“What if I’ve just been some sort of adrenaline rush for you while we’ve been here? You got me to do some crazy stuff here with you, but when we get back, I’ll just be boring again. Grammar Queen, remember? I will never go skydiving. Ever. Really. If I survived you pushing me out of a plane, the first thing I’d do when I got back on the ground would be to kill you. And if I didn’t survive, I would haunt you for the rest of your days. And I’ll never go bungee-jumping with you.” He took a step closer while I babbled on, a leaky faucet unable to shut off. “I mean, I could maybe try a white-water-rafting trip, but that’s it. And only if it’s not a super scary river. I’m talking baby rapids. Bumps, really, not—"
He reached out and clutched a handful of my shirt at the waist and began pulling me closer and closer until I landed in his arms. I had an impressive speech left to give but found the words hard to form when he leaned forward, his mouth hovering close to mine.
“You are a rush to me. Every time I make you smile, my heart rate goes through the roof. The way you blush and bite your lip and pretend to be annoyed when I tease you…” He patted his chest. “Straight shot of dopamine. Let’s not even talk about what your laugh does to me. But you’re not just my dopamine hit. You’re my soft place to land when I come back down. I don’t need you to go skydiving with me. Or rock climbing. I’m perfectly happy reading a book. Or hanging out watching a movie with you. But there are times when I’d want us to get out of our comfort zones. Make some memories. I want to pick our moments, whatever they are, and live them.”
“What if it doesn’t work out?” I asked again, my voice more stable now. Nervous. “All relationships start with pretty words.”
He shook his head. “You can ‘what if’ your whole life away. Relationships are always going to be scary, whether we work together or not. There are always unknowns, but you’ve got to take a chance on something, or else you’re going to spend your life wondering what could have been.”
He was chipping away my defenses one argument at a time. I hadn’t seen that coming. He made me want to forget all about the unknown and just trust him. He gave me so many reasons to do so, but there was one more thing I couldn’t shake. The fact that our life the past six days in Vermont had been an anomaly.
“I’m just scared that this is all going to go away. We’re out of our normal environment. I can’t help but think that when we go back to New York, everything will go back to the way it was. Because that’s how it’s always been. What if we slip back into our old ways? Because that’s where we’re comfortable. This all happened so fast—and completely out of nowhere. Here it feels right, but what about there? I just can’t help thinking that we need some space. To proceed with caution. Let’s think about things for a bit to make sure that I’ll still be what you might want…when we’re not here.”
I looked up at him, surprised to find his eyes regarding me thoughtfully. Our gazes locked while he just stared, as though his mind was busy calculating something.
“You know what?” he mumbled. “I think you might be on to something.”
“What?” I asked, feeling anxious all of a sudden.
“Maybe you’re right.”
“I am?”
A hint of a smirk appeared on his lips. “I’ve given you too much here. You need to miss me.”
I scoffed, happy to redirect my thoughts to something more lighthearted. “I think you might be overthinking my attachment just a bit.”
His eyes narrowed as he brought his lips closer to mine once more. “Oh, really?”
Of their own traitorous accord, my lips parted, waiting for his. They never came. His self-satisfied grin was extremely present, however.
“You need to miss me,” he said again, this time with firmer resolve.
“Are you breaking up with me now? After all that?” Panic began to rise up in my chest. I didn’t want to break up. I just needed time to think it all through.
He snorted, a smile touching his lips. The sparkle was definitely back in his eyes. “I’m not breaking up with you. This is me stepping back so you can decide what you want in the place you need to decide it.”
My brows furrowed. “Huh?”
“Back at school. Back in the land where Rudolph and Santa haven’t thrown up on anything." He threw up his hands for air quotes.
I tucked a wayward lock behind my ear. Relief flooded my body as he seemed to understand exactly what I needed. Feeling more secure now, I looked up at him cheekily. “What happens if I decide I can’t stand you again? Do you still promise not to make it awkward?”
“I never said that. I said I’d make it a manageable amount of awkward.”
A laugh bubbled from my throat as he wrapped his arms tight around me, pulling me in closer and pressing a light kiss to my forehead.
“I have meetings in New York City with my editor and publisher this next week, so I won’t even be around to bother you. But I’ll be there for the first day back at school, and we’ll talk then. But as for me, you know what I want. And you know where to find me.”
I looked up at him in surprise and a little apprehension. “The first day of school? That’s…longer than a week. So, what, I’m not even going to hear from you? The whole ten days?”
He grinned, rubbing his hands together like a psychopathic maniac. “The plan’s working. You’re missing me already. And nope. I’m not going to call you.”
I placed my hands on my hips, getting annoyed. “Fine. I wouldn’t answer if you did.”
“Great. It’s important that we’re both dedicated to our space so we can think.”
“Agreed.”
Later that night, we walked back to the cabin side by side. Not touching. And it left me feeling unsettled. Like something left undone. Purposefully. I assumed it was the fact that we didn’t make out in the storage closet like I had been anticipating when he pulled me in there. But it was fine. It was a great idea. If anything, this was just proving to me how much Miles understood me. It was sweet that he would be so thoughtful to give me space. I had gone almost twenty-six years without kissing Miles Taylor. Ten more days didn’t matter one bit.
Of course, he had a strange twinkle in his eye when he looked at me. A determined spark on his face that I could only assume was similar to the look he might have when climbing a rock wall. It both terrified and thrilled me for reasons I won’t go into. I had wanted a little time. He was giving it to me. But did he have to seem so cheerful about it all? Whistling as he walked me back to the lodge? Smirking to himself when we realized we had missed the time to turn in our bingo cards? We had only one square left unchecked, but he insisted we couldn’t mark down a mistletoe kiss. And now, it was too late. Which meant I had suffered through all of the Bingo game horridness for nothing.
He walked me to my cabin door that night, and instead of inviting himself in and plopping down on my couch to watch his dumb Terminator movie, like I had assumed we would do, he shook my hand at the doorway.
Shook my hand.
“It’s been a very life-altering few days, Oliviana,” he said, releasing his grip on me and clasping both of his hands behind his back.