Scrutinizing me, he takes a long drag of his smoke.
“Then don’t,” I tell him. “But if we’re being one hundred, he was right about a lot of what he said. We could have and should have done so much shit differently.”
“We did it to protect him,” he points out.
“That’s fair, but he’s no more guilty than we are.”
“Fuck no,” he refutes, “he purposely—”
“What?” I interject. “What exactly did he do that was so different? Fall in love with a woman he wasn’t supposed to fall for, put his life and our club in jeopardy, lie to his brothers about it, and do what he could to keep her by deceiving her?” I look over to him, “sound fucking familiar?”
“It’s different,” he snaps.
“It’s not,” I swallow, “It’s not different.”
“I can’t believe you’re taking up for him. He knew we loved her.”
“That might be the only thing you can justifiably hate him for, but you fucking know a lot of what he called us out for was true.”
“Reason away all you fucking want, but I’m not feeling any of them,” he states in blunt delivery.
A loud clatter erupts, and we look over to see Jeremy flailing as Russell pummels him playfully. Sean manages to crack a smile as I pin him with my next question.
“You were serious, weren’t you, when you said you wanted to marry her?” His eyes dart to me, and I can see the answer without him voicing it.
“I just wanted to love her.” I hear the crack in his voice, even over the noise surrounding us. “I just wanted it to be okay to fucking love her without the guilt.”
“You’re justified now,” I tilt the bottle toward him, “but I can’t fight with you about him. I’m exhausted, Sean.” My vision blurs briefly, and I shake my head to clear it.
He cups the back of his neck and nods.
“It’s your choice,” I relay in whatever tone I manage to muster. “It’s your choice to honor your ink or to walk away. I’m with whatever decision you make.”
A long silence follows as he turns back to me. “Can you forgive him?”
“Not tonight,” I answer, polishing off the bottle before lighting up my blunt.
“Jesus, you’re on a mission, huh?” He remarks, eyeing the bottle dubiously.
I shrug. “I’ve recently found myself in the position of having absolutely no fucks to give.”
He lights up again and exhales a plume of smoke, scanning the garage. “You think . . . think he was right?” he asks, “you think we’re a bunch of fucking idiots parading around—”
“Like soldiers? Taking Halloween dress up too far?” I finish, and he nods.
“All the time,” I shrug. “But I always come back to the same conclusion.”
“What’s that?” He asks, tone contemplative, and I know why.
“Why not us?”
He nods in understanding as we both ponder clipping our wings for the first time. As if sensing our collective predicament, Tyler catches my eyes where he stands feet away. I lift my chin to him, knowing he’s here in silent support, knowing he’d rather be somewhere else. Tyler had scraped us from the floor of the bay yesterday after Tobias left and whisked us to Delphine’s. We were so fucked up after the day’s events that we’d forgotten we were temporarily homeless.
But as of this morning, the three of us are commiserating together.
While Sean and my annihilations were swift, Tyler’s happiness will be stolen by the day.
Delphine’s last scan results came back, and her brief remission is over.
The stars have been generous in doling out more future, and I curse every one of those mother fuckers. For their unapologetic theft from Tyler and for allowing me a glimpse of heaven I can’t steal back. Tilting my bottle in defiance of them, I softly whisper, “fuck you.”
Pain spikes, and the consumed liquor attempts but fails to dissolve it in time as it spreads like the thrumming bass through the bay.
Getting swept in by the threatening burn, it’s the sudden thwack ringing out through the bay, cutting through the noise, that brings me somewhat back into the present. Tyler whips his head in our direction as all of us perk. It’s when the crash rings out again, the shatter of glass registering, that Tyler races into the lobby.
The music is cut abruptly, and all movement ceases as every bird in the garage postures up, their attention on the bay door just as Tyler announces the source from where he stands in the lobby. “It’s Cecelia . . . and she doesn’t fucking look happy.”
Another crash and shatter outside has Sean’s eyes darting to mine before he stalks toward the door, speaking up. “I’ve got it.”
Tyler joins him, and just as Sean lifts it, glass shatters inches from his face. He shields himself at the last second, expelling a “Jesus, fuck.”
Cecelia hurls more bottles toward us, and a few birds manage to dodge them as I flick my blunt. Sean takes a step toward her as her eyes dart from him to me—a flash of hurt flits through her livid gaze when she sweeps my whiskey-muted profile. Layla speaks up, caution in her voice, as she tries to reason with her while stunned by the state of her. “Cecelia . . . baby, what’s going on?”
Layla—who’s not in the know about any of what’s transpired in the last twenty-four hours—looks between Sean and me. “What did you fuckers do?”
The better question is, what haven’t we done to her?
The look of disgust in Cecelia’s expression, the wrath in her posture, says it all as she darts her focus around, betrayal and vengeance warring in her eyes.
I know the feeling, baby.
“Don’t bother,” she snaps in response to Layla’s gentle coaxing. “Don’t pretend to give a damn about me.”
“You know I didn’t have a choice,” Layla replies in a guilt-riddled tone.
“Oh bullshit,” Cecelia counters with a vicious bite, “you had a choice. You chose them. And guess what? You deserve them.”
“I’m sorry,” Layla offers in apology.
“Save it,” Cecelia refutes it, “you’ve all made your point. I think it’s time I made one of my own.” Lifting the gas can in her hand, she pours the rest of it into a large puddle in front of her, which serves as a barrier between us and the idling Jeep behind her. Between the beam of the headlights behind her and the light in the garage, I drink in every detail as the consumed whiskey fails to stifle the budding ache.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Sean snaps, surveying the damage to our lot as she lifts a bottle, rag soaked.
Tyler speaks up next, just as taken aback. “Jesus Christ, Cecelia, what the hell are you doing?!”
“Who did it?!” she demands as confusion sets in as to why Tobias went through with it—and apparently didn’t cop to it. Sean takes another step forward as she lifts the bottle in threat. “Take another step before I get my answer, and I’ll light this, and we’ll all see where it lands. Don’t fucking push me, Sean.”
“Put it down,” Sean orders, stunned by her wrath, but I know better.