There was an odd strangled quality to his voice, as if it strained him to sound so careless.
I hesitated. “Nothing.”
Viktor snorted. “Are you…are you not in jest?”
I shook my head even though he couldn’t see it. When he came to another junction, he stopped, looking back. I’d never seen such a serious expression on his face before.
“You’re not truly going through with it, are you?”
“Because of…Gerard?” I wasn’t sure how to phrase everything we’d learned in the last day.
“Among other things.”
I’d been pondering this since the plan had been laid out in the Garden of Giants. If Gerard’s crimes were exposed, if he was arrested and taken away, there was no longer any danger to me, to Alex, to the two of us. My situation had not changed, nor had my feelings. I wasn’t going to turn tail and run.
“Alex had nothing to do with any of that.”
“Didn’t he?”
“Of course not. You saw him today. He was wholly shocked. You can’t fake such surprise so convincingly.”
Viktor shook his head with swift disagreement. “That’s exactly how someone who had something to cover up would respond. Too over the top and theatrical.”
“It was genuine. Earnest. Everything that Alex is.”
He snorted. “You sound as though you love him.”
“I do.” There was no hesitation now.
“It’s just me here, Ver. There’s no need for pretending.”
“I’m not.” My words were sharp, the head of a match hungry for a flame.
Quick as a wink, Viktor stepped close, pinning me between him and the wall. “You said he’s never kissed you as I have.”
I could feel the warmth of his breath on my lips, enticing and tempting me to tilt my head up, bridge the distance, and lose myself in the promise of those kisses once again.
I placed my hands on his chest, fingers spread wide, and he smiled as if he’d won. With gentle but firm pressure, I pushed him back, giving myself space away from him, from the dark twinkle in his eyes, from the danger of his beguiling grin.
“Love is more than just kissing. So much more.”
“That sounds like the feeble excuse of a girl who’s not been well kissed.”
“I’m choosing Alex.” I squirmed, uncomfortable with the way he still towered over me. “I’ve chosen Alex,” I corrected with emphasis.
He stared down at me, his face painfully unreadable, before turning and continuing down the passage. I hung back, surprised he’d given up so easily. He paused, listening for my footsteps. “Coming?”
Warily, I followed after him.
“So you’ve chosen Alex and Alex has chosen you and all of that is so very well and good, but what about children? Have you factored that into your decision?”
“Children might not be in the cards for us,” I said, trying to keep my voice even and expressionless.
“And if they are? Can you imagine raising little copies of everything you saw in those jars?” He shuddered.
I shrugged. “That wouldn’t happen. Whatever it is Gerard wants to achieve pairing us together…it won’t happen. Alex isn’t like the two of you. He can’t do anything like what you do.”
Viktor threw an impish glance over his shoulder, raising his eyebrows with brazen suggestion. “We already have that well established, Ver.”
He reached out as if to trail his fingers over my bodice, making his intention clear, but stopped just short of touching me. An embarrassed flush of heat rose up over my chest, burning my ears. Everything I wanted to convey felt too big to be cut up into neat, tidy little words. My feelings were too messy and smattered.
“Oh, Ver,” he said pityingly. “The things I could show you.”
“I don’t need you to show me anything,” I snapped, irritated by his tone and cavalier assumptions.
I pushed past him and stomped up the stairs, heedless of the dark and unfamiliar ground. The thirteen steps ended at a door and I fumbled for its handle, pushing it open without caring about where we were. Night air rushed down the stairwell, carrying with it the tickling scent of jasmine and orange blossoms. The world was all deep indigoes and inky blues. Twinkling stars spun in slow dances across the scope of sky, dazzling in their far-off beauty.
“The rooftop garden,” I murmured, remembering my first glimpse of the entryway’s spangled skylight.
It was in front of me now, so much bigger than what it appeared from the ground. Its glass plates jutted up at sharp angles, sleek and silvery in the moonlight. Thick lines of leading held the masterpiece together.
The rest of the roof was full of potted ferns and palms, bursts of flowering bushes and beds of night-blooming buds. Serpentine benches were nestled throughout the botanical splendor, the perfect spots for hidden assignations and the whispering of sweet nothings.
I heard Viktor’s footsteps behind me as he treaded up the stairs.
“Starlight,” he announced, sweeping his hand across the expanse with pride as if he’d engineered the entire thing himself.
“It’s beautiful,” I said perfunctorily. I crossed away, leaning against the railing while studiously avoiding any glance toward Viktor or those wicked little conversation benches.
“You’re mad at me.”
“Irritated,” I admitted.
He hummed, wandering toward the opposite end of the roof. “I probably deserve it.”
“You do.”
“Just…consider your options, Ver. All of them. You’ve been stuck on that chain of islands for far too long. You need to get out, experience the world before settling down. Explore its facets. Satisfy your curiosities.”
I turned and blinked at him incredulously. “You almost sound as though you’ve not been trapped in a rotting manor the whole of your life. ‘Experience the world,’？” I mimicked, lowering my voice in an attempt to match his baritone. “What world have you seen?”
“I’ve seen things,” he insisted. “I’ve done things.”
“I’m sure you have,” I said, making it clear I didn’t believe him.
“Tutors weren’t the only sort of attendants Father sent to Marchioly. There were girls.” Viktor’s lips rose in a half-smile as he remembered something. “Beautiful, beautiful girls.” He sniffed. “Julien wanted nothing to do with them, obviously. Just meant more for me…The things I did there would curl your toes, Ver.”
“I take it all back,” I said with a lofty, unimpressed air. “You’re an absolute connoisseur of sophisticated pleasures. A denizen of decadence and vice. I marvel at your worldly ways.”
His countenance fell and for a moment, his vulnerability reminded me of Alex.
“Where do you think you’ll go? After…everything? With the whole world before you?”
He shrugged and meandered over to the seat nearest the skylight. The glow from the inner foyer lit his face with a strange radiance, drawing me to the other end of the bench, despite myself.
“I don’t want to go anywhere,” he admitted. “All through my childhood, there was always this idea of Chauntilalie in my mind, like a beacon, a mecca, a perfect bright light on the horizon. Something to dream of, to reach for. It seems mad to just abandon it.”