“I’m trying to help.” He stood up and headed to the coffee machine while she stared after him in frustration.
“Unless you can rewind time, there’s not much you can do to fix this.” She’d never understood how he could drink coffee this late in the evening and not be awake for half the night.
He pressed a button and made himself a strong espresso. “So what are you saying? You want to have another baby?”
Anna choked and put her glass down. “Did you seriously just say that?”
“Yes. Why so shocked? You love babies, and you’re telling me kids are the only important thing in your life. So I’m taking that to mean we should probably have another child.” He sipped his coffee, watching her from across the kitchen.
The conversation felt jarring. And she hadn’t said the kids were the only important thing in her life—had she said that? No, surely not. Did fathers feel the same way about their children as mothers? Was the bond somehow different? It was something she and her friends had discussed in their last book club meeting in a response to the book they’d been reading, although as neither Claudia nor Erica had children, it had been a short discussion. And given that Erica’s father had stuck around for all of eight minutes after she was born, her opinion had been heavily biased.
“Another baby? Pete, that’s ridiculous.” She finished her wine.
“Why is it ridiculous?”
“We always agreed two was a good number, and it just happened that we had two at the same time.”
“So? We’re allowed to change our minds if that’s what you want.”
It hadn’t even occurred to her. She tried to imagine being pregnant again. Having another baby. The sleepless nights. The chaos. The fun and the love. “I’m going to be forty in a few months. And so are you.”
“Plenty of people have babies when they’re forty. And what we lack in youth, we make up for in experience. We were young when we had the twins. We’ve learned a lot.” He shrugged. “Who knows? We might make half-decent parents next time around. We can consider the twins our practice run.”
She knew she was supposed to laugh, but she couldn’t find laughter anywhere inside her.
Even if it was possible, would she want that? “The kids would freak out. It would be evidence that we still have sex.”
He gave a faint smile. “It will be good for their education.”
She could imagine Meg. Ugh, Mom, no way! Do not pick me up from school for the next nine months.
“It’s not just the kids. I can’t keep having babies to solve the problem. There will always be a ‘last baby.’”
“I know, but by then you’ll be too old to care.” Pete drank the espresso and then put the cup down carefully. “Do you want to know what I think?”
“I’m not sure. Do I? Your last suggestion bordered on wild.” Feeling shaken and unsettled, she walked across the kitchen and topped up Lola’s water bowl. She had a feeling Pete didn’t really understand, and perhaps wasn’t trying hard to understand, and that made her feel lonely. A ripple of panic spread through her. She never felt lonely in her marriage. When had Pete not understood? They talked about everything.
“I think we should get the tree together this weekend,” he said, “and then you should go away with your friends and enjoy yourself. You always love your week together. You come back buzzing. You really missed it this summer.”
“I know, but summer is different.”
“It doesn’t have to be. What’s cozier than curling up in a snowy inn talking about books?”
“Do you mind me going?”
“Mind? Of course not. You’re lucky, Anna. Books have been your hobby forever, and your book club has been a big thing for you since college. Go and have fun. Drink hot chocolate. Argue about plots and characters and inexplicable decisions. Forget about the kids. Christmas will still be here when you’re back. It’s not going anywhere.”
He was right, of course. Books were her hobby. Reading kept her going. Some people exercised, and Anna did try to exercise when she could summon the motivation, and some people meditated, but all Anna had to do to relax was pick up a book and she was immediately transported to another world. And it would be fun to spend time with her friends. Also, she was worried about Claudia and wanted to give her some support.
With that thought uppermost in her mind, she picked up the phone to Erica before she could change her mind.
Her friend answered immediately.
“I’m coming,” Anna said. “Book it now.”
“Did the kids try and stop you?”
She felt a pang. “They didn’t try and stop me.”
“Good. You deserve some time to yourself, Anna. Pack your winter clothing and your snowshoes. You’re going to have the time of your life and I promise I’m going to give you more Christmas atmosphere than you can handle.”
“That isn’t possible. I can handle a lot. You’ve reserved the rooms?”
“Not yet. I’ve been swamped with work. Why do companies cut corners and never think about the consequences? Anyway, now you’ve confirmed I’m going to call them first thing tomorrow because you know how fussy I am about details. Claudia emailed me to say she’s in, so I’m booking three rooms at the Maple Sugar Inn. Hot chocolate. Cookies. It will be like those late nights back in college when we all curled up and tasted whatever Claudia had baked. Did you read the stuff I sent through about the place?”
“Yes. It looks idyllic.” Anna wondered what it would be like to wake up every day to that view. She felt a flash of envy. “And although it’s horrible that she lost her husband, at least Hattie Coleman is able to carry on their dream. I’m sure that brings her comfort.”
FIVE
Hattie
“The pillow is too hard. I don’t like a hard pillow.” The woman glared at Hattie. “I haven’t slept a wink.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Mrs. Green.” Her apology was genuine, as was her feeling of sympathy. If anyone understood the impact of lack of sleep it was her, but right now even if she slept on a fluffy cloud she doubted she’d be able to switch her brain off. “I’ll ask the housekeeping staff to give you fresh pillows.”
“Don’t give me the ones I had on the first night. They were too soft.”
Too hard, too soft—it was like trying to please Goldilocks, Hattie thought. Still, trying to make sure the guests had a perfect stay was the part of the job she enjoyed. She wanted to give them a moment they’d remember forever, because those moments were important. Happy moments sustained you when life was hard.
“I’m going to ask Chloe to bring you a selection so you can choose,” she said. “It’s important to us that you’re comfortable. We’ll make it a priority to sort it out, I promise. In the meantime, if you head into the dining room I’ll make sure the staff gives you your favorite table overlooking the river and the mountains. We have eggs Benedict on the menu. Chef’s specialty. I recommend it.”
The phone rang and Hattie waited for Mrs. Green to head into the dining room for breakfast before she answered it.