Their backs were to me so I couldn’t see her reaction, but they made a good-looking couple. Same elegance, same refinement, her willowy height a perfect complement to his.
A fierce wound reopened, sending a deep ache through my chest. I was freezing despite the alcohol and the body heat drenching the bar, and shivers snuck through my body in tiny, rattling waves. I tried reaching for my coat, but my limbs were as heavy and unresponsive as concrete blocks.
Alessandra noticed my silence first. Her brows dipped. “What’s wrong?”
Nausea trapped my response in the back of my throat, rendering me mute, but my friends were smart enough to follow my gaze to the bar. Kai’s hair, build, and clothing were unmistakable even from the back.
A shocked silence wiped our earlier gaiety clean.
“We can leave,” Vivian said after a long, tense pause. “There’s another bar a few streets over that’s supposed to be good, or we can head back to Man—”
“No.” I finally regained control over my faculties. “We’re staying. We were here first, and there’s no…there’s no reason why we can’t be in the same room at the same time.”
Besides the fact that I feel like someone is taking a sledgehammer to my heart. A shift of his body. A turn of his head. Blow after unerring blow.
I forced oxygen past my tight lungs.
Kai and I were broken up. I’d told him we should see other people when I ended things and that he was better off with Clarissa. I had no right to get mad.
Still, seeing them together so soon after our breakup hurt. So fucking much.
Sloane motioned for our server. “Another round of margaritas, please,” she said. “Extra strong.”
Compassion darkened Alessandra’s eyes. “Is this the first time you’ve…”
I nodded, swallowing past the lump in my throat. Of all the bars in all the world, he had to walk into this one.
Once upon a time, I thought it was romantic how the universe kept throwing us together. Now, I wanted to wring its skinny cosmic neck.
Clarissa laughed again at something Kai said, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I stood abruptly. “I’ll be right back.”
My friends didn’t stop or follow me as I speed walked to the restroom. Luckily, it was next to our booth, so I didn’t have to pass by the happy couple on my way there.
My heart pounded out a deep, painful rhythm.
What were they doing in Brooklyn? Neither of them were Brooklyn people. Were they on a date or here as friends? Was this their first time going out together or one of many?
It doesn’t matter. It’s none of your business.
But no matter how many times I told myself that, I couldn’t bring myself to believe it.
I took my time using the facilities and washing my hands. I never thought I would find solace in a public bathroom, but I would climb into a windowless metal box if it meant avoiding Kai and Clarissa for another second.
It was a small bar; they were bound to see me eventually. That didn’t mean I had to speed up the process.
My reflection stared back at me from the water-spotted mirror above the sink. I was two shades paler than usual, making me look like I was on the verge of a terrible illness.
I reached for a lipstick to add some color to my face when the door swung open and Clarissa walked inside.
We froze at the same time—my hand halfway to my bag, her stride broken next to the Dyson hand dryer.
Then the moment passed and we resumed our activities, but the awkward silence persisted. Part of me wanted to run out before I had to face her again; another, larger part stayed out of sheer morbid curiosity.
The toilet flushed. Clarissa came up beside me as I finished reapplying my lipstick. I looked better with a fresh pop of red, though my cheeks remained pale, and my skin was clammy with nerves.
Instead of alleviating the tension, the rush of the water faucet exacerbated it.
God, I hate awkward silences.
“Small world,” I finally said. My attempt at a light tone came out rusty with distress. I cleared my throat. “No offense, but I didn’t take you for a Brooklyn type of girl.”
“It was Kai’s suggestion.” Like Kai, Clarissa had a British accent, but hers was creamier, more fluid. “He said there was a great cocktail bar here.”
Of course he did. I told him about this bar when we were dating, which made him bringing her here all the more distressing.
“Oh.” I fought a sharp pang at the sound of his name. I imagined them discussing date options on the phone, and the pang grew worse. “Well, you two make a cute couple.”
I would’ve been embarrassed about my blatant fishing for information if I didn’t feel so sick.
Clarissa dried her hands and opened her clutch. “Thank you. Kai is quite handsome, but…” She retrieved a sleek black lipstick tube. “Between you and me, he’s a bit boring.”
Indignation flushed hot beneath my skin. I’d accused him of the same thing a lifetime ago, before I really knew him, but hearing her say it in her haughty accent made me see red. “He’s not boring. He’s introverted. There’s a difference.”
“Maybe.” Clarissa’s lip color went on smooth and muted, its neutral shade a contrast to my brick-red stain. “He only talks about books and work. It gets tiring.”
You didn’t seem tired when you were laughing with him earlier.
“There’s nothing wrong with talking about books.” I yanked a paper towel from the dispenser and wiped my already dry hands. I needed something to do or I’d scream. “Reading is his hobby, and he’s busy. He helps run a multibillion-dollar company. Of course he’s going to—” I broke off at Clarissa’s laugh. “What’s so funny?” I demanded.
“You should see how red you’re turning.” Her eyes twinkled. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not funny, but Kai has been so miserable over you that it’s nice to see you haven’t dismissed him completely.”
I hated how my heart skipped a beat at her words. I didn’t want him to be miserable, but if he was and she was admitting it, then that meant…
“We’re not on a date,” Clarissa added, accurately reading my silence. “We’re here as friends. He wanted to thank me for agreeing to our staged date after the National Star photos. In fact…” She dropped her lipstick back in her bag. “We were discussing how much better we are as friends.”
My anger drained away, replaced by relief and a hint of doubt. “So you’re not interested in him at all?”
Clarissa shook her head. “Kai and I grew up next to each other,” she said. “Our parents have pushed for us to be together since we were children. To them, it’s a business arrangement. An alliance between two old, powerful British Chinese families in a world where there aren’t many like us. But we were never close friends, and we didn’t talk for years before I moved here.”
She drew her bottom lip between her teeth. “I admit I was curious about him at first. He’s handsome, successful, and a decent person, which is exceedingly rare for someone with his wealth and status. But I realized that while he may look perfect on paper, the chemistry simply isn’t there.
Not like…like it should be.” A delicate blush colored her cheeks.