I could feel his fingers trembling, and I looked up at him, alarmed. “Are you all right? Why are you shaking? What’s going on?”
“I give speeches in rooms to hundreds of people. I don’t know why I’m so nervous right now. I mean, I do, but I thought somehow I’d be a lot smoother,” he muttered.
I looked around, confused. “Are you talking to me?”
“Yes, no, I mean . . .” He breathed out and stood up, drawing a small box from his pocket as he bent down to one knee.
“Oh my God, what are you doing?”
“I kinda thought it’d be obvious,” he joked as he popped open the velvet box to reveal a beautiful teardrop diamond ring surrounded by a sparkling halo of smaller stones. “Every day since you knocked on my door on Christmas, I’ve thanked my lucky stars we were given a second chance. Avery, I want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side. You are the source of my happiness, the center of my world, and the whole of my heart. Will you marry me?”
I wasn’t aware I had stopped breathing until I heard my pulse booming in my ears. As my vision turned hazy and my head filled with ringing, I surveyed the moment: there were no confetti cannons, no kicklines of Broadway dancers, no Sutton-freakin’-Foster. In fact, it was the exact opposite of Adam’s proposal. Simple. Intimate. Impromptu. It was perfectly Gabe.
My hands were clasped over my mouth, and I struggled to put my words and thoughts together. “Are you sure . . . like really sure? It’s only been a few months.”
And while I knew we had a much longer history than that, it all still felt a little too fast. Maybe I was missing something? What was the big hurry?
He came up off his knee, took his place next to me on the couch, and lifted a hand to my cheek. “Seven years and a few months. We’ve let so much time go by. I don’t want to lose another second.”
He pulled me in for a kiss, and any doubt in my mind that he was serious disappeared off the radar. I relaxed into his body, my chest rising and falling with his, and wrapped my arms around his neck, deepening the pressure of the kiss with my fingers in his hair. Soon I was breathless and dizzy from delirium, and he took the opportunity to pull the ring from the box and slide it onto my finger.
I looked down at my hand, the reality of the moment really sinking in. “Gabe, it’s beautiful, but ring or not, you don’t have to worry about losing me. I’m not going anywhere. We’re exactly where we’re meant to be. I, of course, want to marry you, but this is all a lot right now with the audition on the horizon, and what if I actually get this thing? God, I can’t even imagine trying to plan a wedding if I get cast. This is my dream and it’s finally within reach. I need to focus on this final push to Tuesday, and then we can talk about the future. There’s no need to rush things.”
Gabe fell silent as his brows knit together. “No, actually, there kinda is. I’ve been offered my dream job: chief of staff for the secretary of Housing and Urban Development.”
“What? When did that happen? That’s amazing. I’m so proud of you.” I threw my arms around his neck. “But what does having a new job have to do with us getting married? I get that you’ll be busy, and if you’re worried about not being able to take time for a honeymoon, we can put that off. I understand.”
He drew back, allowing my arms to slip from around him, and looked me in the eyes. “Avery, the job’s in DC.”
“DC? Washington, DC? No, what? I don’t understand.”
“What don’t you understand? I want you to come with me . . . to DC. Come and marry me and we can live happily ever after the way we were always meant to.”
I dropped my head into my hands, feeling a wave of nausea wash over me. “DC? No. No. That’s not how this is supposed to happen. That’s not how this goes.” I backed away from him, hands raised and waving with emphatic gestures. We were supposed to . . . I don’t know, but not this. No version of what I’d imagined our future life together would be had me moving to Washington, DC, in a few months.
“How what was supposed to happen? How what goes?” He stepped toward me, taking me by the wrists, lowering them down, and rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. Just the feeling of him taking me by the arms and caressing my skin calmed me down, and I took a few deep breaths as I watched his lips. “Avery, you’re not making any sense.”
My eyes lifted to his, tears brimming at my lashes, threatening to spill. “What about my audition? What did you expect me to do if I got the part? How did you expect me to choose?”
“I love you, Avery. You love me. The phone booth and Christmas and Paris and Charles Dickens—it was all for this moment. The universe conspired to bring us back together and look at where we are. You have to see it?”
I did see it, but now it all looked completely different. What the hell had just happened?
“Look, I’m tired, and confused, and overwhelmed. And the last thing I want to do is hurt you.” I leaned over and kissed him hard. “I do love you, Gabe. This isn’t about that.” I twisted the ring off my finger, closed my fist around it, and handed it back to him. “I’m not saying no. And please believe there is a part of me that is screaming yes at the top of my lungs. But that other part just needs a little more time to think this all through. At least until after the audition’s over.”
He slipped the ring back into the box and snapped the lid shut. Though he was putting on a good show, the hurt reflected in his expression was undeniable and it struck me like a knife under my ribs. “I guess, take whatever time you need. I’ll give you your space. I’m not going anywhere.”
I raised my eyebrows and my lips drew into a line. “But actually, you are.”
“No, I’m asking you to come along with me. Won’t you? Please, Avery?” he pleaded.
Does he even realize what he’s asking?
I grabbed my coat and whispered, “The audition. I should go,” before kissing him once more and walking out of the apartment.
I barely slung the jacket over my shoulders as I pushed open the glass front door of the building into the night air with only one clear destination in mind—the one and only place I knew would have the answers I so desperately needed.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
I raced around the streets of Tribeca, trying to remember where the phone booth had been. I looked up the falafel place in the West Village where Lyla and I had ended up after visiting with Miss Tilly, and started ambling around from there. But the streets looked different basked in the city lights of New York at night, the darkness threading through the alleyways and narrow streets making me disoriented. I searched for anything recognizable, but it all seemed to have shifted once the sun fell behind the skyline.
I retraced my steps and practically spun myself in circles until I was weary, mentally and physically exhausted from the wallop of the past twenty-four hours. I was just about ready to abort the mission and come back the next morning, but I knew I’d never sleep. The phone booth had taken me to the past, pointed me to the present, and now I desperately needed it to tell me what I should do with my future, how to choose between the two things I loved most.