He’s killed people for me before, so why is him fighting for a weekend pass stripping every ounce of self-control straight out of my bloodstream?
“Violet.” Xaden’s voice drops to that low, quiet tone he only ever uses when we’re alone, and usually naked. Very naked.
“Hmmm?” Gods, I miss the feel of all his skin against all of mine.
“Tell me what’s spinning around that beautiful head of yours.” He moves closer, invading my space without touching me.
Fuck, I want him to touch me, even if it’s a bad idea. A really, really bad idea.
“Does it hurt?” I lift my fingertip to the corner of my lip where his is split.
He shakes his head. “I’ve had worse. It’s what I get for blocking with my shields to concentrate on the fight. Otherwise, I would have felt you. Look at me.” He takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger and gently tilts my head back before searching my eyes. “What are you thinking? Because I can read a lot into the way you’re looking at me, but I’m going to need the words.”
I want him. How hard is that to say? My tongue ties. What would giving into this insatiable need for him mean?
That you’re human.
“I’m about three seconds away from carrying you up to my bedroom to continue this conversation.” His hand slides along my jaw, his thumb caressing my lower lip.
“Not your room.” I shake my head. “You. Me. Bed. Not a good idea at the moment.” Too tempting.
“As I remember—which I do, often—we don’t always need a bed.” His other hand palms my waist.
My thighs clench.
“Violet?”
I cannot kiss this man. I can’t. But would it really be the end of the world if I did? It’s not like it would be the first time. Shit. I’m going to break. Even if it’s only for this moment.
“Hypothetically, if I wanted you to kiss me but only kiss me—” I start.
His mouth is on mine before I finish.
Yes. This is exactly what I need. My lips part for him, and there’s no hesitation in the glide of his tongue against mine. He groans, and the sound reverberates through my very bones as I wrap my arms around his neck.
Home. Gods, he tastes like home.
I hear the door shut a second before my back is pressed against the rough wall of the chamber. Xaden slides his hands beneath my thighs, then lifts me so we’re level as he lays expert claim to every line and recess of my mouth like this is the only time he’ll get. Like kissing me is more vital than his next breath. Or maybe that’s the way I’m kissing him back. Whatever. I don’t care who is kissing whom as long as we don’t stop.
I lock my ankles at the small of his back, bringing our bodies flush, and my breath catches at the heat of his skin radiating through the fabric of his uniform and my leathers, and suddenly it’s too much and not enough.
This was a bad idea, a teasing taste of everything I want, and yet I can’t bring myself to stop. There’s nothing outside this kiss. No war. No lies. No secrets. There’s only his mouth, his hands sweeping up my sides, his desire matching the fire of mine. This is where I want to live, where nothing else matters but the way he makes me feel.
“Like a moth to a damned flame.” The lament slips from my mind, into our mental pathway. He’s gravity, pulling me back to him by the force of his existence.
“I’m more than willing to let you burn me.”
Wait, that’s not what I meant—
He cradles the back of my head, protecting me from the coarse stone, and angles for a deeper kiss. Gods, yes. Deeper. More. I can’t get enough. I’ll never get enough.
Energy arcs between us, hotter with every kiss, every flick of his tongue. Flames of need dance across my skin, leaving chills in their wake before settling deep within me, burning dangerously, reminding me that Xaden knows exactly how to sate this unquenchable desire.
He has the maddening ability to addict and satisfy all in the same breath.
My hands slide into his hair as his lips slip down my throat, and my pulse leaps when he finds that sweet spot right above the collar of my flight jacket, then mercilessly worships it with his mouth.
I’m instantly liquid, melting into him.
“Gods, I’ve missed the taste of you.” Even his mental voice comes across as a groan. “The feel of you in my arms.”
I bring my hands to his face and pull him back to my lips. He sucks my tongue into his mouth, and I whimper because I can say the exact same thing about him—I’ve missed everything about his taste, his kiss, him.
If any of those buttons on my flight jacket come undone, they’re all coming undone.
The slant of his mouth over mine again and again makes me feel alive for the first time since… Gods, I can’t even remember. Since the last time he kissed me.
His hand squeezes my waist gently, then stretches up, the tips of his fingers reaching just beneath my breasts. Fuck it, the jacket can come off. So can the top. The armor. Everything that separates me from him.
I reach for the buttons.
But he eases his kiss, taking it from urgent and deep to thorough and deliciously slow. “We should stop.”
“What if I don’t want to?” The physical sound that leaves me is pure denial. I’m not ready for this to end, not ready to return to the reality where we’re not together, even if I’m the one standing in our way.
“We have to, or I won’t be able to keep to the only kiss limitation of your hypothetical question.” His hand drifts to my ass as his mouth softens, drawing on my lower lip with one last, lingering kiss. “Fuck, I want you.”
“Then don’t stop.” I look him in the eyes so he knows I mean it. “We can keep it to nothing but sex. We did last year… Not that it worked well.”
“Violet.” It’s part plea, part moan, and the war in his eyes makes my chest tighten. “You have no idea how badly I want to peel these pants off your amazing ass and fuck you until you’re hoarse from screaming my name, so limp from orgasms that you can’t fathom leaving my bed ever again, and every tree around here goes up in flames from lightning strikes.” His hand slides from behind my head to the nape of my neck. “Until you remember exactly how good we are together.”
“I never forgot.” It’s a whimper. My body is still humming.
“I’m not talking about physically.” He leans in and kisses me softly.
It’s sweet. Tender. Everything I don’t want to feel. Not when it comes to him. Heat and lust, I can cope with. But the rest? “Xaden,” I whisper, shaking my head slowly.
He studies my face for a heartbeat and masks the flash of disappointment with a half smile.
“Exactly.” He gently lowers me back to my feet, then steadies me, holding on to my waist when my knees wobble. “I want you more than my next breath, but I can’t fuck you into looking at me like you used to. I refuse to use sex as a tool to get you back.” He takes my hand and presses it to my chest. “Not when I want to be here.”
My eyes widen, and apprehension knots my stomach.
“That’s what I thought.” He sighs, but it’s not defeat tightening his mouth. It’s frustration. “You still don’t trust me, and that’s all right. I told you I’m not in this for a battle. I’m winning the damned war. I’m a fucking fool for saying this, but when haven’t I been a fool when it comes to you?”