She slips in behind me and gives me a hug. I wrap my arms around hers and hold her tight, letting myself take advantage of the sisterly hug.
“You’re not a failure,” Kelsey says. “You’ve just hit a bump in the road.”
“You all told me she was going to screw me over at some point, and maybe I thought that in the beginning, but after finding a groove with work and proving my worth at the company, I thought I could trust her. I truly thought I’d found my place.” I shake my head. “I’m an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot.” She pats my hands before releasing me. “But maybe you make some bad decisions at times.”
“I make so many bad decisions. Remember that time you told me not to ask out Tyler Dretch because you said he liked you, but I tried to prove you wrong and asked him out anyway? He told me he wanted to date the younger version of myself. That was in high school. HIGH SCHOOL, Kelsey.”
She chuckles. “I know. I told you not to.”
“And then when I bought those peach-colored seersuckers? I convinced you they were the newest fashion but it just hadn’t hit the market yet, and I wore them to the beach only for them to tear in the crotch seam when I bent over? My ass crack never cinched up so tight and so fast in my life.”
“I can still see the horrified look on your face as you felt the first ocean breeze cross your lady bits. Not wearing underwear, another bad decision.”
“You see? I don’t even know what a good decision is.”
“That’s not true. Those are just small things. You’ve made some good decisions.”
“Oh yeah?” I ask, pouring the margarita ingredients into the shaker. “Please, regale me with my amazing decisions.”
Kelsey leans against the counter and taps her chin. “Uh . . . you . . . well, there was the time . . . hmm, oh, what about . . . eh, maybe not that . . .”
“Please, keep them coming,” I say dryly. “You’re showering me with all my good decisions. I can barely breathe from all the flattery.”
“Just give me a second, sheesh—oh, you got your master’s in business. That was a great idea.”
“Was it?” I ask her. “Because I’ve spent the last year using my measly paycheck to pay off my hefty student loans. And that master’s in business did absolutely nothing for me other than land me a job with Angela, which . . . we know how that ended.”
“Oh, I forgot about the student loans. Are they bad?” Kelsey’s face scrunches up.
I shake the mixer and say, “I honestly can’t even look, I’m too scared. I have them on autopay right now.”
“How much do you have in the bank?”
I wince.
It’s bad.
And I knew she was going to ask the question, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
I pour the margaritas into their respective glasses. “I don’t know. Once again, too scared to look.”
Kelsey takes a deep breath, picks up her drink, and says, “Well, if we’re going to figure out what you’re going to do, then we’re going to have to rip the bandage off and take a look at what we’re working with. We need to know your level of desperation.”
She pulls her computer from her bag and nods toward the dining room table.
“It’s time,” she says.
Crap . . . I’m afraid she’s right. It is time.
I stand there, lift the glass to my lips, and take a very large sip. I’m going to need it.
We both stare blankly at the wall in front of us.
Not a word.
Not a movement.
Just . . . staring.
The air conditioner will kick on every few minutes, blowing cool air over my heated body. But that’s it. That’s the only movement in the house, a slight wisp of my hair floating across my grief-stricken and incredibly shocked face.
I’ve heard of rock bottom before. I’ve read about it. I’ve even seen it on some people.
I thought I was at rock bottom yesterday.
But I was wrong.
This . . . this right here is rock bottom.
Finally, after at least five minutes of silence, Kelsey says, “So, I’d say our level of desperation is DEFCON 1.”
I tip back my drink and finish the contents. “Yup,” I say simply.
Over thirty thousand dollars in debt, less than three thousand dollars to my name.
Not enough for a deposit and first month’s rent for my own place.
Not enough to keep paying off my loans.
Not enough to consider some money to fall back on.