He eyes the two of us as he asks slowly, “It is interesting how the Slummer girl won this last one, don’t you think?”
I stiffen, and I think Kitt might have done the same.
I all but handed the victory to her, choosing revenge over winning. Torture over triumph. I wonder if Father knows this. Knows that I let her walk over to that flag without another thought. Knows that I smiled at the sight of her, strong and sure, as she raised that flag into the air.
“She won fairly. I don’t find that interesting.” The words are out of my mouth before I can think better of them.
A humorless chuckle fills the room. “That’s just the thing,” Father says, green eyes piercing through me in a way Kitt’s never could. “Slummers don’t win.”
I stiffen at the word he spits but don’t dare to break his stare. “And yet she did.”
Kitt shoots me a look, but my eyes are pinned on the king as he says, “And you better not let it happen again. Don’t forget that it is you who must win these Trials, and if you need me to remind you what will happen if you don’t, I will.” He leans forward, his voice lethal. “I trained you for this, so you will not disappoint me. Understood, Enforcer?”
The threat in his tone is clear, and I hear it ringing in my ears.
Lose and you are nothing.
“Understood, Your Majesty.”
And with that, I stand to my feet and stride out the door. I’m pacing the halls, feeling like I need to hit something, need to drive my sword into my bedpost for the hundredth time. After all my years of training and mastering my masks, it’s always been my father who is the only one able to make me lose control. I drag my hand through my hair as I make my way back towards my room, collecting myself with every step.
“Kai.”
I run a hand down my face, sighing as I spin to face a very unhappy Kitt. “What the hell was that?” he asks harshly.
I almost laugh. “That was one of the more civil conversations we’ve had, and you know it.”
Kitt heaves a sigh, sounding tired. “Look, I know your relationship with Father is…difficult. I get it. After all the training he put you through and the expectations he has for you now, believe me, I get why you two have trouble getting along. But everything he does is for the best.”
I scoff and shake my head at the ceiling, wondering if Kitt will ever stop trying to prove himself to the king. “You know, you might think differently if he had cut you open as a boy and watched you try to stitch the wound.” I take a step towards him. “Or maybe after being forced to face your worst fears over and over and over again, you would realize that not everything he does is for the best.”
I laugh bitterly, and Kitt nearly flinches at the sound. “He made me a murderer, molded me into a monster. But that was for the best right?” I jab a finger into his chest as I say, “That was for your benefit, so you can use me when your king. Just like he has.”
Wrong thing to say.
The words hit him like a physical blow. I see the shock and hurt settle on his face as I force myself to take a step back, to calm down. I’m losing my temper for reasons I don’t even understand, and that is only making me angrier. It’s as though every pent-up piece of my past is fighting to free itself, fighting to flood to the surface.
“Kai—”
“I think you will make a great king, Kitt,” I say quietly, cutting through his words. “And I will proudly serve you. But you need to learn to think on your own because one day, Father won’t be there to do it for you. So, I suggest you start figuring out what you think is for the best.”
And with that, I turn and head down the hall.
Chapter Forty-Five
Paedyn
The gardens are quiet at night. Only the chorus of chirping crickets and the soft howl of the wind follow me as I make my way to the familiar willow bordering the open lawn where the last ball took place.
I’ve come here often since that night, finding comfort in the shelter of the shadowy willow when I can’t sleep. I’ve grown used to sitting under there for hours, simply allowing myself time to think.
Brushing aside the low-hanging branches, I step underneath the canopy of leaves. I sigh, suddenly feeling more settled as I breathe in the warm night air.
But the peace I feel is short-lived when a shadow shifts beside the trunk.
I whirl, my fingers flying towards the dagger at my thigh only to be caught by a rough hand. “Easy, Gray, it’s just me.”
I blink through the darkness as my eyes adjust to the dim light, landing on the amused gray ones before me. “What are you doing here?” I sputter.
“I could ask you the same question.”
“And I could have stabbed you!”
Kai’s brows raise. “So you’re not going to try? I’d say that’s progress.”
“Oh, but I should for you scaring me like that.”
He lets go of my hand slowly, studying me all the while. “I scared you? You’re the one who crept up on me.”
“Well, I didn’t exactly know you would be here,” I whisper harshly.
“Clearly,” he says with a smirk twisting his lips. “But you’re more than welcome to stay.” And then he settles himself onto the ground, looking rather comfortable with his arm tucked behind his head.
I stare at him. “What are you doing?”
“Waiting for you to get down here and join me.”
I stand there, watching the slow smile spread across his face.
“Is it the dress?” he asks as he sits up and begins shrugging off his suit coat. When it’s slid off his shoulders, he lays it on the ground beside him. “There, now you won’t get all dirty.”
I look down at the simple silk dress I slipped on for our dinner with the king and queen. It’s rather comfortable, and I was far too lazy to take it off before making my way out here. Kai must have felt similarly since he’s still wearing his fine attire.
But my hesitance to join him has nothing to do with dirtying my dress and everything to do with the fact that I shouldn’t stay here. What I should do is turn, wish him goodnight, and head back to my room without another word. And yet, my feet make no move to carry me away from him.
He pats the coat expectantly, and the sight has a choked laugh slipping past my lips. “How very gentlemanly of you, but that coat is not nearly big enough to save my dress from getting dirty.”
“I can take off my shirt and lay that down for you as well if you like,” he says casually.
“On second thought,” I mutter, “the coat will suffice.” He chuckles and I’m suddenly walking towards him, ignoring my screaming thoughts that tell me to do otherwise. I sit and slowly lay down beside him, our shoulders brushing. We are quiet for a long moment, both of us content to stare up at the drooping canopy of leaves above while listening to the crickets chirping beside us.
I’m almost reluctant to break the comfortable quiet, but I ask softly, “Why are you here?”
He almost laughs. “I’ve been coming here since I was a boy. In fact, I fell out of this very tree after Kitt dared me to climb it. Broke my arm, too—”
A bubble of laughter slips past my lips, cutting him off. “Are you laughing at me, Gray?” He’s trying to fight his own smile as he adds, “I’m glad you find my pain so amusing.”