“It undoes nothing, Sera. You didn’t interrupt anything. His soul was leaving this realm.”
“Are you sure I didn’t—？”
“I’m positive.” Ash dipped his head, kissing my forehead. “He couldn’t linger here. He didn’t want to after all this time.”
I imagined not.
Gods, I really hoped he wasn’t lying to me. “What did he say to you?” My eyes widened at my question. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me. I’m sure it was private—”
“He told me that he loved me.” Ash drew his fingers along my jaw. “That he was proud of me—of the man I’ve become.”
“Oh,” I whispered, feeling the knot make its way to my throat. Tears pricked my eyes.
He stretched his neck to the side. “I almost couldn’t believe he said that, to be honest.”
“Why?” I lifted a hand, relieved that it didn’t take as much effort as walking up those damn Temple steps had. “Of course, he would be proud of you.”
“I’ve done a lot of things that no one would be proud of.”
My heart ached for him. “You did things others made you do.”
“I’m not talking just about that, liessa. Just in the last twenty-four hours, I’ve committed indisputable atrocities—killing those who laid down their swords. Those who turned and ran from me.”
I frowned. “I wouldn’t consider that an atrocity.”
Ash raised a brow. “Such an act would likely send a mortal’s soul into the Abyss.”
“This is different,” I reasoned.
One side of his lips tipped up. “Care to explain that reasoning?”
“Not really.”
He chuckled.
I searched his features. “Do you regret killing them? The ones who surrendered or ran?”
“No.”
His quick answer told me he spoke the truth. “Good.”
Ash cocked his head.
“What? I would’ve regretted it for a whole three-point-five seconds and then moved right on. You know that.” And he did because I’d shared my struggles concerning my lack of guilt. “You told me before that all of us are capable of monstrous acts, but it does not make us monsters.”
“I did.”
My gaze dropped to the collar of his shirt. The loose opening revealed a swatch of his shoulder and the black ink there. “One hundred and ten,” I murmured, lifting my eyes to his. He may say he didn’t regret taking those lives, but underneath his anger, he did. He was better than me, less monstrous. “Do not add those lives to your flesh,” I said. Right or wrong, I didn’t want that for him.
Thick lashes lowered, and he nodded. I felt his chest rise again with a deep but shaky breath.
“Did he say anything else?” I asked.
Ash nodded. “He told me not to forget what he said when we were near the Red River, rounding up the Shades.” His jaw tensed as his thumb skated over the line of my cheekbone. “It was the last time I saw him alive.”
“What did he tell you?”
“That’s the thing.” Ash hesitated, his eyes darting away from mine before returning. He curtly shook his head. “I don’t remember.”
His denial hung in the air between us, and I bit down on the inside of my lip, tasting a hint of the sweet, smoky flavor again…
Wait.
“You gave me your blood.”
“I did.”
“Ash.” Worry spread through me like a weed left to grow. He’d been imprisoned for weeks, and what blood he’d taken after being freed couldn’t have been enough to restore him. “You shouldn’t have done that—”
“You shouldn’t have used the eather to free my father,” he cut in gently. “So, we both did what we believed the other shouldn’t have.”
“That’s not the same thing.”
“What you did caused you to deplete your energy and pass out,” he countered, the essence in his eyes dancing. “I, on the other hand, didn’t suffer those consequences.”
“Passing out probably has more to do with climbing those damn Temple steps than using the eather to free Eythos.”
A small smile appeared. “Sera.”
“I’m serious. I hate stairs, and it’s not any different. You need to conserve your energy.”
Ash sighed. “I didn’t give you very much blood, just enough…”
“Just enough to make sure I woke up,” I finished for him. Part of me was surprised that his blood had even done that at this point. Because the pain I’d felt in my chest? I wouldn’t have been surprised if my heart had imploded. “You shouldn’t have done it.”
“And what should I have done?” The softness vanished from his features. “Let you die?” His eyes narrowed when I opened my mouth. “If you say yes, so help me Fates, Sera… Because I will not let you die.”
I started to sit up, but the arm I rested on tensed, and his hand curved around my shoulder. Frustration swept through me. “I wasn’t going to say that.”
“Really?”
“No.” I struggled in his hold. “You know what you should’ve done.”
“I did exactly what I should’ve done,” he shot back. “And stop trying to move around. You need to take it easy.”
“What is taking it easy going to do for me?” I threw up my arms, almost smacking him in the face. “The same as giving me blood? Delaying the inevitable while wasting time?”
The skin of his cheeks thinned. Shadows blossomed, thickening. “Disagree.”
“Disagree?” I sputtered.
“I believe that is what I just said. You being angry with my response doesn’t change it.”
My eyes widened as I stared at him. “I’m not angry with you.”
“Really?” he repeated dryly.
“Yes,” I hissed, trying to rein in my temper. I wasn’t angry with him. I was furious with this—the situation he’d been put in. That I was in. What couldn’t be avoided. “You needed—”
“I did what I needed to do, Sera.”
“You two are arguing.” A deeper, raspier voice intruded. “I suppose that means Sera is feeling better.”
I twisted in Ash’s arms so fast I started to topple off the couch.
“For fuck’s sake,” Ash muttered, catching me. “Did I not just tell you to take it easy?”
My gaze swung toward gauzy turquoise curtains rippling in front of open doors and then to the tall male with long, black hair streaked with red who’d walked out. “Nektas.”
I saw his lips curve slightly as he crossed the veranda, ridges of scales visible across his bare shoulders. “Hello, Seraphena.”
Emotion swelled so intensely in my chest upon seeing him in his mortal form that it caught me off guard. Once again, I felt tears crowding my eyes. I had no idea why I was so freaking emotional all the time.
It probably had something to do with me dying.
But Nektas…he had always been kind to me. He’d never held what I had originally planned against me. And he…he’d told me that if I were ever not feeling okay, I could come and talk to him. That we would make sure I got back to being okay together.