Because …
Because it means everything.
“You’re being Pulled,” I whisper.
Saedii’s eyes flash, and she pushes herself out of my arms with a snarl. I watch her turn back to her reflection, seething, busying herself with her braids with shaking hands. But I can see the truth behind the ice of her eyes, feel it inside her head, flooding through her despite her best attempts to keep it dammed in. The Syldrathi mating instinct. The almost-irresistible attraction they feel to people their souls are fated to be with.
Kal feels it for Aurora. He once told me that love was a drop in the ocean of what he felt for her. And looking into Saedii’s eyes now, thinking about all the times she could have killed me, should’ve killed me …
Maker, what an idiot I’ve been… .
“How long?” I ask.
She says nothing. I step up behind her, searching her reflection.
“Saedii, how long?”
She holds my stare, fury and sorrow and hateful, defiant adoration washing through her thoughts. In her mind’s eye, I see an image of me aboard the Andarael, in the depths of the Unbroken fighting pit with a dead drakkan behind me, staring up at her, bloodied but victorious.
“Yeah,” I murmur. “I mean, that would’ve gotten a nun’s motor running, so I can’t really blame you.”
She scoffs, trying not to smile, stalking away across the med bay. I can feel her seething anger. Self-loathing boiling under her skin. A part of her wants to snatch a shard of broken glass from the floor and stab me to death here and now. A part of her wants to crash into my arms and hold on to me so tight I break. She hates that she wants me. But she’s thrilled by it too.
“You didn’t know it would feel like this,” I realize.
She glowers at me, lips thin.
“Saedii, talk to me,” I demand.
“I have had … suitors,” she finally sighs. “Pleasurable distractions. But not like …” She hangs her head, sharp teeth gritted as her fingers curl into fists. Laughing softly as she shakes her head. “The Void truly has a dark sense of humor. To fashion me a fate such as this …”
“Am I so bad?” I ask softly.
“You are Terran,” she hisses.
“Half-Terran,” I say. “But so what?”
“So our people are at war. And my father would turn your spine to glass and shatter it into a million pieces if he suspected so much as your finger had graced my skin.” She chuckles, bitter, almost to herself. “Void knows what he would do to me if he knew that I … that we …”
Her voice drifts away, temper rising as she crouches to yank one of her boots out from underneath a medi-cot.
I walk across the room, run one hand over her bare back as she stands. I feel her shiver, even as she pushes back against me. The ache in her is so real I can feel it in my own head.
“Saedii, your father isn’t here,” I tell her. “And our people don’t have to be at war. You have the power to end this.”
“Don’t,” she growls.
“Come with me to Aurora Acad—”
“No!” she snaps, whirling on me. “Do not ask me again! Everything my father fought to build could crumble into dust now he is gone! Any one of a dozen Templars might try to seize power over the cabal! I am the Starslayer’s daughter! In his absence, it falls to me to hold the Unbroken together!”
“None of that will matter if the Ra’haam is allowed to hatch!”
“My duty is to my people!” she roars. “And our people are at war!”
We stand there in the gloom, and I can still feel her body pressed against me, the furious warmth of her emotions lighting up my mind. There’s so much to this girl I’m only beginning to see. She’s like sunlight encased in a shell of black iron. And even through the tiny cracks she’s shown me, I can tell how deep and hot she burns, how wonderful it would be to lose myself inside a heat like that. The Syldrathi blood in me calls to her, the bridge between our minds echoing with its song.
She’s beautiful. Fierce. Brilliant. Ruthless.
This girl is like no one I’ve ever known.
“So let me go,” I hear myself say.
“What?” she whispers.
“If you won’t come with me, let me go.” I swallow hard, seeing a tiny flare of rage and pain light up her eyes. “Give me a shuttle and some credits. Drop me off at a starport. I’ll make my own way to Aurora Academy. I’ll stop the Ra’haam alone.”