Nick didn’t say anything. Lily’s words were kind, but he didn’t believe them.
“Where does your mom fit in all of this?”
“She fits wherever my dad is. That’s where she wants to be.” Nick sighed deeply. He felt exhausted, like a wrung-out washcloth. He slid down until he was lying on his side too, facing Lily. Her bed smelled like her hair. Vanilla.
“I’ve only ever told those things to Marcus,” he said, his voice low.
She gently placed her hand over his. Electricity shot through his veins. “Thank you for telling me.”
“Thank you for listening.”
They stared at each other, their hands still touching. He noted every detail of her face. The thickness of her eyebrows and the fullness of her lips. He felt rooted to this moment, to her.
“Can I say something weird?” she asked quietly.
He smirked. “Always.”
“You feel so familiar to me, like I knew you in a past life or something. I know it sounds silly. I don’t even know if I believe in stuff like that.”
“It doesn’t sound silly.” His voice grew serious.
“No?”
“No. Lily . . . I’ve always wanted to know you.” It was as truthful as he could be. He wished he could tell her that he’d fallen for her last May when her email first hit his inbox.
Her eyes widened at his words. She inched closer and Nick did as well. His hand felt warmer under hers. He lifted it and gently kissed her knuckles. He wanted to feel his lips against her mouth, the rest of her body. The air suddenly felt thick and wired, like anything could happen. Lily stared at him, mesmerized as his hand slid down the slope of her side and rested against her hip. His hand was on fire. She moved closer again, pressing up against him. He felt the softness of her breasts against his chest and he grew hard as his fingers spread out against her hip. His mouth went dry and all he could think was that he had to kiss her. He leaned down, his lips hovering above hers, and he hesitated because he wanted this, but he had to know that she wanted it too. He was breathing heavily, the question hanging in between them. In the end, they met halfway, drawn to each other like magnets.
The kiss was slow and sweet, like they were both giving the other a chance to stop if they wished. When Lily didn’t back away, Nick pulled her flush against his body. Her hands gripped his biceps and the kiss deepened, her tongue sliding into his mouth. Nick’s hand wandered to her ass and he palmed it, bringing her even closer, leaving no space between them. Lily lifted her leg, hitching it over Nick’s hip, and his hands roamed up the back of her shirt, touching her hot skin. His lips trailed from her mouth down her neck, featherlight, then deeper, sucking, loving the taste of her skin against his tongue. Lily moaned, and her hips rocked against his. He felt her brush against his hardness, and every single thought left his brain. He wanted her so badly.
He lifted her so that she was straddling him. He slowly kissed her breasts through her shirt and she moaned softly, reaching for the hem of her T-shirt. Nick held his breath, preparing to pray at the altar of her beautiful breasts when something vibrated by his head, startling him.
It was Lily’s phone with a text alert from Violet.
Tomcat won’t go to sleep! He keeps walking around and meowing because he misses you. Eddy and I have an early flight. Please, how do I make him stop???
“Sorry,” Lily hissed, reaching past him and grabbing her phone.
Nick scrambled to stand. His breath was coming in heavy spurts. Lily’s lips were swollen from kissing. Her curls were in disarray. She looked at Nick and her eyes lowered. He glanced down at his very obvious erection. What the fuck had he just done?
“No, I’m sorry,” he said.
Lily froze. “What?”
“I—fuck, Lily. Please, you have to know that I want nothing more than this, but we can’t. I can’t—”
“You don’t have to finish,” she said, holding up her hand. She fixed her shirt and brushed her hair away from her face. “I know you have your thing about commitment and you don’t want to get involved in anything serious with me.”
“It’s more than that,” he said quietly. “You deserve better than me. So much better. I’m not good enough for you.”
She didn’t say anything, simply looked at him. He felt so fucking unworthy of her in that moment.
Finally, she said, “I don’t think that’s true, but if that’s how you feel . . . okay then.”
Nick swallowed. “I should go back in the living room.”