He meets my gaze then, holding it as he says, “I’ll spare you the details, but he showed me what it was to torture. What it was to be tortured. He taught me everything I know. Trained me both mentally and physically until he was satisfied with what he created.” He takes a breath. “Kitt’s relationship with our father is far different from mine. They spend time pouring over paperwork and bonding over their positions while Father instructs my brother on how to follow in his footsteps. And Kitt will do just that. He will do anything to make the king proud, and he always has. Me, on the other hand…” Kai laughs but it holds no humor. “I’m not the heir. I’m the expendable son. The future Enforcer that my father has molded and sent on missions for years.”
He sighs, almost smiling. “My brother and I have very different roles, very different relationships with our father. But because of it, Kitt will make a great king. And I will be his killer.”
I pause, watching him closely as he says those last few words.
And I will be his killer.
Nothing. No emotion, no expression crosses his face. I peer at him for a moment, wondering if perhaps the masks he has crafted for himself are a result of having to suppress his emotions from his own father. And perhaps that’s exactly what the king wanted, for his future Enforcer to be seemingly unfeeling.
“You asked me once if I wished it was me who would be king,” Kai says. “And I stand by what I said. I don’t want Kitt’s role in life because I refuse to give him mine. My brother is no killer, and it’s better me than him.”
I let his words sink in before clearing my throat to ask, “And these Trials that are different this year? Is this all just another mission for you to complete?”
“Not just complete. Win,” he says simply. “The Trials are just another way for me to prove myself to my people, prove myself valuable to the king.”
I watch him, wanting to know what he’s thinking. He’s never told me so much about his life, about what he went through as a child—what he still goes through today. He is the reason this year’s Purging Trials look so different, and the rest of us are simply pawns in a game that isn’t even meant for us.
I lather more salve onto his wound and wait until he finishes muttering about how he’s certain I’m plotting to kill him before asking the question that’s been nagging at me. “Your role in life as the future Enforcer. What do you think of it?”
“I think that it is my duty.”
I frown. “And I think that you have more thoughts on your own life than that. I’m asking you, Kai. Not the prince and not the future Enforcer. Just you.” I pause, and he studies me as I repeat, “What do you think of it? Your role? Your life?”
He’s quiet for a moment before the flicker of a smile crosses his face. “If I answer as Kai, will you quit with the goop?” He shoots a pointed look at the paste in my hand.
I crack a smile. “Yes, I’ll quit with the goop.”
His faint smile fades, leaving a set jaw in its place. “The truth then?”
“The truth always,” I breathe.
When he finally answers, his tone is dry. “I never wanted this. Never wanted to be what I am today. But monsters are made, not born. And I had no choice in the matter. I have no choice in the matter. But I won’t deny what I am, and I’ll do what I must for my kingdom. For my king.”
His words hit me hard, their meanings hitting harder. He knows exactly what he is, what he does. He’s a pawn to be played in a game he is forever trapped in, and each horrible act he commits is in the name of duty, the name of Ilya.
But this boy before me looked into my eyes and admitted he was a monster, acknowledged what he has been created into without so much as a hint of horror. Instead, acceptance is written across his features, acknowledging what he is and always will be.
Distracted by my thoughts, I reach to rub more salve onto his wound only for him to catch my wrist. “We had a deal, Gray. I may be accustomed to torture, but this salve of yours is unbearable.”
He offers me a small smirk, clearly wanting to lighten the mood now. Wanting to do what we do best—play with one another. So I do just that. “You’re right. A deal is a deal.” I quickly wipe my hands in the grass before adding, “Thank you for telling me about…you.” At that, he huffs out a laugh that I quickly cut off. “And remind me to take a page out of your book and ditch the next ball to go get drunk with Kitt.”
I could have sworn he stiffened slightly at my words. “And why would you do that when I’m so much more fun?”
I laugh lightly. “If by fun do you mean flirty? Because you certainly are more of that.”
He flashes me a wicked, wide grin and my heart trips over itself stupidly. “I can’t seem to help it when I’m with certain company.”
I scoff. “Yes, if certain company extends to the entire kingdom because you seem to be flirty with every female in Ilya.” I think back to the many women he danced with at the ball, the way I watched him slip on that charming smile of his.
His eyes search mine. “What, wanting me all to yourself—”
My palm connects with his face, stunning him into silence. He blinks. Confusion and the smallest hint of amusement flicker over the face I just slapped. When he finally turns his head back to me, I raise my hand in front of him to reveal the squashed bug in the center of it.
I smile at him innocently. “Mosquito. You’re welcome.”
“How kind of you,” he says dryly.
My smile is full of mock sweetness as I wrap the fabric back around his wound and shoulder, covering the salve with the battered bandage. “Just looking out for my new partner.”
“Is that so?”
“Mhmm,” I hum distractedly, biting the inside of my cheek as I examine my handiwork.
“Well in that case…” Kai stands to his feet, steps close, and hits me lightly across the face.
I let out a humorless laugh, touching my fingers to my cheek. Then my gaze locks with his amused one. He shrugs casually. “Mosquito.”
“Prove it,” I challenge.
The corner of his mouth twists upwards as he raises his hand to cup my face. “My proof happens to still be splattered on your cheek.” I hold my breath as he swipes his thumb gently over my skin before holding it up to display the smudged bug. “Just looking out for my partner.”
His tone is mocking, and yet, laughter begins bubbling out of me.
I can’t seem to stop, can’t seem to control my cackling. The thought of us hitting each other like children in the middle of a deadly Trial is extremely comical. And for once, I hope there is a Sight watching this unfold.
The glimpse of confusion and concern on Kai’s face only make me laugh more, and I clamp a hand over my now throbbing wound as I shake with laughter.
Maybe I am still delusional after all.
I snort loudly, and that’s all it took to get Kai laughing with me—well, at me. The sound is rich and deep, and irritatingly enough, I find myself quieting so I can hear it better. And then, all too quickly, the sound stops.
He’s looking at me, and I’m looking at him. I don’t know what to say or think or do as his eyes trail over my face, taking in my dirty and disheveled appearance.