“Partner?” Cora asks. “Ohhh, like her lover?” Cora starts giggling like a moron.
“No, she’s not,” I say.
“Oh, sorry. She just seemed like your type,” Ashley says offhandedly.
My dad clears his throat. “I wasn’t aware that you like women. Is this a new development?”
“What? No,” I nearly shout.
“We always thought she was into girls,” Ashley says.
“Who’s we?” I ask.
What is happening right now? Why is my sexual orientation a point of topic? And why is Ashley bringing it up? Not that it would be a bad thing to be gay. I envy lesbians at times, not having to deal with the disgusting intricacies of the male population. Is it too much to ask to wash your hands after you go to the bathroom? You touch your private parts to pee, therefore WASH YOUR HANDS. The amount of times I’ve seen male teachers come out of the teachers’ lounge bathroom with dry hands is— “Kristin, Tiffany, and Madison,” Ashley answers, interrupting my thoughts. “We actually thought you and McKenna were a secret couple.”
“No.” I shake my head. “She was my best friend.”
“McKenna would spend the night often at our house,” Dad says, a raise to his brow.
“Because she was my best friend.”
“You’d giggle in the back of the bus on school trips.”
“Because she was my FRIEND!” I shout, drawing attention from the shop attendant.
“Well, it doesn’t matter.” Ashley waves me off. “I was just confused because your dad was telling me you’ve never been in a relationship, so I figured you were just hiding yourself.” Ashley touches me again on the arm and I swear if she does it again, I’ll— “It’s okay to be open with me. I’m going to be a big part of your life. I’m quite maternal. If you want to come out to me—”
“I have a boyfriend,” I shout, surprising Cora and myself.
“What? Since when?” Cora asks, taking a step back to look me up and down.
Christ, if only she could read a room.
Jaw clenched, I say, “Uh, we’ve been keeping it secret.”
“Oh my God, who is it?” Cora asks, completely oblivious.
I try to communicate to her without talking but we’re both too wasted to have any sort of mindreading communication translated so I say, “Uh, he’s, uh . . .” Think. Think, Stella. Who’s your boyfriend?
Chris Pine.
Chris Evans.
Chris Hemsworth.
No, no, no. Why is Chris in my head right now?
Think of a name.
Any name.
A man’s name . . .
“Romeo,” I say before I can stop myself.
Oh no.
“Shut . . . UP,” Cora shouts. “God, I knew it. I freaking knew it. I told Greer the other day you two were totally together and putting on a front.” She parades around the small space in the back of the store, fist-pumping the air with certainty. “I can’t wait to tell Greer and shove it in her face. This is fantastic. And he’s here, in Maui. Oh my God, are you two sneaking off to be with each other?”
“Uh, no, it’s not—”
“He’s here?” Ashley asks, jumping up and down, her boobs bobbing with her. “Oh my God, Donny, we need to meet him. Tomorrow night, let’s have dinner together.”
And this is why you don’t say a name people know.
Damn you, Mai Tais, we’re done.
You had your chance, and you didn’t play your cards right. It’s over between us.
“You know, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Oh, so you’re not really together then?” Ashley asks, a challenging glint in her eye.
And that right there, that one look, pushes me over the edge.
Something in me snaps.
Maybe it’s the athlete in me.
Maybe it’s the Mai Tais.
Maybe it’s my jealous breasts who wish they were as perky and nice as Ashley’s, but I up the ante on the delusional situation I seem to be in.
“Oh, we’re together. We, uh . . . we’re actually engaged too but we’re not saying anything since we’re here on our friends’ wedding trip.”
“You’re ENGAGED?” Cora brings her hands to her head in utter shock.
Ugh, how could I forget she was still here?
Ignoring Cora, I say, “So, yeah, happy and in love.”
“Stelly, I’m so happy for you,” Dad says in a warm tone as he scoops me up into a hug and presses a kiss to the top of my head like he used to when I was growing up. “This calls for celebration.” He holds my shoulders and looks me in the eyes. “Tomorrow night, dinner. You, me, Ashley, and Romeo. I’ll text you the details.”