“No, Ryan.”
“Everything with Marissa came flooding back and I got scared. I freaked out. And she was so hurt. She didn’t even cry, Vee. She just looked at me as if I completely betrayed her. I did. I think I did betray her. This is everything she wants, and I made her feel like I didn’t.”
My sister’s hands hide her face. “Ryan, Indy probably can’t get pregnant on her own.”
“I know that! God, I’m an idiot. I wasn’t thinking.”
She closes her eyes, pained. “She must be so upset.”
“I made her feel like I don’t want the same future she does. She probably thinks I’ve been stringing her along this entire time with no plans to give her the life she wants.”
“Are you?” Stevie asks softly. “Ryan, I love you. You mean more to me than anyone in the world, but if there’s even an ounce of you that doesn’t want the same things she does, then you have to let her go. She’s wasted too much time with someone who strung her along, and I can’t let you do that to her again.”
As much as Stevie is my other half, there are things not even she knows. Steps I’ve taken to give Indy the future she wants. The future I want too. I’ve always wanted a family but knowing I could do it at the same time as my sister, coupled with that quick but fleeting belief Indy was pregnant, I want it now more than ever.
“I would never let us get to this point if I wasn’t on the same page. I saw what she went through, and I’d never do that to her.”
Stevie nods.
“I need to go find her. Talk to her. Apologize. Do you think she went to your place?”
“I doubt it. You know how smart she is. I’m sure she put it together that it was my test right away. I think I know where she could be, but Ryan, I need to talk to her first.”
Wrapping my sister up again, I kiss the top of her curly head of hair. “I really am so happy for you, Vee. You’re going to be an incredible mom, and Zanders will be one hell of a dad.”
“So will you, Ryan. When the time comes.” She holds on tighter. “And in the meantime, you’re going to be the greatest uncle. I know it.”
40
INDY
Rio’s house reeks of boy.
There are piles of laundry and empty beer cans decorating his place, and the house was bursting with noise while he and three more guys from the hockey team played Xbox on the giant screen in his home theater.
I can’t complain, though. As soon as he opened the front door and saw my bloodshot eyes, he kicked his teammates out and got me a fresh set of sheets for the guest bedroom.
“Ind, you’ve got a visitor,” Rio says from the doorway.
Laying on the bed even though it’s mid-morning, I keep my back to the door. “I don’t want to talk to Ryan.”
“How about me?”
Peeking over my shoulder at the sound of Stevie’s voice, I find her leaning on the doorframe with Rio. Her bouncy curls are lively, but those eyes that match her twin only remind me of the fear I saw in his this morning.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forget the absolute terror on Ryan’s face, and I couldn’t be more thankful that it wasn’t my test. As much as I want a family, I’d rather be alone than have my partner feel trapped with me.
“You’ll do.”
A smile tugs at her lips as Rio leaves us alone.
Stevie climbs into the bed behind me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders.
“This is nice,” I sigh. “Your brother always calls little spoon.”
Stevie’s chest vibrates behind my back. “You didn’t send me a daily update today.”
“Daily update, Vee—your brother doesn’t want the same things I do, and I don’t know where we go from here.”
She runs a hand over my arm soothingly. “Did he say that?”
Tears fall down my face, hitting the pillowcase. “You should’ve seen him, Stevie. He was terrified.” Sucking in a deep breath, I try to find enough oxygen to speak. “I’ve avoided bringing up the topic our entire relationship, hoping that when the time came to have it, he would be more open. But this morning, he made it evident that he never will be.”
Stevie pauses, staying silent for a stretch of time.
“I love you, but I shouldn’t be having this conversation with you,” I continue. “Ryan needs you.”
“Indy, you’re still my best friend.”
“And so is he. Will you make sure he’s okay for me? Keep an eye on him? I can’t do it right now.”
She squeezes me tighter. “Of course, I will.”
Turning around on the bed, I face her. “Are you really pregnant?”
Stevie’s ocean eyes glass over. Unable to speak, she simply nods.
“Vee…” I wrap her up in a hug. “That’s incredible. I’m so happy for you. That baby’s genetics? Dear God, they’re going to be stunning.”
Both of us laugh and cry as we hold each other. Her because she’s probably hormonal and me because well, I’m me.
She sniffles. “I was so afraid to tell you.”
“Why?”
“Why do you think, Ind? And then Ryan goes and assumes. God, I feel terrible.”
“Don’t you dare.” Pulling back to look at her, I move her curls behind her ear. “I’m so happy for you and Zanders.”
“Yeah?”
“Of course, I am! I’m going to spoil the shit out of that babe. I hope they have a big enough closet because between me and their dad, they’re going to have the most excessive wardrobe imaginable.”
A smile breaks out along her lips, and though I would never say it because I refuse to make her feel bad, knowing my best friend—the love of my life’s twin sister is about to start a family, has me longing to do it right along with her.
“Promise me that even if I’m not with Ryan, I’ll still get to be Auntie Ind.”
“You’ll always be Auntie Ind.” She offers me a sad smile. “Just talk to him, okay? When you’re ready.”
Nodding, I wipe at my wet cheeks as she does the same. “Well, aren’t we pathetic,” I laugh.
“The most pathetic.” She pulls me into a hug again. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Talk about a fantasy come to life! The two of you all wrapped up around each other in my bed? Lord, have mercy!”
I throw a pillow at the door. “Rio, get out!”
He lets the pillow smack him in his goofy face. “Someone else is here to see you.”
Stevie wears an understanding smile. “You don’t have to if you’re not ready yet.”
I look back to Rio. “I’m not. And he can’t be here. He needs to get to practice.”
Rio takes a deep breath as if he were about to tell his celebrity idol to leave, which is exactly what he’s going to do. Gearing himself up, he leaves us alone once again.
“Do you need anything?” I ask. “Water. Food. How are you feeling?”
“I need to go tell Zee he’s going to be a dad.”
“What?” I sit up. “Stevie Renee Shay, are you kidding me? I know before him?!”