I yank on the shirt I’m holding and let my groggy eyes catch up with me. I had a hard time falling asleep. I called Avery about ten times before her phone either died or she shut it off. It took all my self-control not to go banging her door down. I’m still not sure if I made the right decision. Doesn’t a woman want a man willing to move mountains for her? Or is that controlling? Fuck. My favorite thing about Avery is that we can talk, and now, after one stupid party, I’m second-guessing everything I say.
“Lennox, why are you here when you’re sick? Oh, shit. Did I forget about an appointment?” It’s Sunday… I never book clients on Sundays.
“No,” she says, grabbing the cream from the fridge. “No clients today.”
“Then why are you here spreading germs in my kitchen, instead of resting in bed? I could’ve dropped off food today.”
“I’m fever-free, Finny. I’m just still tired. But I needed to get out of the house today. How was the party? Is Avery still sleeping?” She nods down the hall toward the bedroom.
“She’s not here,” I mutter. I stare at the coffee pot dripping, letting the look of pain on Avery’s face last night flash through my mind.
“Did something happen?” Lennox asks, leaning back against the counter and studying my face.
“Last night was a dumpster fire floating down shit’s creek. That’s the only way I can describe it.”
“You and Avery fought?” she asks, raising her eyebrows, clearly accusing me. I shake my head.
“Not really.”
“Jesus, Finn. Save the dramatic build-up, please. What happened?”
I breathe out and shrug. “Let’s see… I went down on Avery in the limo, then Morgan bought her a drink and tried to tell her I’m cheating on her with Nora, so I clocked him, and I would’ve done much worse, but Avery ran off scared right into the champagne room with Cass. I caught them making out and everything was fine until I joined in, but the minute I touched Cass, Avery must’ve come to her senses and ran out of the room crying, ditched me at the club, and now she won’t take my calls. So…yeah. Dumpster fire.”
Lennox is gawking at me.
Yup. Just let all that soak in.
“I miss one party,” she mumbles. “And I really didn’t need to know about the limo part.”
“I realize. I just wanted to mention it because it was the only enjoyable part of the evening,” I snark.
The coffee maker beeps and I proceed to fill a cup. I don’t bother with cream and sugar. I let the hot brew burn my tongue.
“So Avery is sexually curious—”
“No, I think Avery is confused because of her ex. And it’s my fault.”
“I’m going to get some coffee, and then I need you to be a little less cryptic.” Lennox silently fills a cup, douses it with my oat milk creamer, and takes an exaggerated sip. “Ah, much better. Now, explain.”
“Remember the thing you used to tell me about Nora? The tire patch thing?”
Lennox tolerated Nora for years, for me. But she always warned me that we wouldn’t work out because I was patching a tire instead of replacing it.
Nora had so much damage from her prior relationship, that she probably needed therapy. She needed to move to a new city and get away from Morgan entirely. A real fresh start. Instead, for a long time, I just did my best to patch all the tiny holes in her heart, thinking if I worked hard enough, I could save her. But at the end of the day, I was patching the tire Morgan punctured over and over again. We should’ve started fresh, but she just couldn’t do that with me. It was too messy. Too many lines were blurred. We never stood a chance.
“What if I’m doing the same thing with Avery?” I ask.
She cocks her head to the side. “I didn’t get the impression that Avery’s in love with her ex.”
I shake my head. “Me neither, but she’s loyal to him. She’s not willing to walk away from the business. Maybe I shouldn’t push her to pick me. That’s exactly what I did with Nora.”
“How can you compare them? Avery’s nothing like Nora.”
I shrug. “She’s just as insecure, but unlike Nora, she doesn’t punish other people for it. Avery’s graceful, sweet, strong, and considerate. And don’t get me wrong, I think being vulnerable is a good thing, but I think she needs time to work on herself. Whether or not she admits it, she’s still hurting over her jackass ex. Neglect is just another form of abuse and he strung her along for years. That would fuck with any woman’s head.”
Lennox takes another sip of her coffee, carefully considering her words. “I don’t understand, Finn. Everybody has a past. Why are you blaming yourself for this?”
I set down my cup and rub my hands over my face. “Because I’ve spent all summer trying to show her how to have a hot sex life like it’s the only answer to a happy relationship.” I tap my temple. “I planted that right here in her head. It wasn’t what I meant to do, but I didn’t know I was going to have such strong feelings for her.”
She turns down her lips and nods slowly. “You’re right. You’re a pig.” She shrugs. “Summer’s almost over. She’ll move back home. Let her go. You can go back to fucking like a man whore.”
“Excuse me?”
“I mean, it was pretty inconsiderate of you to just give her exactly what she asked for. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
I purse my lips at her. “Really? You’re going to try and reverse psychology me?”
She pokes out her tongue. “Not at all. I’m just saying Avery deserves a guy who is willing to fight for her and make it work no matter what. Ups and downs. Grow together. Change together. Communicate. If you were the real deal, you wouldn’t be here moping and giving her space. You’d be on both of your knees at her doorstep, begging her to be with you. Obviously, that’s not you.”
I deadpan, “You’re annoying in the mornings.”
Lennox flashes me a toothy grin.
“And I told you, Avery doesn’t want to move here. How can we be together? I can’t just pick up the studio and move it. I have more ties to Vegas than she has to L.A.”
“So what, Finn? She’s not ready to move her entire life after knowing you for what? Nine weeks? Deal with it. If you think she’s something special, make it work. Do long distance and take the time to prove yourself. You’re not your dad. She’s not your mom. Stop boxing everybody into good guys and bad guys. That’s not how life works. People are messy. People make mistakes. Some people are worth just going through shitty dumpster fires with because there’s something great on the other side.”
Lennox disappears down the hallway into my bedroom and returns with my phone in her hand. She hands it to me. “Look, you have a missed call from Avery.”
I look at my phone and see she called ten minutes ago. Long after I gave up on trying to contact her last night. Maybe Cass was right. She just needed some time to think. I suck in a deep breath. “What do I say?” I ask Lennox. As much as I think I understand women, it’s hard to think straight when I feel like this. Caught up, nervous, scared to lose her, but scared to let her get too close and repeat history.