I gather her into my arms. “I love you, Aoki,” I whisper into her ear.
She jerks back, scanning my face. “Lei? What’s going on?”
“I just want to wish the King a happy new year.”
“But—”
I kiss her forehead. While she’s still blinking in surprise, I hurry away before she spots the tears welling in my eyes.
How painful it is to say good-bye to someone who has no idea you are leaving.
The King is still on the balcony, servants fussing around him. I slow as I approach, trying to arrange my features into a calmer expression than what I’m feeling, but a jolt shoots down my spine as he sees me coming. His stare hardens. He waves the servants away. Behind him, Naja’s lip curls. General Ndeze is nearby but too busy entertaining a giggling group of courtesans to take any notice. A flash of long, glossy hair, a revealing ruqun—Zelle is a member of his doting audience. As she swings her head round midlaugh, she catches my gaze and gives an almost imperceptible nod.
“Lei-zhi,” the King greets me. Sparkling lights catch on his gilded horns.
I bow. “My King.” I force my voice steady, though it sounds strange to me, too hard and low. “I hope you enjoyed the performance, even if you have seen us undressed before you so many times already.”
Something stills in him. His smile sharpens. “Perhaps even more so,” he answers coolly. “It’s especially pleasurable to know that none of those watching have had the same privilege. Because, of course,” he adds, leaning in, “your lover isn’t here tonight, is she?”
Though my pulse skips, I furrow my brow, feigning confusion. “Forgive me, my King, but I don’t know what you mean. My only lover is right here.” And even though it sickens me to do it, I inch closer. My fingers quiver as I rest them against his chest.
Behind him, Naja starts forward. But she stops at the King’s raised hand.
“I haven’t been honest with you the nights we’ve been together, my King,” I go on quickly, keeping my eyes on his. “I’ve—I’ve been scared. I admit that I didn’t want this life at first. But after our first proper night together, my emotions have changed. My… desires.” One hand still on his chest, I bring the other to my neck and trail it down the front of my slip, lingering at my navel.
The King regards me in silence.
“Please,” I say. “May we go somewhere private? These feelings are overpowering me. I need to explore them with you, my King. Alone.”
His expression remains unmoved for a few long, torturous seconds. Finally a lazy grin stretches across his face. “I knew you’d come around, Lei-zhi.” Straightening, he circles his fingers round my arm, a fraction too tight. “We’ll go to the gardens. They will be private enough.”
He turns us toward the staircase winding down from the balcony. A few of his servants and guards hurry forward, but he waves them away.
Naja strides over, ears pricked. “My King—”
“Leave us,” he orders.
As we start down the steps, I look around and find the white fox watching us with her cool silver eyes. Even when we’re out of sight, I shiver, sensing her gaze still on me, like the hidden eyes of the moon.
The King leads me deep into the enchanted gardens. They’re wilder, more wooded than the typical Han style, knotted banyan and katsura trees forming a leafy ceiling overhead. Light from the receding hall speckles the ground. A stone path cuts through the undergrowth, the shadows all around spotted with color: the pink leaves of hibiscus flowers, cobalt-blue orchids, yellow frangipani. We follow the path to a pond crowded with water lilies. Sweet fragrance honeys the air. Each lily sparkles, a tiny star nestled at the center of its petals, and I sense the warm brush of magic like a kiss in the air.
The King looks at me. “What do you think?”
“It’s beautiful,” I say.
He hasn’t let go of me all this time. As we draw up to the water’s edge, he pulls me close, one hand cupping my chin. “It is, isn’t it?” he murmurs. He smiles, and it seems like he’s about to kiss me.
Then his lips twist into a sneer.
“A beautiful lie.”
Panic snaps through me.
I try to shift back, but his grip tethers me to the spot. “What—what do you mean?”
The words have barely left my mouth when his hands clamp around my neck. With a roar, he lifts me into the air, holding me out over the water. A group of nearby birds scatter into the night sky—and with them, my composure. With horrible choking sounds, I claw at his hand, gasp for air.
“That is what you are, Lei-zhi,” he snarls. “What did you think? That you could fool me? I am the King!”
I dig my fingernails into his hide-wrapped wrist, but it’s thicker than human skin and I can’t get purchase. Distantly, I register music drifting from the party. The scattering of notes and lilting strings is half lost under the pounding in my ears, the King’s heavy breathing.
The corded muscles in his neck tense as he squeezes my neck tighter. “What is it with you women, always spreading your legs for lesser lovers? Does it make you feel wanted? Loved? Never mind. The reason does not interest me. Only the punishment.”
“You… bastard,” I choke out.
He roars, slamming my head into the trunk of a nearby tree. The pain is instant, a crack so fierce it splits my vision.
When the King’s face appears again, spit clings to his lips, a vein throbbing in his forehead. “I brought your father and that old lynx-woman here to watch you die. You know that, yes? But a public execution would have to be at the hands of someone else.” A grin, all teeth. “This is better. Here, I can take my time. I can break every bone in your body, until the pain is so consuming you won’t even know your own name.”
He swings me round, smashing me into the tree a second time. The force makes me bite down on my tongue. Blood fills my mouth. Tears stream down my cheeks. But the pain helps sharpen my focus. Reminds me why I’m here.
Takes my hate and turns it into a blade.
I spit a wad of bloody saliva into his face. “You can kill me,” I hiss, forcing each word past his tightening grip, “but it won’t stop them. They are coming for you.”
It’s fleeting, but I see it spark across his eyes then—fear. And I comprehend now that it’s not a new emotion to him. It’s just been in hiding. All it needed was something to call it forth, to trip his mind into panic.
He stills. “You know.” A pause, then his voice rises. “Who? Tell me! Tell me who dares plot against me!”
Blood trickles down my forehead. I blink it away. “Go ahead. Kill me. I’ll never tell you.”
With a deafening bellow, he rears down and plunges me headfirst into the pond.
Choking—
Spluttering—
So cold it’s burning—
Water plugs my mouth and throat, clamps around me like a fist. I kick out, but the King holds me down. Lights burst in front of my eyes. There’s rushing in my ears and my stomach is churning and my heart is pounding, pounding, pounding—
He pulls me from the pool, and I hang from his arm, retching and coughing, teeth chattering in the iced winter air.