I trained.
Finding nothing to tie my hair back with, I braided the length, then gently knotted the ends, knowing I’d likely regret it later. Calling on as much memory as I could recall, I imagined myself sparring with an invisible partner and went through the motions Holland had taught me.
As I moved from jabbing with an imaginary dagger to shadowboxing, my mind wandered instead of emptying.
Attes.
Picturing his face, I swung my closed fist into the air above me and only felt a little bad.
Obviously, I had a hard time trusting him, but that oath? Either I or the embers had felt it. He couldn’t break it. And how he spoke about his scar? The pain evident in his voice and on his face was too real, as was the thread of agony in his words when he vowed to save Sotoria this time.
I dipped, moving as fast as I could in the gown. Something Attes had said finally occurred to me after he left. It was so damn obvious. But in my defense? A lot had been—and still was—cycling through my mind.
Attes had mentioned how much I resembled Sotoria but knew I didn’t look exactly like her. Based on that, and what he’d said before he left, Attes had known her.
And, man, I had so many questions about that. But I realized something else once he was gone.
Sweat dotted my brow as I rose from a crouch and spun, swinging out with my arm. I repeated the move over and over as I thought about how Attes hadn’t mentioned Nyktos taking the embers. He probably figured it was something assumed and unnecessary to say.
You’re not the weapon…
My steps slowed and then came to a stop, my chest rising and falling from exertion. I rose from another crouch, my arms dropping to my sides. Holland had said that I was Sotoria. So had the goddess Penellaphe—or at least that was how I’d interpreted what they said.
But what if Holland hadn’t known? I wiped the back of my hand across my forehead. It wasn’t like every Fate was all-knowing. Another could’ve done something without Holland’s knowledge. Or he had been unable to tell me without interfering.
But why did he train me? What was the point?
Unless Attes’s instincts were right, and Holland had actually trained me to keep Sotoria’s soul and the embers safe. Was it about that instead of killing Kolis?
And if it was?
Letting my head fall back, I stared at the bars above. Gods, I sort of felt like a huge part of my identity had just been shattered, and it was so damn frustrating.
I’d hated that part of myself, loathed what it had cost me. Yet I still didn’t feel relief. The resolve to stop Kolis hadn’t faded. No part of me attempted to latch on to it as an excuse not to try. And maybe…
Maybe that was because I didn’t know who I was without my duty. Maybe it was because it was the one thing I could do before I died that would make a difference. And I just couldn’t let that go.
The thing was, whatever the reason, I couldn’t dwell on it. If I did, I would lose it.
Turning, I went into the bathing area and picked up a small towel. Using the pitcher of fresh water that had been left behind, I wiped the sweat from my forehead.
My pretty poppy.
A tremor skated over my body, sending shivers of unease cascading down my spine. What bothered me about that? It was the absolute least concerning thing Attes had shared.
Tossing the towel onto the vanity, I returned to the divan and removed the blanket this time, letting it fall to the floor. I plopped down and wiggled into the corner. Drawing my legs up, I tucked them under my gown.
My gaze traveled over the bars, landing on the glittering center of the cage ceiling. With the chamber lights turned down, I could see it clearer. I squinted, realizing the source of the fractured light I’d noticed before. It was a diamond. Or maybe a cluster of them?
I rolled my eyes.
I sat there for a while in silence, my thoughts continuing to jump from one thing to the next. Like so many times before, my mind latched on to one of the most random things.
I suddenly thought about the kiyou wolf I’d seen in the Dark Elms as a child.
I’d been collecting rocks for some bizarre reason I’d long since forgotten when I spotted the wolf. Its fur had been so white it could’ve been silver, and I’d always been surprised that it hadn’t immediately run off or attacked, especially since the kiyou were notoriously averse to mortals. The only other one I’d been close to was the injured wolf.
I was sure I knew why now.
When Ash and I had been at the pool beneath the House of Haides, he’d admitted to checking in on me in the past. I realized now that it had been him all those years ago. There wasn’t a single part of me that doubted it.
Chest squeezing, I dropped my chin to my knees. Gods, I missed him, and I was so damn worried about him. What if my dream had given me some insight into his condition, and he was in stasis? That would heal his wounds, but he’d be completely vulnerable.
I needed to get him out of there.
Closing my eyes, I decided it was time to try my hand at being more reassuring. Instead of stressing myself out to the point where I wanted to either scream or throw myself face-first at the bars, I pictured Ash free. Of course, I skipped over exactly how I’d manage to free myself from the cage and Dalos and, well…everything else. I went right to the good stuff. Seeing Ash. Feeling his arms around me. Hearing his voice. For real. No dreams.
We wouldn’t have long together before Kolis came for us, but I would take the time to make Ash swear he wouldn’t blame himself for my death. That once he Ascended and took care of Kolis, he’d find a way to restore his kardia.
The back of my throat burned as I buried my face in my knees. I would make Ash promise to live—to really live. And that meant eventually opening himself to learning what love felt like and being loved in return, as much as it made me want to set fire to the entire realm.
Because I wasn’t that good of a person. I already hated the unknown individual who would one day have the honor of loving and being loved by Ash. I absolutely loathed them.
But I still wanted that for him.
I suppose love made you capable of that: wanting happiness for another, even if it meant them finding it with someone else.
When I opened my eyes again, it was to the sound of rushing water and the feel of cool, damp grass against the length of my body.
Immediately, I knew I was dreaming.
Besides the obvious fact that I wasn’t capable of shadowstepping myself free of somewhere deep within Dalos to the mortal realm, something was off. Something that had nothing to do with there not being a stitch of clothing on me.
I wasn’t swimming.
In the last couple of dreams I remembered, I was always swimming while the wolf watched me.
Dark waters spilled off the cliffs of the Elysium Peaks. It was my lake, and like my dreams before, no stifling heat clung to the air, but it was different.
While the lake was always dark due to one of the biggest deposits of shadowstone found in the mortal realm, there was no movement. The water was utterly still and smooth, like a black mirror, even where the waterfall poured from high above. My lake had never been like this in my dreams.
I looked down to where my fingers splayed against grass the color of midnight. I lifted my gaze, looking past sweeping elms full of onyx-hued leaves, and branches the color of shadowstone, to the sky that was neither completely night nor day. Vivid and intense stars cast radiant light down on the lake and me. I searched the sky, finding no sign of the moon.