“What do you think?”
Mistress Eira’s voice surprises me from my thoughts. I hurriedly stand and give her a bow, which she waves me out of, smiling.
“A-about the raids?” I ask, before realizing she doesn’t know what I overheard Aoki and Chenna discussing.
“About my garden,” she corrects with a frown. “Do you like it?”
I nod. “It’s lovely.”
She sits down on the bench, motioning for me to join her. “I’m so glad you like it. Sometimes in summer I sleep out here in the pagoda. It reminds me of my childhood. We used to do that, too, when the weather was good.”
“You said your family were sari-makers from Kitori?”
Mistress Eira nods. “We were well known in the region. There was always lots of work. My cousins and I would tell jokes, exchange gossip as we washed in the river after work to get the dyes out of our skin.” She raises her palms and adds, muted, “Sometimes I dream about being unable to get the colors out. When I wake up and find my hands bare, it almost makes me want to cry.” She lets out a little laugh and shakes her head. “I’m being nostalgic.”
“Do you miss it?” I ask gently. “Your home?”
There’s a beat of hesitation before she replies. “This is my home now, Lei-zhi.” She lays a hand on my shoulder. “You should try to start thinking of it that way, too.”
I look away. “My home is Xienzo. My parents’ house. It always will be.”
Even after Mama was taken, Baba, Tien, and I kept it going. We made a new family. We kept our home alive. How can I just let go of that?
I remember the promise I made to myself on the way to the palace.
I won’t let go of it. Whatever it takes, I’m going to get back.
“Mistress,” I say quickly, an idea coming to me. “Do you think I could write to them? My father and Tien? Just let them know I’m well. Nothing more, I promise.”
At first it seems like she’s going to say no. But with a half smile, she replies, “Of course, Lei. What a nice idea. I’ll make sure you’re given paper and ink.”
I grin, forcing myself to remain dignified and not throw my arms around her in a giant bear hug. I picture my father and Tien reading my letters together. Even from the other side of the kingdom they’ll be able to touch something I’ve touched, feel my presence in each indent on the paper. They’ll know I’m safe. And, always, that I am thinking of them.
“Make sure to bring your letters to me when they’re done,” Mistress Eira instructs. “I’ll give them to my most trusted messenger to deliver.”
“Of course. Thank you, Mistress. You don’t know how much this means to me.”
She returns my smile. But just before she turns away something flutters across her eyes: the barest shadow of sadness. Perhaps it’s all this talk about the past, about life before the palace. I recall what Mistress Eira said about waking up from dreams of her childhood, her once dye-stained hands delicate and bare, and comprehend that although she might have avoided answering my question about whether she misses her home, I am sure of what the answer would be anyway.
I know what it means to dream about the past.
To dream about things you have loved, and lost.
NINE
PAPER HOUSE IS ALREADY BUSY WHEN I wake the next day, the sunlit air bright with the sound of maids hurrying in the hallways, orders being called from room to room. Excitement carries through the air, an electric hum. It takes me back to festivals in our village, when every street would be draped with crimson banners during the fifteen days of the New Year, or lit with sparklers and firecrackers for spirit-warding ceremonies in the winter. Tonight, cities across the kingdom will be celebrating in our honor as we participate in the Unveiling Ceremony, where the Paper Girls are officially presented to the court.
I can still hardly believe that this year that includes me.
Lill is so excited about the ceremony she barely pauses for breath from the minute she comes to take me for my morning bath. “I haven’t been able to visit my parents and tell them about becoming your maid yet,” she chatters as I soak, her fluted deer ears quivering. “They’re not going to believe it! Mistress, you might even see them during the procession! I wish I could be with you. The look on their faces if they knew…”
I float my hands out, scooping the bubbles on the surface of the water. “When was the last time you saw them?”
“Oh. It’s been quite long. Almost half a year.”
I splash round. “Half a year? But they live here, right? In the palace?”
Lill nods. “I lived with them in Mortal Court before I moved here. And they work in City Court, which is just south of here. I just don’t get many days off. Not that I’m complaining,” she says hurriedly. “The ones I do, I spend with them. I have a little brother and sister, too. I try to bring them treats from the kitchens whenever I visit—” She cuts off, blanching.
“Don’t worry. If anyone notices, tell them it was me. The portions here are way too small.” Lill’s smile comes back, grateful, even though this sweet girl shouldn’t have to worry about stealing a few bits of food to bring to her siblings. “I hope you can see them soon,” I add.
She bows her head. “Thank you, Mistress.”
I place my wet hand over hers where she’s holding the edge of the tub. “You know, I had a Steel caste friend back in Xienzo, too. She worked in my family’s herb shop.”
“Really?” Lill’s eyes widen. “We were told castes don’t ever work for ones below them outside the palace.” She blushes and goes on quickly, her head lowered, “Oh, I didn’t mean that it’s wrong for me to be working for you. It’s a huge privilege, Mistress. It’s just, Mistress Eira told us it’s an exception that the Paper Girls have demons as servants. She said the King himself requested it. Only Steels, though.” She glances up at me from under thick lashes. “I—I’m sorry I’m not Moon.”
I almost laugh, the notion that I would prefer a Moon caste for a maid—or just anyone other than her.
“You’re perfect, Lill,” I tell her, and the beam of her grin is so luminous it seems to wash the whole courtyard with gold.
Following tradition, each of us is dressed in silver for tonight’s ceremony. Silver is a powerful color: a symbol of strength, success, wealth. Yet because of its closeness to white, the mourning color shared by all Ikharan cultures, it is sometimes thought to bring bad luck. When Lill tells me about this tradition, I understand the message it is sending to the kingdom.
Support the King, and you will be rewarded.
Cross him, and you will suffer.
As it’s Lill’s first time being a Paper Girl’s maid, her preparations are overseen by one of the other maids—Chiho, a serious-looking Steel caste lizard-girl, human in appearance apart from the coating of sleek pine-green scales along her bony arms and neck. Chiho dashes between rooms, trying to teach Lill while getting her own girl ready, until Lill suggests we get ready together. I can’t remember which girl Chiho is a maid to, so when she appears in the doorway with Wren behind her, I stiffen.