I wait for the shame to sink in, but it never comes. Instead, my mind spirals with the possibility of what might happen if I stopped ignoring the obvious.
Fighting my attraction toward Dahlia is a losing battle, and if there is one thing I hate most, it’s being defeated by her.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Dahlia
I should have known today would be a disaster from the moment I woke up in Julian’s arms as he grumbled my name in his sleep. It wasn’t the idea of him dreaming of me that scared me, but rather the way it made me feel.
Our day quickly took a drastic turn into uncharted territory, and I feel like a lost ship trying to navigate a brewing sea of mixed emotions.
I press my ear against the bathroom door after hearing a strange noise coming from inside. Goose bumps spread across my skin when Julian groans my name, followed by a curse. My skin burns at the sounds, and I’m overwhelmed by a new sensation tugging at my lower half.
You could suggest a friends-with-benefits kind of thing.
Except Julian and I aren’t friends.
Just benefits, then?
A tempting offer, but I’ve never been the casual-sex type. I’m the fall first, have sex second kind of girl, so suggesting anything else could be a recipe for disaster.
Or it could be exactly what you need.
When a pipe creaks and the water shuts off, I dash to the corner of the bed, take a seat, and pull out my phone.
A few minutes later, a cloud of steam follows behind Julian as he steps out, clad in a pair of blue jeans and a T-shirt.
“Hey.” He rubs the back of his head with a towel.
“Have a good shower?”
“Mm-hmm.” He can’t hold my eye contact for long.
Let it go.
Nope. An opportunity to tease Julian is too hard to pass up.
No pun intended.
“Did you get the job done?” I ask while fighting a smile.
A wrinkle cuts across his forehead. “I guess?”
“Was it hard?”
“Was it…” His voice trails off, only for his cheeks to explode with color a few seconds later. “You heard me.”
“Out of curiosity, was today a special occasion, or do you typically moan my name while making yourself come?”
“Only when I’m thinking about you sitting on my face.” He tosses his towel on the back of a chair.
I’m afraid my jaw may need to be popped back into place after the way it fell open. I expected Julian to stay quiet and break eye contact, but it looks like he found some post-orgasm confidence.
“Dream about it often?” I ask.
“Enough to question my sanity.”
I blink hard.
“Do you like that?” His question has my thighs pressing together.
“More than I probably should.”
My body temp spikes from his attention.
I hate myself for breaking eye contact first. “We almost kissed.”
He says nothing.
“What do you want, Julian?”
He leans against the opposite wall, looking cool, calm, and collected as he crosses his arms against his wide chest. “You tell me.”
Is he unfazed by all of this?
God. How embarrassing would that be?
I shake my head. “This is a mistake.”
“Only if you want it to be.”
“What are you saying?”
He lifts a shoulder.
I grimace. “You’re a thirty-year-old man. Communicate like one.”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“Would I be asking if it was?”
His eyes narrow.
Mine glare.
His lips curl. “You. I want you.”
My throat feels like I swallowed a bag of sand. “I recently got out of a serious relationship.”
“No one is saying you have to jump into another one.”
Not exactly the answer I was hoping for, but a decent one nonetheless.
I gather some courage and ask, “So then, what exactly are you suggesting?”
He pauses for a beat too long. “Whatever you want.”
“What do you want?”
His gaze flickers over my face. “Anything you’re willing to give me.”
“That’s it?”
He nods.
“So if I suggested something casual?” The question leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
“That’s fine.”
My heart sinks. He isn’t looking for anything serious.
Things are better this way. Fewer expectations. Less disappointment.
“Okay,” I reply.
Are you going to enter a nostrings-attached relationship with Julian?
My eyes blaze a trail down his body, taking him in without feeling self-conscious about it. Muscles for days. Abs worth drooling over. A mouth that promises the dirtiest things I’d love to experience firsthand.
Hell yeah, I am.
Why bother ignoring what we are both already painfully aware of? He is attracted to me. I’m attracted to him. The whole situation isn’t exactly rocket science, although our history might as well be.
“Dahlia.”
Our gazes collide.
“Do you want something casual?” he asks in a soft voice I never knew he possessed.
I chew on the inside of my cheek until I taste blood. “Fun and simple sounds nice after everything.”
His index finger taps against his thigh. “Fine.”
“Fine?”
“Did you expect me to object?”
“Kind of?” Or at least take more than a single second to think it over.
“You want fun and simple, then I’ll give you that.” He is saying all the right words, yet my lungs painfully constrict.
“For how long?”
“You tell me.”
“I don’t know. It’s not like I’ve done this before.”
His nostrils widen. “That’s fine.”
“But you have.” The thought makes my stomach roll.
“Does that matter to you?”
Far more than it should. “Nope.”
He stares at me for a moment before taking a step in my direction. “We keep going until one of us stops having fun.”
“No.” I need something more concrete than that. A clear boundary that will hold me accountable and stop me from doing anything stupid. “Until the New Year.” That should give me enough time to get him out of my system.
“Because you’ll be moving back to San Francisco?”
I nod. “The house will be pretty much finished, and I have a pending contract for a show.”
The muscles in his neck strain. “I can work with that.”
My stomach becomes a chaotic mess of buzzing butterflies as he walks over to me, pushes my thighs apart, and steps between them.
A shiver rolls through me as he curls his hand around the back of my neck and exposes my biggest secret with a single brush of his thumb over my pulse.
“You’re nervous.”
“A little bit,” I confess.
“What else?” He leans in and kisses my neck, drawing another shudder from me.
“Excited.” I want Julian, and I’m done avoiding my feelings in hopes of my attraction fading. I’ve tried that strategy for years to no avail, so I might as well give in and enjoy myself.
I can feel him smiling against my skin. “I’ve waited a long time for this.”
“Exactly how long are we talking here? Because maybe I didn’t make you work hard enough for it—”