“You helped kidnap my kids, unknowingly or so you say, but you were party to it, just the same,” he says slowly.
“Aye,” I say. “And I felt bad about it, so I risked my neck to get them back.”
“Earning the trust of Virginia and Vic, apparently. Enough that you were witness to the birth of…you were there for…my—” He cannot say the words, but I know now what he’s asking about.
The ship rocks. My knuckles are white from clutching the handholds near the viewport and my heart starts to turn black the longer I hold on to the thrill of my anger at him. I relent, and it feels good.
“You want it straight? I helped her deliver Ulysses,” I say. “I…heard her first words to him. Volga was there too, guarding the door while it happened. Later, I pulled him from the tree where they killed him. I tried burying him in the ground. I didn’t know what else to do. I think Victra wanted me there when he was buried proper, because she knew I would rather have been the one in the ground. I’d have traded spots with him.”
“Why?”
I go quiet before finding the words. “He was a baby. He didn’t do anything. I’ve done stuff. I’m not all nice.” I think of my sister’s children. “It wasn’t right is all.”
“And this Volga character?”
I wipe tears from my eyes. “Shit. Volga woulda eaten her own gun if it put that baby back in Victra’s arms. I swear it. That’s what I don’t get. She’s a sweetheart. I know she’s done stuff. I mean, she was pulling heists with Ephraim before I ran into them, who knows the kinda stuff she did. But I thought she was good. Maybe I needed her to be? When she gave herself up to Fá—even after he killed Ephraim, and he was like a father to her—I told myself she was sacrificing herself so he’d leave Mars alone. So people wouldn’t get hurt. To hear that she’s marching with Fá, I can’t believe it.”
“But you do.”
“Whaddya mean?”
“You didn’t call Sigurd a liar.” I stare at him. “You know why? Because you know that people can and will disappoint you. Even this friend of yours is going to let you down.”
“Is that why you won’t take up your da’s helmet?” I ask.
“The hell do you know about that?” he mutters. I shrug. “Cassius, that chatty little shit.”
“Ain’t a rat, can’t reveal my source,” I say. “But you ask me, I think it’s because you think you’re gonna let everyone down.”
“Naw,” he says and looks away. “Ain’t it.”
“Then what?”
He doesn’t answer for a long time. “It’s just, everyone wants me to wear my da’s helmet. Since I can remember. Like I’m fated. Can’t escape it.”
“You wore it before, though,” I say. “For a little while. Everyone knows that.”
“And it ate me up,” he mutters.
“Why?”
He chews his cheek some more. Lightning bathes his face green. “Da didn’t want to be Ares. He told me that. One of the last times I saw him before he died. He hated it. I know what he meant. The Golds made it. He and Mum made me. It was his prison. See?”
I wonder about that as the sea bucks outside. “My da was a rat,” I say toward the viewport. “He informed on people in our mine. I used to think he was perfect because he was my da. Then I hated him. Then I realized he did it for us. Now when I think of him, I think he was just a person doing his best in the world he was in. I can’t judge him for that. I can’t say I’m better or worse. But it makes me sad. He accepted his prison. He never even tried the bars. That helm…for Da, maybe he hated it. But maybe it wasn’t his prison. Maybe it was his key to get out.”
I turn and look at him. His eyes peer out the window and I wonder if he was even listening, especially when he turns and walks away. “Is this the last time we talk?” I call after him.
“Only if you become useless again.”
58
LYRIA
Europa
THE FLIGHT ENDS NOT long after the storm abates. When we land, it’s on an island dedicated to fishing and solar farming. The civilians exit first with some of the Black Owls. Apparently, they’re taking their own submarine down to a different city in the Deep. We’re headed for fabled Helisson, Athena’s secret stronghold. Cassius finds me in the cargo bay mopping up vomit left by the motion-sick Greens. “Lyria. I’m furious with you. All the latrines are filthy. You’ve been derelict in your duty.”
“What? You said I didn’t have to keep cleaning the latrines soon as I could handle the stick.”
“And my word is my bond,” he says.
“I flew the Archimedes on Io. I—”
“My goodlady, I mean this with all my heart. That was not flying. That was just ‘not crashing.’ That you avoided a finale in the hard deck doesn’t mean my latrines should be devoid of your affection.” He pinches my cheek. “Your face. It’s a jape.” I stab at him with the vomit mop. He takes it away faster than I can blink and stores it on the wall.
“You’re a condescending pricklick,” I say.
“Only to my favorites.” I blush when he winks at me.
“You’re staying up here then?” I ask.
“The Moses Columns are offline. Can’t get the Archi down easily. Anyway, it’s best not to stash your getaway vehicle under the sea, and I’m not leaving my home unattended with all the salt, thieves, and barbarians about. Don’t look so worried. If the Obsidian come, I have a stealth ship.”
“When they come.”
“Right.” He eyes a few Black Owls unloading a crate. “Not sure I’d be welcome down there anyway. You kill one terrorist warlord…” He sighs, then frowns. “I have to ask. Are you still intent on going after Volga?”
“I think so.”
“Even after seeing the Obsidian on Io, you’re not afraid?”
“No,” I lie up at him.
“Then you’re mad, girl. Did you see those people? Did you see that hammer they hit me with? Me. That thing was meant to drive nails bigger than you. Huge hammer.” He has a point. He’s taller even than Darrow and has more muscle than all my brothers ever did put together.
“Everyone saw the hammer, Cassius. You made us watch your feed.”
“Good. Then you know. This whole time, Sevro’s been giving me shit for missing the war. I don’t love my people very much. But I do feel sorry that they had to face those Obsidians. They’re not like they used to be when I was your age.” He scratches his neck. “War isn’t like it used to be. Used to have a modicum of civility. Point is, the idea of you having anything to do with those monstrosities makes me nauseous with anxiety. Swear to me, we will talk before you do anything stupid or agree to anything stupid. Darrow is good at getting people to agree to do stupid things.”
“Like going to the Dockyards of Venus?”
“I have never claimed to be a role model.”
His concern makes me feel weird. Sad to leave him, I look back at the halls leading into the Archi. It feels a little like home. “Very well, I will seek your counsel prior to any bad decisions.” I spit in my hand and stick it out. He hates that. But he spits in his and we spitshake.