Her mouth closed over mine, and she exhaled, her breath filling my chest. The embers of life thrummed strongly, vibrantly, as if reawakening. It struck me then that it wasn’t their breath they breathed into me.
It was their eather.
We broke the water’s surface, and my eyes shot open.
Different hands took me by the shoulders, ones I knew belonged to Kolis. He lifted me from the sea. Sparkling water streamed from my limbs and dripped from the hem of the gown and my hair, running into my eyes as he pulled me onto the beach.
I pitched forward, blinking water from my eyes and planting my hands in the warm, rough, white sand. My head no longer felt as if it were full of cobwebs. My thoughts were clear and already racing, preparing my muscles to fight or run. I started pulling myself free of Kolis’s hold when the blurriness left my vision.
I froze.
Every part of my being seized as I stared at the surface of the water. I didn’t see Phanos anywhere, but what I saw made my tingling lips part in horror.
Bodies floated, some face-up, others on their bellies. Dozens of them just…bobbed in the now-still waters. My gaze skipped over scales, no longer vibrant and vivid but dull and faded.
Suddenly, I understood the mournful song that no longer filled the air. The last ceeren’s smile. Her tears. The sadness I’d seen in Phanos’s eyes. This was the price he’d spoken of.
The ceeren had given me life.
At the cost of theirs.
CHAPTER FOUR
I stared at the bodies gently bobbing in the moonlight-drenched water, so utterly shocked by what the ceeren had sacrificed that I was numb, deadened to the point where I felt incredibly empty.
Why had they done this?
But they hadn’t been given a choice, had they? Kolis had demanded that Phanos assist, and this was how the Primal of the Sky, Sea, Earth, and Wind helped.
You know what you ask of me.
Kolis had.
But I hadn’t.
If I’d known, I would’ve done everything in my power to prevent the unnecessary loss of life. Because it was unnecessary. Phanos had said it himself. What the ceeren had given their lives for was only temporary. I would still die. But even if I wouldn’t? I wasn’t okay with this.
“Why?” I whispered into the wind, my voice hoarse.
“Because I will not allow you to die,” Kolis answered, speaking nearly the same words Ash had but…
When spoken by Ash, they had always sounded like a tragic oath birthed of desperation, stubbornness, and want—so much want. A tremor started in my hands and swept through my body. Kolis’s words sounded like a threat and reeked of obsession.
My gaze skipped over the lifeless ceeren. I had never wanted anyone to lose their life because of me. Like those who’d perished during the Shadowlands siege.
Like Ector had.
The image of the god flashed in my mind, momentarily obscuring the horror in front of me. It wasn’t how I’d seen him on the pike when Ash and I returned from the mortal realm. While that had been bad, I preferred it to how I’d last seen him; when he’d been nothing more than red, slick pieces. Ector hadn’t deserved that. Neither had Aios, who I’d at least been able to bring back. But had she wanted that? I had no idea how long she’d been dead. Could I have ripped her away from peace? And that act had a ripple effect—ending how many other lives? The eather I’d used to restore Aios’s life drew the dakkais and caused them to swarm those fighting in the courtyard.
Now, dozens of ceeren had died—were murdered—for me. And for what? This wouldn’t stave off the Ascension. It was only a reprieve.
Instead of being rushed toward the end, I was now inching toward it. But it was still coming. There was no stopping that. Just like there’d been no changing what had been done to Ector. Or to the ceeren and countless others.
“I don’t want anyone dying for me,” I choked out.
“You do not have a choice,” Kolis stated. “And if you are who you say you are, you should know that.”
I flinched at the sickening truth of his words. Sotoria had never had a choice from the moment Kolis saw her collecting flowers along the Cliffs of Sorrow. And I’d never had a choice from the very second Roderick Mierel made his desperate bargain with the true Primal of Life to save his dying kingdom.
It wasn’t fair.
It never had been.
Rage and panic swiftly swelled inside me, but I wasn’t sure it was entirely mine. My fingers curled into the sand as my heart rate sped up. Raw, jagged emotions lodged in my chest and throat. I pushed to my feet, my breath coming in short, too-quick pants. And turned to Kolis.
The false King of Gods looked down at me, a curious pinch to his features. The wind lifted the flaxen strands of his hair, sending them against high, arched cheekbones. Golden smudges of eather snaked through the bronze flesh of his bare chest. There was no evidence of his battle with Ash. He was completely healed.
I spared a glance around us. We weren’t alone. Others stood several feet back in the shadows of leafy palms. I only saw them because their shadowstone blades glinted in the moonlight. I didn’t know if they were Kolis’s guards or Phanos’s, but they had weapons, and that was all that mattered.
“She had fewer freckles than you, and her face was shaped more like a heart. The hair isn’t right. Hers was like…like a polished garnet in the sun.” Kolis’s voice was soft, almost childlike in its awe, but his words slithered along the sand and brushed against my skin. “But if I look hard enough…if I let myself see, I do see her in you.”
I reacted.
There was no hesitation. No thought. I took off, darting past him and running hard and fast, my feet kicking up sand as the material of the soaked gown clung to my skin. I ran straight for the guards.
Surprise flashed across the face of a pale-skinned guard, his blue-green eyes luminous with eather widening a second before I slammed my palm into his chest. The god grunted, stumbling back as I reached for the hilt of his short sword.
“Fuck,” he gasped, reaching for me when I yanked the blade from its sheath.
I’d caught him off guard. I was simply quicker than he was. I jabbed the elbow of my other arm out, catching him under the jaw and snapping his head back.
“Do not touch her,” Kolis ordered as another grabbed for me. “Ever.”
The other guard froze.
Spinning toward the false King, I firmed my grip on the cool iron hilt the shadowstone blade had been forged to.
“Leave us,” he instructed. “Now.”
I didn’t dare look away from Kolis to see if the guards listened to him. I could only imagine that they had, which suited me just fine.
Kolis and I stared at each other in silence while I willed my racing heart to slow. I needed to be calm, careful, and purposeful. Because even though Kolis questioned what I claimed about Sotoria, he believed deep down. That was why he’d shaken so hard when he held me, and it created the awe in his voice that I’d heard only moments earlier.
That all meant he was vulnerable to me—only me—and this was my chance. Possibly the only one I’d get to end this.
“I expected you to run from me,” Kolis remarked. “That’s what she would’ve done. She always ran.”
“Not always,” I said, remembering what I’d learned about Sotoria. She may have run in the beginning, but that changed.