A sharp burning hit my eyes. I squeezed them shut.
“Luther will stand by your side, and he will love you for every single day of it. And he won’t say a word. He’ll spend his entire miserable life protecting your happiness, hoping that someday you finally see him. Not Luther the Prince or the High General or the advisor, but him.”
I tried to speak, but my throat had gone tight, fusing closed to keep my turmoil hidden as I desperately willed my heart to follow suit.
“And Kindred help me, Queenie, but if you do that to him… I adore you, I thank Blessed Lumnos you came into our lives. I’ll defend you as my Queen, no matter who you marry. But if you put Luther through that…”
“I don’t want to hurt him,” I forced out. “I’m angry with him, but I don’t want to break his heart.”
“Then don’t.”
When I opened my eyes, Taran was scrubbing at his face and staring off into the distance. “He’s done more for me than I could ever repay,” he mumbled to himself, as if fighting some internal debate. “This… this is the least I could do. I have no right to ask this, but… Fortos’s balls, he’ll kill me if he finds out…” He blew out a deep breath. “Fuck it. He would never ask this of you, so I will. I owe him that much.”
Taran swiveled to me. He leaned in close and clasped my face in his hands, forcing our eyes to meet. “Leave him. Leave that stupid mortal who does not deserve you, and be with Luther.”
“Taran…”
“There is something between you two I’ve never seen in any couple before. When you look at each other, it’s like the rest of the world ceases to exist.”
“Taran—”
“At this point, I’m convinced even the Kindred want you together. And it’s clear you want him, too. So stop being a damn coward, Diem, and choose Luther.”
I jolted backward, snatching my chin from his hands. A thousand conflicting reactions were waging a bloody war inside me, and I wasn’t entirely sure which one was going to come out victorious.
“You’re right,” I said finally.
Hope rose sun-bright on his face. “I am?”
“Yes.” I swallowed. “You don’t have any right to ask that of me.” And just like that, his hope was dead. “Who I decide to be with is my choice. Not yours, and sure as hell not the Kindred.”
“I know it’s your choice, I only—”
“And I am so gods-damned sick and tired of hearing the opinions of every person in the realm on who I should and shouldn’t marry.”
“Diem, that’s not what I—”
I stood up, my voice growing louder with each word. “You don’t know what I want. You don’t know me at all, Taran. So stay out of it.”
Taran shot to his feet and glowered at me from his towering height. “You know what? You’re right, too. I thought maybe I did know you, or at least knew the kind of person you are. Clearly, I was wrong.”
“Well, it’s your lucky week,” I said bitterly. “In three days, you’ll be free of me forever. You and Luther both.”
His face fell, his anger crumbling to dust. “Queenie,” he murmured. He reached for me, but I slipped out of his grip and walked away.
Chapter
Thirty-Six
The final House Reception had arrived.
Today, I would meet the last of the Twenty Houses—House Ghislaine, a small family with few members but, due to its shrewd dealings in gold, a staggering amount of wealth. I had expected the end of the meetings to bring a sense of relief, or at least some gloomy finality to my situation, but instead, I was more anxious than ever.
“Last one,” Eleanor sang, beaming at me as we walked to the meeting room. “And what a perfect House to end on. House Ghislaine never feuds with anyone.”
“Which means I’ll likely end this one with an actual blade in my chest,” I grumbled.
She grinned and patted my hand. “I think you truly are safe today. House Ghislaine is too vulnerable as the bottom House to stir up any trouble.”
In truth, with the Challenging two days away, it made little difference whether this meeting went exceptionally well or exceptionally awful. The Twenty Houses had laid out their demands, and I’d laid out my offers. Neither side had budged. Now I could only wait for my fate to unfold.
“Are we sure it’s safe to leave Lily and Teller unguarded while we’re all here together?” I asked.
Behind me, Taran let out a wordless grunt. I threw him a questioning glance, but he refused to meet my eyes. We hadn’t spoken since our argument the night before, which had made his assignment to shadow me particularly awkward.
“They’ll be safe in your chambers,” she assured me. “And they’re hardly unguarded. Perthe is with them, and half the Royal Guard is lined up outside your suite.”
“And they all answer to Remis,” I muttered.
“Only for a few more days,” she said happily.
I didn’t answer.
Taran finally spoke up, his tone curt. “Remis won’t hurt them. He has nothing to gain from it, and he knows Luther would kill him if he tried.”
Eleanor nodded. “They’ll be fine. Luther’s just being overprotective because it’s Lily.”
“He’s being overprotective because it’s Diem.”
I looked back at Taran again, and he shot me a loaded stare.
As we walked into the meeting room for the final time, Remis, Garath, and Aemonn were huddled together in a corner and talking in hushed but animated whispers. Alixe was already seated. Something about her was off. Though she normally shared Luther’s unflappable demeanor, today her features were strained with alarm.
She shot to her feet at the sight of me. As I started toward her, Aemonn smoothly stepped into my path.
“Your Majesty,” he crooned, leaning in to press a kiss to my cheek. “Congratulations on your final House Reception. It’s certainly been an interesting process.” He winked, his azure eyes glittering with subtext.
I looked across his shoulder to where Taran and Alixe were now whispering. Aemonn shifted to block my view.
“It’s been too long since we’ve had a chance to talk,” he said. “I have so missed our conversations.”
“I’ve been busy.” A lie—I’d been anything but busy, spending most of my days sulking alone in my rooms, but I’d lost my patience for the flirtation that time with Aemonn always involved.
He tilted his head at the snip in my tone. “I was hoping I could steal you away for a quick—”
“Diem,” Eleanor hissed. She had joined Taran and Alixe and was frantically waving me over.
“Um, please excuse me. I need to…” My voice trailed off as I tried to push past him.
His hand clamped around my upper arm and jerked me back into place.
I stared at him in shock. My muscles twitched with the urge to react, and I had to bite down to keep my training at bay and not send him face-first into the stone floor.
“I wasn’t quite finished,” he said with sickly sweetness.
“Get your hand off me.”
“After everything I’ve done for you, I think I’m entitled to a few minutes of your time.”