Adrian jerked involuntarily, a flinch that shuddered through his whole body.
“She wasn’t even a year old yet. And when he found me in the closet, I looked in his eyes and I could tell, I could just tell that he didn’t feel an ounce of remorse. He’d just murdered a baby, and he didn’t feel anything.”
This time, Adrian did reach for her hand, slipping his fingers between hers.
“He aimed the gun at me, and…”
Nova hesitated, realizing at the last moment that she couldn’t tell Adrian this part of the story. The shock of being on the verge of speaking an unspeakable secret startled her from the memory.
“And my uncle showed up,” she said, swiping at her nose with her sleeve. “He killed the man. He saved me.”
Adrian’s shoulders fell. He cursed quietly beneath his breath.
Nova lowered her head. The pain that came with the memories was coupled with guilt. She had relived that night countless times in her thoughts, all the while knowing—she could have stopped it. If she had been brave. If she hadn’t run. If she hadn’t hid.
She could have put the man to sleep. Saved Evie, at least, if not her parents.
But she’d been a coward, and …
And she’d been so sure. So sure that the Renegades would come. It was her faith in them that had destroyed her family, almost as much as the hitman himself.
“After that, every time I closed my eyes, I would hear those gunshots in my head. I couldn’t sleep. After a while, I stopped trying.”
Even recently, when she had briefly fallen asleep inside Max’s quarantine, the nightmare had plagued her. The hitman looming over her. The cold press of the gun to her forehead. The gunshots echoing through her skull.
BANG-BANG-BANG!
She shuddered.
Adrian rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. “Nova,” he whispered, shaking his head. “I’m so sorry. I knew they were killed during the Age of Anarchy, but I never thought—”
“That I witnessed it? I know. It wasn’t something I thought belonged in my Renegades application.”
He nodded in understanding, his expression heavy with sorrow.
And though telling the story brought her sadness, it also brought anger. The resentment that had crowded out her own sorrow for the last ten years.
Where were the Renegades? She wanted to shout. Where was the Council? Where were your dads?
She clenched her teeth and peered down at their entwined hands. His was warm and solid, while her hand had gone limp.
“My mom was murdered too,” he whispered.
She swallowed. “I know.” Everyone knew. Lady Indomitable had been as much a legend as any superhero.
“I didn’t see it happen, of course. No child should have to go through that. But I did”—his brow scrunched in pain as he spoke—“for a long time, I wondered if maybe it was my fault. At least, in part.”
She jerked, startled at how his words mirrored her own guilt. “How could it have been your fault?”
“I don’t know. It doesn’t make sense, but…” He grimaced. “Remember how I said I used to have really vivid nightmares? The ones with the monster? Well, part of that recurring dream I had was where my mom would leave our apartment, flying out through the window to go save the day somewhere in the city, and I would be watching her go, when … this shadow would come over her and she wouldn’t be able to fly anymore. I would watch her fall. I would hear her scream. And I would look up and the monster would be on the rooftop, just … staring at me.”
Nova shivered.
“I had that dream more times than I could count. It got to where I would throw tantrums every time my mom put on her costume. I didn’t want her to go. I was so terrified that she wouldn’t come back. And then, one night, she didn’t.” He met Nova’s gaze. “When they found her body, it was clear the fall had killed her, and there was a look of … of terror on her face. For a long time I thought that my dreams had made it come true. Like maybe they were prophetic or something.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” said Nova, squeezing his hand. “They were dreams, Adrian. It was just a coincidence.”
“I know,” he said, though Nova wasn’t sure if she believed him, or if he believed himself. “But she could fly. How could she have fallen so far without being able to…” He lowered his head. “No villain ever took credit for her death, as far as I know. Which is unlike them—a lot of the villain gangs liked to brag about their victories. And killing Lady Indomitable … that would have been a victory worth bragging about.” His voice turned sour, and it was clear that this mystery had haunted and frustrated him nearly as long as Nova’s past had tormented her.
“You want to find out who did it,” she said slowly, “so you can have revenge.”
“Not revenge,” said Adrian. “Justice.”
She shivered. He said it with conviction, though she wasn’t sure he would recognize the difference in his own heart.
And what of her own heart, she wondered.
Did she want revenge against the Council, or justice?
Her whole body felt heavy thinking about it.
This wasn’t for her. This moment of peace. This sense of safety. This world with no heroes and no villains, where she and Adrian Everhart could sit holding hands inside a childhood dream.
This world didn’t exist.
Rubbing his forehead, Adrian let out a sigh. “I’m sorry. This,” he said, gesturing around, “is supposed to be a dream, not a nightmare.”
A faint smile twitched at the sides of her mouth. “It is a dream, Adrian. The first I’ve had in a long time.”
His eyes shone at her words. Then he fished his marker from his jeans pocket and glanced around. “I have an idea,” he said, turning to a crumbling stone wall. He began to sketch. It amazed Nova that he could create something real and tangible out of nothing. He could go on like this forever, creating a dream within a dream within a dream.
He drew a set of large headphones and pulled them from the stone. He held them out to Nova. “Noise-canceling headphones,” he explained. “Not even gunshots can get through.” He nudged her shoulder with the headband.
Nose wrinkling with doubt, Nova took the headphones and slipped the padded cuffs over her ears. Instantly the world, which had already been quiet, dimmed to impenetrable silence, fed only by the thundering of her own pulse, the drum of her own heartbeat.
Adrian’s lips moved. A question, she thought, but Nova shook her head at him.
Adrian grinned. He lay down, extending his arm over the patch of moss. An invitation.
Nova hesitated for far less time than she should have, then sank down and settled her head into the crook between his shoulder and his chest. It took a moment for her to get comfortable with the headphones on, but when she did, she realized that there were two heartbeats now drumming against each other. Though the aromas from the jungle had filled the room, this close to Adrian she could smell the chemical tang of paint mixed with an undercurrent of pine-scented soap.
Her attention landed on the star. It never dimmed. Never brightened. Never changed at all. Just hovered, peaceful and constant.
And this boy, this amazing boy, had made all of this.