“I don’t know. He said he’d book somewhere.”
“That’s romantic.”
Hattie laughed. Noah was more down-to-earth and practical than romantic. “He probably just didn’t know at the time. Which brings us back to this dress.” But she no longer had doubts about the dress. She didn’t want to melt into the background. She didn’t want to play it safe. She wanted to wear a dress that made her feel happy, and this dress most definitely did that.
Anna waved a hand. “The dress works wherever you end up eating. It’s agreed. We’re doing hair and makeup and you are going to enjoy a guilt-free evening.”
“And if he kisses you,” Claudia said, “you are going to kiss him right back. I bet that man is a seriously good kisser.”
This time Hattie said nothing. She already knew he was a seriously good kisser, but that wasn’t something she was willing to share. Some feelings were hers and hers alone.
But maybe instead of hiding from what had happened, it was time to address it.
TWENTY-ONE
Erica
Erica hauled the sled to the top of the bank, following Delphi, who was, quite evidently, a great deal more experienced at this than she was. The padded jacket she’d bought for the trip felt bulky and unfamiliar. It wasn’t flattering and it was a long way from her usual choice of clothing, but at least it was doing a good job keeping out the cold.
She paused to draw breath, feeling the freezing air fill her lungs. All around them were trees and beyond the trees the mountains. Below her the ground fell away in a gentle slope all the way to the gardens of the inn, the fresh layer of snow turning hedges and plants into frozen sculptures.
Erica had never been on a sled and couldn’t quite believe she was doing it now. When she’d suggested Delphi pick an activity, she’d expected to find herself coloring, or reading, or enjoying some other quietly thoughtful occupation. But Delphi had wanted to go outdoors.
“She loves it out there.” Hattie had tucked Delphi into multiple layers and helped her pull on snow boots. “She’s an unstoppable bundle of energy. After a day at kindergarten, it’s what she needs.”
Erica had managed to pretend that playing in new snow in temperatures capable of freezing human skin was exactly what she needed, too.
Fortunately, Anna had been keen to join them and the three of them had trudged round to the back of the hotel and then up to the top of the slope, which Hattie assured them provided first-class and very safe sledding. Anna had gone first, whooping her way down the hill while Delphi cheered. And now it was Delphi’s turn.
Trying to be a responsible aunt, Erica turned to warn her to be careful but Delphi was already on the sled and speeding down the hill toward Anna. A kaleidoscope of possible catastrophes filled Erica’s head, but Delphi made it to the bottom without mishap and then it was Erica’s turn.
Hoping that next time Delphi would pick coloring as an activity, Erica straddled the sled. From this angle the slope seemed steeper than she’d first thought. For a second she felt something close to fear, and then laughed at herself. A five-year-old had just gone down the same slope without hesitating, and here she was wondering if it was a good idea. It made her realize that her life was far too sanitized and controlled. She spent too much time inside soulless glass offices and luxury hotels.
She breathed in the sharp, cold air and decided she needed to get outdoors more. Maybe instead of hotel gyms, she’d start running. Maybe she’d learn to ski. Jack skied and was always talking about how the concentration required meant that, for him, it was the ultimate form of relaxation.
Feeling thoroughly unlike herself, she pushed off. She could see Anna and Delphi at the bottom, waving, and behind them the inn with its pretty windows and balconies.
For the first couple of seconds the sled crawled and Erica thought this is fine, and then it suddenly gained speed. How was it going so fast? She whooshed down the slope, gasping and then giggling because she felt thoroughly out of control and she never, ever felt out of control. Was she going to stop? Had Delphi gone this fast? She heard Anna yelling something about using her feet as a brake but before she could do anything she somehow hit a bump and finished the run on her back with the sled on top of her.
She lay there for a moment, the air knocked from her body.
Snow found the gap between her jacket and her skin and slid in frozen rivulets down her neck.
Delphi was clapping her hands and dancing with delight. “Isn’t it fun, Aunt Erica?”
Erica pushed the sled away and stared up at the sky, trying to work out what she’d broken. “So much fun.”
And then she started to laugh because actually it had been fun and she couldn’t believe she was lying here, covered in snow, with a five-year-old grinning down at her. And having started laughing, she couldn’t stop. Her sides ached and she couldn’t breathe properly but still she laughed in a way she couldn’t ever remember laughing before.
Delphi started laughing, too. “You have snow in your hair. You look silly, Aunt Erica.”
“Do I? Good. It’s a good thing to not take yourself too seriously.”
And she did that a lot. Everything in her life was serious. Instead of focusing on the moment, she focused on consequences. And it was her job to do that, to look into the future and predict what crisis might derail a client’s long-term plan, but since when had she lived that way in her personal life? Since always.
Anna hurried over, concerned. “Are you all right?”
“I’ve never been better.”
And she realized with a disturbing flash of clarity that she didn’t have enough fun in her life. She enjoyed reading, she loved relaxing in a spa, she enjoyed the theater and she was addicted to the rush of adrenaline that was part of winning a big piece of business, but the only thing in her life that came close to giving her that feeling of dizzying lightness that had come from rushing down that slope against a backdrop of Delphi’s excited yelling, was the time she spent with Jack.
“You need to steer,” Delphi said helpfully, “then you won’t fall off. I’m going again.” Without waiting for either of them to reply she shot up the slope again, all energy and determination, dragging her sled behind her.
Anna was shaking her head. “What happened to you?”
“According to Delphi, I didn’t steer.”
“I’m not talking about your skill on the mountain, I’m talking about all this laughter. I can’t believe you’re enjoying this. It’s not you at all.”
“I know. Which just goes to show we don’t always know what’s good for us, because I can’t remember when I had more fun.” She held up her arm for help. “Remind me, where is the nearest hospital?”
“You’re in the middle of nowhere. No hospital.” Smiling but bemused, Anna tugged her to her feet. “You’re really having fun? I assumed you’d be fantasizing about shoe shopping in Manhattan.”
“Shoes are nice, but shoes have never made me laugh so much my sides hurt.” Erica tried to brush the bulk of the snow from her jacket but it was a losing battle. “I’m having a good time.”
Anna watched her with a strange look in her eyes. “You look like a different person.”