I need to fuck her, to flip her over the arm of this throne and drive into her, but I can’t. I need her nail marks in the wood, need her cries filling this whole fucking house, need her knowing what I can be for her—anything and everything she needs. She’s heaven in my mouth. Flawless. Mine. And she’s almost there. Gods, yes, her legs are shaking, her walls are fluttering around my tongue. I love her so fucking much.
I shatter, splintering into a million glittering shards of bliss as I scream out his name. Power and light course through me without burning, and I arch again and again, coming apart at the seams of what I think is me but might be him.
He untangles from my mind, and I mourn the loss even as my body slackens. It’s my lungs I feel draw air, my own power that crackles through the orb in my hand before settling, my own heartbeat that finally slows as the last of the orgasm fades.
“What the hell did you do?” I lift my head, my eyes flaring when I realize Xaden isn’t tangled with me.
He’s three feet and a million miles away, backed against the Assembly’s table, gripping the shadow-covered edges with white knuckles, his eyes squeezed shut so tightly I wince.
“Xaden?”
“Just need a second.”
I manage the awkward task of sitting up and move to stand.
“Stay right there.” He holds his hand out.
Every line of his gorgeous body is drawn tight, and his leathers… Gods, that has to be painful.
“Come here,” I whisper.
“No.”
My head draws back. “You can’t possibly think I’m going to let you get me off twice, let alone whatever the fuck that last time was, and not—”
“That’s exactly what’s happening.” His eyes flash open, and the heat, the longing, the desperation I see there feels like it could be my own…because a few seconds ago, it was.
“I felt how much you need me.” I shift forward to the edge of the chair— throne—whatever. “You want me over the side of the throne, right? Grasping onto the arm so my nails scar it.”
“Fuck.” The table groans under his grip. “I should not have done that.”
“Oh, you definitely should have. It was quite possibly the hottest moment of my entire life. You ever want to bring me to my knees or win an argument? That’s a sure bet.”
A tight smile curves his mouth at the reference to his words from last year.
My toes touch the dais. “You gave me what I fantasize about—”
“Please don’t.” The words are forced through gritted teeth. It’s the “please” that stops me in my tracks. “I’m hanging by a thread, so I’m begging you. Please. Don’t.” He hangs his head, and shadows slip across the dais, pushing my clothes toward me.
Confused is an understatement, but I stand up and quickly get my clothes back on down to my socks, then pick up my boots. “Do you want to clue me in on why you’re keen on torturing yourself?”
He exhales just a shade short of a sigh. “Because I need you to see I’m more than capable of worshipping your body without reciprocation. You’re not a convenient placeholder for me to fuck.”
This is about Cat?
“I know that.” So much for the afterglow of the world’s longest orgasm. I’m right back to pissed.
“But you don’t.” He releases his death grip on the table and points at the throne. “Sit.”
“For a repeat performance?”
A corner of his mouth quirks upward. “So I can help you with your boots. You’re too short for the chair.”
“Well aware,” I mutter, sitting back on the throne and letting my feet dangle. “I don’t like…not reciprocating.”
He lifts my left foot, slipping on my boot.
“I don’t like you thinking you’re not the center of my fucking world, yet here we are. And before you start another argument, I’ll fuck you later tonight. Trust me. I’m making a momentary point, not a lasting vow of masochism.” He braces my foot on his thigh and ties the laces.
The sight eases some of the tension in my chest. No one would ever believe that scary, badass Xaden Riorson would tie anyone’s shoes.
“I thought you were going to kill her,” he says quietly.
Right. Back to Cat.
“I almost did.” I lower one foot, then raise the other at his cue. “Would that have been unforgivable to you?”
He finishes tying my boot, then lets go of my foot. “Nothing you could ever do would be unforgivable to me.” Stepping back, he leans against the edge of the table again. “And I don’t particularly care if Cat lives, but I’m not cheering for her to die, either. She’s a necessary yet volatile ally, and Syrena would be a disastrous enemy to make. But I do care that you would have regretted killing her.”
And in that rage, I would have if he hadn’t shown up.
“How could you ever love someone like her?”
“I didn’t.” He shrugs. “You are the first and only woman I’ve ever loved.”
“You were just engaged to her for…” I pause. “I don’t even know how long you were engaged for.” I feel…stupid.
“I would have told you if you’d asked. That’s the problem here, Violet—you don’t ask.”
“It’s not like you ask me about my exes.” I cross my legs.
“Because I don’t want to know, which I suspect is the same reason you continue to not ask me about the things that actually bother you, but let’s just ignore that like we usually do. Seems to be working out for us.” He lays the sarcasm on thick.
I look away because he’s right, damn him. Avoiding the potentially devastating questions, like why he’s never told me about the deal he made with my mother, seems prudent when there’s a possibility of losing him over a wrong answer.
He moves on when I fall quiet. “Cat and I weren’t engaged, we were betrothed—and yes, there’s a difference to me.”
“Now who’s arguing semantics? Let alone on behalf of the woman who just warped all of my emotions and turned me into an abyss of rage.” Some of which is creeping back in.
“We’ll get to that in a second. The betrothal clause of the alliance kicked in when she turned twenty.” The table creaks as he fully sits back against it. “We tried it out for about three-quarters of a year, but we weren’t compatible, and it came to light that Tecarus was never going to let us have the luminary anyway. He wanted us to use it there. I ended the betrothal, which, as you know, caused some problems.”
“Weren’t compatible?” I can’t blame the insidious stab of jealousy on Cat this time. That burning sensation in the pit of my stomach is all me. “That’s not exactly what she implied about your sex life.”
“You don’t have to like someone to fuck them.” He shrugs.
My jaw slackens, considering what we just did.
His head tilts as he watches me. “As I recall, you didn’t exactly like me the first time—”
“Do not finish that sentence.” I jab my finger in his direction.
“On the other hand, I was already in love with you.”