Apparently, it is common knowledge that the women tend to wear green gowns to these balls, seeing that emerald is Ilya’s kingdom color. It isn’t a set rule, but something everyone simply does. Typical. Tradition.
Tiresome.
Ellie carries on about the seamstresses she knows, how wonderful their work is.
And then it hits me. I know a seamstress, lived with one.
I’m suddenly crushed by the weight of what I’ve done. No, what I haven’t done.
Adena.
The promise I made to her rings in my head, a reminder of how I’d forgotten about her. I vowed to visit her, and yet, only remembered to do so as soon as it was convenient for me.
I’m gripped by guilt, nearly choking from its tight grasp around my throat. I swallow, silently cursing myself for my selfishness.
But this wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been selfish when it comes to Adena.
I was selfish the night she found me on the roof of a shop two years ago, hurt and hysterical and hoping for someone to just understand. The rain rolled down my face as I studied the stars, mingling with my tears and stinging the fresh cuts I’d received from an Imperial that morning. Adena pulled herself over the edge of the roof before breathlessly telling me how she was certain she’d find me up there, just as she’d been certain to never again be scaling a shop.
But her smile slipped when her eyes slid to me shaking in the streaming rain, hugging my knees. I was tired. Tired of trying to be something I wasn’t while no one knew what I was.
So I decided to study the sky that night, spotting similarities between us. I was lonely in a way that I imagine the stars to be, observed by everyone yet too far to truly be seen.
And for once, I wanted to be seen by someone.
It was selfish of me to tell Adena about my past, present, and everything in between. Just knowing about what I am puts her in danger, and yet, we’ve only grown closer despite that.
She believed me. She listened as the truth spilled from me in a sob, stayed with me even after knowing what I am.
And I’ve never been more relieved about a moment of weakness.
“Ellie,” I say slowly, deliberately. “What if I know of a seamstress?”
She thinks for a moment before answering with a shrug. “That would be fine. Did you meet someone here? In the palace?”
“No, she’s from Loot.” Ellie gives me a skeptical look, but I barrel on. “She’s incredible. I can guarantee she would make me the finest dress Ilya’s ever seen.”
“Well, I suppose I could talk to Lenny about escorting you there to get her.” She quickly adds, “As long as he is allowed too.”
My brows knit together. “Get her?”
“Oh yes. If you get clearance to go, she’ll come back with you and be hired here as your personal seamstress until the Trials are over. Or until…” she trails off.
The rest of her words are drowned out by the blood pounding in my ears, and my heart is racing so quickly I feel as though I’m in the middle of a fight.
Adena is going to live here. With me.
She’ll be fed and paid. I’ll get to see her. She’ll be safe. Relief washes over me, feebly attempting to replace the guilt I still feel.
Ellie promises she’ll speak to Lenny about taking me to Loot before saying goodnight and slipping out the door.
I flop onto my bed, staring up at the intricate molding on the ceiling. I’m not sure how long I lay there, letting the hope and happiness wash over me at the thought of seeing Adena safe and sound.
And then a light knock at the door has my thoughts shattering.
Chapter Nineteen
Paedyn
It must be nearly midnight, so who the Plagues is that?
I grip the handle of my dagger and slide it out from beneath my pillow, holding it loosely at my side as I pad across the floor. When I swing open the door, my eyes meet the pair of gray ones on the other side.
Kai’s gaze drops to the dagger in my hand before returning to my face, lingering on my bruised cheekbone and split lip that he so generously gave me in our fight this morning. My pride wouldn’t allow the Healers to tend to my injuries, and unsurprisingly, the prince seemed to have the same problem. Faint bruises have bloomed across his jaw, a reminder of each blow I landed.
“Do you plan on pressing that to my throat again?” Kai’s lips twitch upwards as he inclines his head toward the dagger clutched in my fist.
“Don’t tempt me,” I say, running my fingers across the smooth, flat edge of the blade. “Here for a rematch?”
He shoves his hands into the pockets of his slim, dark pants before crossing his ankles and leaning against the door frame. “Don’t tempt me.”
Ebony hair falls over his forehead, making his gray eyes pop against the inky waves. It’s clear he hasn’t shaved, leaving a shadow of stubble covering his sharp jaw, only emphasized by the darkening bruises I left there.
“What do you want, Azer?”
“Missed you too, Gray,” Kai says, casually picking something from his distractingly thin shirt. Then his gaze snaps to mine, his long lashes in total contrast with his light eyes. “I’m here for your lesson.”
I scoff. “I’m sorry, my what?”
“Your lesson.” He cocks his head to the side, amusingly puzzled. “You’re Psychic. Did you not sense this was coming?”
“That’s not how it works, and you know it,” I say, my tone a combination of irritation and confusion. “What are you talking—”
“So, you were really going to go to the ball and step all over my brother’s toes, then?” He huffs out a laugh. “You are just full of surprises, aren’t you?”
“No, I wouldn’t step all over his toes. Maybe trip over my own but…” I trial off, watching his grin grow. His dimple mocks me, tempting me to use the dagger waiting patiently in my palm.
And then his words finally sink in.
“Dance lessons? That is why you’re here?” I let out a breathy laugh, thinking he must be joking.
“Took you long enough.” He pushes off the door frame, taking a step closer. “Come on, we don’t have all night.” Then he smirks. “Unless you want us to be out all night.”
I don’t budge. “Nope. No way. I don’t want or need your help.” I give him a mocking smile. “But it’s good to know that you are always so eager to offer it.”
I grab the edge of my door and begin shutting it on him when he wedges a shiny shoe into my room. He easily pries the door open, his strong arms pushing it back despite my best efforts. With his hand still flat on the wood, he leans in close enough to murmur, “Just like always, you’re too stubborn to admit that you need my help.”
“What I need is for you to get out of my room.” I’m smiling at him but it’s all teeth.
And yet, with every word that says otherwise, I know he’s right. I know I should take him up on his offer and practice to prevent making a fool out of myself beside the future king. But I don’t like that he can hold this over my head, don’t like that he would be helping me. Again.
“What you need and what you want are two very different things.” The scent of pine washes over me when he ducks his head close to mine, forcing me to meet his gaze. “Come on, Gray, you’re smarter than this. You know that you need to make a good impression at this ball. And next to my brother, there will be a lot more eyes on you than there already normally are.”