of everything I saw—all the dates, times, locations of their clandestine meetings. I wrote it all down. I had a feeling it might come in useful, later on.
Often, during my surveillance, I would ponder the precise nature of Kate and Jason’s affair—what they got out of it （apart from the obvious）—and why they were so intent on pursuing a course that, to me, seemed destined for disaster.
Sometimes, I would apply Valentine Levy’s system to their affair, breaking it down, in terms of motivation, intention, and goal. As usual, motivation was key.
Presumably Jason’s motive for embarking on the affair had to do with boredom, sexual attraction, or selfishness? Maybe that’s unkind.
If I were being generous, I might say Jason found Kate easier to talk to—Lana was wonderful, but her habit of always seeing the best in you made you determined to rise to that challenge. Kate, on the other hand, was far more cynical in her view of human nature, and therefore much easier to confide in—not that Jason was entirely honest with her, either.
But, truthfully, I believe the real reason for Jason’s infidelity lay in the darkest of places. He liked to think he was powerful. He was competitive and aggressive—he couldn’t even lose a game of backgammon without flying off the handle, for God’s sake.
So what happens when a man like that marries a woman like Lana? A woman who is infinitely more powerful in every regard? Might he not wish to punish that woman; to crush her, break her—and call it love? His affair with Kate was an act of revenge on Jason’s part. An act of hatred; not love.
Kate’s motive for pursuing the affair was quite different. It reminds me of what Barbara West used to say—that emotional betrayal is much worse than sexual infidelity. “Screw another woman, fine,” she would say. “But take her out for dinner, hold her hand, tell her your hopes and dreams—then you’ve screwed me.”
And that’s precisely what Kate wanted from Jason—dinner conversations and held hands and passionate romance—a love affair. Kate wanted Jason to leave Lana and be with her. Kate kept pressing him on this.
Jason kept putting her off. Who could blame him? He had far too much to lose.
* * *
Late one night, I followed Kate to a bar in Chinatown. She met a friend there—a redhead called Polly. They sat by the window and talked.
I stood across the street, lurking in the shadows. I needn’t have worried about them seeing me—Polly and Kate were engrossed in an animated conversation. At one point, Kate was in tears.
I didn’t need to be able to lip-read to work out what was being said. I knew Polly quite well. She was Gordon’s stage manager—and they had been involved in a lengthy affair. Everyone knew about it—except Gordon’s wife.
Polly was a troubled person, in many ways. But I liked her. She was outspoken and direct—so I could imagine how her conversation with Kate played out. Kate confided in her, no doubt hoping for a sympathetic ear. From where I was standing, it didn’t look like she was getting one.
“End it,” Polly was saying. “End it now.”
“What?”
“Kate. Listen to me. If he doesn’t leave his wife now, then he never will. It will just drag on and on. Give him an ultimatum. Thirty days to leave her—one month—or you end it. Promise me.”
I suspect these words grew to haunt Kate. Because thirty days came and went and she didn’t follow Polly’s advice. As time passed, the reality of what Kate was doing started sinking in. Her conscience began to plague her.
This shouldn’t come as a surprise. Unless I have spectacularly bungled my job, it should be abundantly clear that, despite her many faults, Kate was fundamentally a good person—with a conscience and a heart. This prolonged betrayal of her oldest friend—the heinous cruelty of it—began to torment Kate.
Her guilt grew, obsessing her—until she became fixated on “clearing the air,” as she put it. She wanted to have it out with Lana and Jason. A frank and open conversation among the three of them. Which, needless to say, Jason was determined to prevent.
Personally, I think Kate’s intention was na?ve, at best. God only knows what she imagined would happen. A confession, followed by tears, then forgiveness and reconciliation? Did she really think Lana would give them her blessing? That it would all end happily? Kate should have known better. Life doesn’t work like that.