“I have proof,” Astaroth said. “Including a very interesting signed confession from an assassin.”
Moloch’s ruddy cheeks darkened further, and a vein stood out on his forehead. He started to say something, but Astaroth talked over him.
“Moloch arranged for the murder of Cassaviel,” he said, naming the demon whose position Astaroth had taken on the high council. The confession had been extracted during a booze-heavy night of high-stakes Bingo with a group of retired immortal assassins. “When Moloch wasn’t named to that open position, he had the assassin murder Drivanna as well.” The council member whose spot Moloch had ended up taking.
The arguments between high council members stopped. Every eye fixed on Moloch.
Moloch scoffed. “Where is this so-called proof?”
“I have evidence in my den. I would be glad to retrieve it for the council to investigate—”
Moloch laughed loudly. “Astaroth, your den burned to the ground the day you were banished. A tragic accident, of course.”
Astaroth ought to have known the demon would pull something like that. Luckily, there were merits to having spent so much time among humans. An IT professional he’d shagged a few years ago had taught him the merits of backing up his data.
He’d be sending that human a thank-you card, should this go as hoped. “Good thing I have duplicates,” Astaroth said. “There’s a marvelous invention you may not have heard of called a scanner.”
“And good thing I was able to post the evidence online!”
The familiar voice came from below. The crowd of protestors parted to reveal Lilith, flanked by two burly werewolves: Avram on her left, Kai on her right.
Astaroth’s mother was small, but she carried herself like a queen. Her red hair was bound up in a gold hairpiece that matched her suit of armor—gilt over steel plate, he remembered, a gift from Henry VIII. “I like not knowing if a bed partner wants to lop off my head after,” Lilith had said at the time. “Lends some extra excitement.” The ensemble was completed by a short sword whose hilt was adorned with electrum.
“It’s Lilith herself!” someone shouted, and cries of alarm and awe followed.
“You are not on the high council, Lilith,” Baphomet said. “Your input is unwelcome.”
“Being on the high council sounds boring. I’ve turned it down so many times.” Lilith mounted the steps with her werewolf honor guard. Her smile was vicious, revealing the sharp points of her canines. “I might change my mind though. Your skull would make a lovely chalice to drink rosé from while I purge the council of your sycophants.”
“God, that’s hot,” Kai said.
Lilith patted the werewolf’s forearm and snapped her teeth at him. “Good boy.”
“Where did you post the evidence?” Themmie called from on high. Astaroth twitched; he’d forgotten she was hovering there, phone angled toward the dais. “I’m streaming everywhere from Pixtagram to GhoulTube, and I’ll cross-promote with my socials.”
Given Baphomet’s and Moloch’s blank expressions, they had no idea what that meant. Yet more evidence one shouldn’t dismiss humans, since what they lacked in immortality or super strength they made up for in technical ingenuity and a passion for oversharing.
“I summarized everything and posted it on AO3,” Lilith declared proudly.
Oh, Lucifer. Astaroth resisted smacking his forehead with his palm. “You mean Archive of Our Own?” he asked. “That fan fiction site where you post your tentacle porn?”
“She writes tentacle porn?” Themmie asked. “Awesome. I’m gonna need that link. For, uh, research.”
Lilith looked up at the pixie. “I knew I liked the colorful bug. My next one-shot will be dedicated to you, flappy one.”
Themmie pumped her fist. “Yes!”
Calladia cleared her throat. “Are the scans available online, too?” she asked. “Not just a summary?”
Lilith had reached the dais. “Of course they are,” she said, moving to stand at Astaroth’s side. “They’re linked in the author’s notes.”
“I’m still not sure what fan fiction is,” Moloch said, “but everyone knows you’re insane. Who would believe you?”
Lilith snapped her fingers, and Kai pulled a smartphone out of his pocket, unlocked it, and handed it to her. Lilith peered at the screen. “There are already sixteen thousand hits, and I haven’t even posted the explicit chapter yet.”