I grimaced. My parents probably had provided for the humans better than Sawyn, but still, I couldn’t help but wonder how well the humans could’ve lived under their reign. I thought to Taigoska, to the city separated into human and Wolf quarters, how we entered the back of the palaces and how the guests at the ball were all Wolves. I was confronted once again by how each city, each kingdom, comprised two different worlds—different words and Gods and customs, different lives lived and different futures attainable. And I felt it more keenly than ever how I wished the world blended every color and not just black and white. What if I wanted to pray to the Goddess of Courage? What if I wanted to exist beyond the names and words given to me on the day of my birth? What if I wanted to be not a woman but merem?
Guilt burned through me. I hadn’t considered it before. I had dreamed of reviving Olmdere, of reestablishing the Gold Wolf pack, of even doing away with the restrictions between humans and wolves . . . but how much had I actually considered changing things in a substantive way? Where were the humans in these daydreams of grandeur?
“How long until the next roadblock you reckon?” Hector asked.
“Midday, probably,” Malou said with a shrug. “We’ll stop in the little village there. Water the oxen and switch drivers. We should be getting close to the border by nightfall.”
The wagon lurched back to life, rocking us all backward. We continued our slow plodding descent down the icy switchback roads.
“There’s a great spot along the border for stargazing,” Navin said, nudging Sadie with his calf. “Maybe you want to check it out?”
“I need breakfast,” Hector groused as the group snickered, shooting up from the couch. “Who wants tea?”
“I’ll help you,” I said. Grae’s hand squeezed my hip as I rose.
I looked down at him, seeing the fire still burning in his hooded eyes. I gave him a little nod. We’d find our own spot tonight and he’d fulfill those promises that filled me with instant yearning. I felt dizzy and flushed as I climbed the ladder after Hector to the blackened box stove. It overwhelmed me how much I needed that connection. Everything was storming around me, but Grae was my anchor, my constant. After twenty long years, I’d be in my homeland again. I’d uphold the promises my ancestors made to the humans. I’d rid their kingdom of monsters, starting with the sorceress.
Thirty-Two
The snow gave way to thick clouds and the scent of spring rain. In the late evening, we’d rolled into the half-deserted border town of Durid. I yanked the hood of my cloak lower as Grae and I darted hand in hand, sheltering under the next roof.
“I don’t think there will be much stargazing tonight,” Grae shouted to be heard above the sound of pouring rain.
With the thick cloud cover, the night had swiftly claimed the day. Where there should’ve been a sunset, it already appeared as darkest night.
“Sadie didn’t look too concerned when they left.” I chuckled, thinking of the look on her face when she and Navin ran off just like we were doing now.
Most of Galen den’ Mora chose to stay in the wagon, hiding from the deluge. I’d hoped to get a peek of Olmdere from this vantage point, but we could barely see two feet in front of us. From what little I could gather of Durid, it seemed like a midsize town with modest thatched-roof homes around the outskirts and taller stone edifices in the center. The largest forge appeared to be abandoned, the parapets crumbling and the windows overgrown with ivy.
“Where are we going?” Grae called as I yanked on his hand, pulling him back into the rainstorm. Our boots splashed through deep puddles, mud flying around us as we darted toward the fortress. My clothes were soaked to the skin, but I didn’t care. In that moment, with just Grae and me and the roar of rain, I felt giddy and light.
We reached the outer wall of the ruins and climbed over the rubble. I tore back the vines obscuring the doorway and stumbled into the shadowed room. Grae’s hand clenched around mine, keeping me upright as my feet wobbled over the loose stone. My eyes strained. A human would probably see nothing but darkness, but, even in this form, I could see the outlines of shapes.
I panted, wiping my wet hair off my forehead as I surveyed the space. Shrubs and weeds had reclaimed the floor, growing from the dirty cracks in the paving stones. Cobwebs covered the ceiling and only a few scraps of wood remained.
“What is this place?” I released Grae’s hand and ventured further into the room. I held out my hands in front of me as I walked, my eyes working to see through the gloom.