Shifting my body towards the machine, I ask, ‘So, what is this thing? How does it work? Is it you that’s magic?’
The old lady reaches forward and clasps my hands in hers. ‘ “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” ’
‘Are you Shakespeare?’ I ask with a smile, and her eyes light up in amusement.
She drops my hand and holds out her palm. ‘Are you ready? Do you have a coin?’
‘What, I need to do it now? Don’t I get to say goodbye to people first?’
‘No time like the present. Well, no time like the future.’ She smiles and hands me two coins.
‘Could I come back tomorrow, or maybe next week? Just have a few more days here . . . I need to say goodbye to Sam, to hug the children . . .’
‘Lucy, it doesn’t sound like your mind is made up at all.’
‘Oh no, it is, I have to go back. I want my life, I need to see Zoya.’
‘Then you won’t remember this anyway. What good are forgotten goodbyes?’
She’s right. If I’m going, there’s no point in dragging out my departure. Before I can overthink it, I slot the coins into the machine, close my eyes, and wish to go back to my old life, to be twenty-six again, to have all this ahead of me. But when I open my eyes, the lights of the machine are still dull, it sits stubbornly silent.
‘Oh dear,’ she says.
‘What do you mean “oh dear”？ Why isn’t it working?’
She kicks the machine, trying to jolt it to life. ‘Is it broken?’
‘I suspected this might happen,’ she says, bowing her head slightly.
‘What? What’s happened?’
‘You don’t want it enough.’
‘I do. I do want it! I want to go back,’ I shout at the machine, ‘I want to go back!’
‘It only works if it’s with all your heart. Some of your heart is here now.’
‘So I’m stuck?’ I ask, panic bubbling in my chest. I doubted I could fly.
‘Maybe you do need to say your goodbyes,’ she says kindly, but then taps the machine and consults her pocket watch again. ‘You don’t have much time though. The longer you are here, the harder it will be to leave. When you truly feel this life is yours, more memories will return, and when the blanks have filled in, the window to leave will close.’
‘What? There’s a time limit now! Why is there a time limit?’ That seems like a needless plot device to add stress to my already incredibly stressful situation.
‘Everyone needs a deadline,’ she says, clicking and unclicking a button on her watch. ‘Go, say your goodbyes, but be back and ready to leave before the picture fills in.’
Right, so go back home, say goodbye to everyone I love, and then emotionally detach enough to come back here and try again – all before the amnesia wears off and the magic portal closes. When I explain all this to Felix, it’s going to blow his little mind.
Chapter 33
‘I knew it!’ says Felix, jumping up and down on his bed. ‘I knew there would be a portal. I can’t believe it was there all along.’
‘I know.’
‘Do you think I can go through the portal? Do you think I can go to Mars?’ Felix asks.
‘Why would you want to go to Mars? You’d die, there’s no air.’
‘I could wish for air; I could wish for a whole colony. I could rename Mars, Felix-Is-a-Bad-ass. How cool would that be?’
‘Felix-Is-a-Bad-ass,’ I say, smiling. ‘Something tells me the wishing machine doesn’t deal in those kinds of wishes.’
Felix nudges his head into me, and I wrap my arm around him. ‘What will happen here if you go? Will old Mummy come back?’
‘I’m not sure. But yes, I imagine everything will carry on like before.’
‘But if you go back, and you change something, I might never exist – that’s what lady Yoda said.’
‘I know, shit. Why would I change anything though?’
‘Shit happens.’
‘Don’t swear.’
‘You said it first!’
We grin at each other. ‘If I stay, she said my memories will come back. I’d be your mummy again.’
‘You’re already my mummy,’ Felix says, hugging closer into me. ‘Just messier and swearier.’
I blink back tears.
Sam pokes his head around the door. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Mummy’s upset because I’m going to be a cosmonaut,’ says Felix.
Sam shoots me a confused look.
‘I’m hormonal,’ I explain. ‘Anything will set me off today.’
‘Will it make you cry if I say dinner’s ready?’ he asks, and I shake my head, furiously rubbing away tears with my palms.
As I walk down the stairs, I notice the lighting is different. There are candles lit in the hall, and the curtains are drawn. Turning around, I give Sam a questioning look, but he just gives me an enigmatic smile. Something is going on.
Following the candles, I open the door to the kitchen to find the table set for two, with a bunch of red roses in the middle.
‘What’s all this for?’
‘It’s a restaurant; I’m the waiter,’ says Felix, pulling out a chair, and I notice he’s put an apron on and has a pencil tucked behind his ear.
‘I wanted to take you out, but I couldn’t get a sitter,’ says Sam.
As I sit down, I notice a folded piece of paper in front of me with ‘Menu’ written on the front in Felix’s wobbly handwriting. ‘There’s only one thing on the menu,’ he whispers. ‘So, you have to have that.’
Inside the menu is written, ‘Vegetable lasagne – ￡1000’。 ‘Wow, this is an expensive restaurant,’ I say.
‘Well, I thought I’d push the boat out,’ says Sam.
‘What are we celebrating? It’s not an anniversary, is it?’ I ask, feeling myself grinning at Sam.
‘No, I just know how hard the last month has been for you. I want you to know we love you.’ He pauses. ‘Whatever you do or don’t remember.’
Felix makes a face. ‘Are you going to get all soppy, Dad?’
‘I might, and the waiter is not supposed to comment on the diners’ conversation.’
Sam stands up to get wine from the fridge, while Felix picks up a jug and leans across the table to fill up my water glass. He then spills it all over the table.
‘Oops.’
As I jump up to clear up the mess, my phone pings with a message.
‘Mummy, no phones at the table,’ says Felix. ‘This is a smart restaurant.’
‘Sorry, I’m just waiting to hear from work,’ I explain. ‘Ooh, it’s from Gary.’
My eyes eagerly scan his message.
Lucy, I won’t call this late, but thought you’d want to know – just got off the phone with Mel Durham. She loved your pitch, they want to take The House Is Going to Get You to development. Congratulations. Let’s have lunch this week to discuss your new role as Head of Development for Bamph UK. Big year ahead for you.
Gary Snyder
I squeal, then read the message aloud to Sam and Felix. ‘I’ll forward this to the team; they’ll be waiting to hear.’