“So, unemployed,” he cuts in, and I grow defensive.
“Not by my choice.”
“So, you were fired?” He lifts his brow in question.
I puff up my chest. “As a matter of fact, I was fired, and not because I wasn’t doing my job, but because my idiot boss believes she can get someone else to do my job for less pay.” With a sinister smile, I say, “I hope her business burns up in flames.”
He lets out a low chuckle. “Seems like poor management to me.”
“You could say that. My boss was one of my best friends growing up. A volatile friendship, very toxic. I could love her and hate her all in the span of one minute. She told me my firing wasn’t personal, and then the next day, she asked if I’d help her with our high school reunion she’s planning, you know, now that I have time on my hands.”
He winces. “Brutal.”
“Yes. So, she’s Satan’s daughter.”
“Seems like she did you a favor.”
I shake my head. “She screwed me over.” I smile. “But we can talk about that later. My turn to ask a question. What do you do?”
“Real estate,” he answers simply.
“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say?”
He sips from his beer and then says, “Sorry, don’t have a tragic story to tell you about losing my job.”
“Are you mocking me?”
He levels with me, his eyes connecting directly with mine. “I’m trying to get you to agree to be my fake fiancée. Do you really think I’d mock you?”
“I guess not.”
“Next question. Are you attached to anyone romantically in any way?” he asks.
“If I were, I wouldn’t be trying to find someone to take to the reunion, now would I?” I take another bite of my burrito bowl and wish I wasn’t trying to be all dainty around this guy, because the chicken is on fire today and I want to shovel it in my mouth.
“So that’s a no. I need to hear you say it.”
What a formal fuck. “That’s a no. I’m not romantically involved with anyone.” I motion to my body and say in the voice of the old lady from Titanic, “It’s been eighty-four years since these breasts have been touched.”
He smirks and nods. “Good.”
“What about you?” I ask. “Seems like a stupid question since you’re looking for a fake fiancée, but who knows. Maybe you got yourself involved in some sort of drug deal gone sideways and you need a fake fiancée to get you out of the situation instead of throwing your wife to the wolves, so you find an innocent walker in the neighborhood to use as a decoy. Lure her in with promises of extra guac and good-smelling cologne.”
Seeming amused, he wipes his mouth and leans back in his chair before tossing his napkin on the table. “I fear what else is going on in that head of yours.”
“Trust me, it’s a place you don’t want to get lost in.” I grin and then shove some more chicken in my mouth. Sweet Chipotle gods, you outdid yourself today. Chef’s kiss.
“Apparently. And to answer your question, no, I’m not romantically involved with anyone. Don’t have time.”
“Ooo, workaholic, huh? A man who’s married to his work, always a catch for a single lady.”
“Haven’t found anyone to take me away from my work.” He finishes up his burrito, and if this guy were my bro right now, I’d offer up a high five for the annihilation of his meal. Color me impressed.
“So, you’re saying if you found the right woman . . . or man—”
“Woman,” he says, sipping his beer.
“Just double-checking. Can never be too sure. If you found the right woman, you would come home early?”
“If I found the right woman, I’d be far more interested in fucking her against every surface of my house rather than answering monotonous emails or buying a business partner a drink.”
Well . . . okay.
That’s . . . well, that’s information.
“So, you like fucking. That’s good to know,” I say awkwardly while nodding.
“Do you not enjoy fucking?” he asks, and I don’t think I’ve ever met someone like him. Bold, brash, domineering, but also equipped with a playful side if you can pull it out of him.
“Well, you know . . . since it’s been eighty-four years, I can’t quite draw up any experiences that would remind me what a pleasurable event fucking is.”
He slowly nods but doesn’t say anything after that. Instead, he studies me, and under that strong gaze, I feel naked, as if he’s stripping me down to nothing with every breath I take.