I cast him an offhanded glance. “What are you doing?” I ask.
But he’s already dismounting. No sooner have his feet touched the ground than he grabs my waist and pulls me down.
I frown at him, my brows drawn together in confusion.
“I want to give you a better view,” he explains.
His wings spread wide behind him and, scooping me up, Death lifts us into the air.
Wind whips at my hair and drags tears from my eyes, but the higher up we go, the more that blue ocean takes up my vision, until it’s all I can see.
Thanatos brings his lips close to my ear. “I want to stay here, Lazarus, just for a little while.”
I assume he’s referring to being airborne, but then, not ten minutes later, we’re descending back to earth.
Beneath us, I see a strip of beach dotted with homes. We draw closer and closer to it, then we’re flying over the homes, their roof tiles flashing beneath us. Death lowers us onto the front yard of one of the beachside homes.
I step out of Death’s arms, taking in the palatial home. Bright, blooming bougainvillea creeps up the side of the house. A weathervane sits on top of the roof and a stone fountain is set into one of the walls of the home. These sorts of homes will never cease to shock me—that anyone can live such a grand lifestyle in a time when most people are eking out an existence. As I stare, I can hear the ocean calling out, the waves roaring as they crash upon the sand.
I turn around to face Thanatos.
“Why did we land here?” I ask.
“You need proper rest,” he says, frowning a little as his eyes flick over me.
I don’t know what he sees. I don’t feel worn down by travel. But maybe he’s reacting less to my physical state and more to my emotional one. I’ve been carrying a heavy sort of sadness around since I saw my mom.
“I’m fine,” I insist.
Thanatos steps in close, the dying sunlight playing upon his features. “Let me be human with you for a few days—or have you already given up on the prospect of convincing me you are all worth saving?”
My breath catches, and I search the horseman’s gaze.
I had given up on convincing Death. Maybe it was the criminals we encountered, or maybe it was seeing my mother. Maybe it was simply that for all my bending, Death wasn’t changing.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he says, his voice pitched low.
“Like what?”
“Like you are grieving. Like I am the reason for it.”
Absently, I touch the side of my face, unaware that I was looking at him like that.
I drop my hand. I don’t know what Thanatos wants me to do. I have been grieving, and he is the reason behind it. We both know it. I may care for him, I may even, even … love him, but it doesn’t matter. You can love something and know it’s bad for you.
“You fought me for months,” Death says stepping in close. He brings his knuckles up to my cheeks.
“I’m tired of fighting,” I say.
“I’m not asking you to fight, I’m just asking for you to not give up on me.”
“Wouldn’t that be easier?” I say. This might be the most exposed either of us has been with one another. “You wouldn’t have to deal with me agonizing over every lost town, and I wouldn’t make you second guess yourself.”
“If it makes you lose that light in your eyes, then no, it would not be worth it. It would never be worth it.”
Thanatos seems torn in two, his human wants getting in the way of his base nature. And right now, it seems as though his human wants are winning out.
Despite everything, I feel the barest breath of hope.
Maybe not all is lost.
I nod a little. “Alright,” I say softly. “Let’s stay here—just for a little while.”
Death smiles, and the whole world could be crashing down around us and I wouldn’t notice because that smile bewitches me.
“Just for a little while,” he agrees, then seals the promise with a kiss.
Chapter 64
Los Angeles, California
October, Year 27 of the Horsemen
The inside of the home is even grander than the outside, everything done in whites and creams and pale neutrals that I could never, ever keep nice and clean.
The back of the house is hardly more than a wall of windows, and through them, I can see where the true magnificence of this house lies. The backyard is massive, the back patio bracketed in by a low stone railing. A pathway descends down the sloping lawn, eventually giving way to golden sand. Beyond that lies the Pacific.
On impulse, I grab Death’s hand and head for the back doors. He lets me drag him outside. I don’t linger on that spacious patio, though a part of me wants to. I can all but see the lavish dinner parties that might have once been held here, under the twinkling stars, the smell of the ocean thick in the air. If I close my eyes, I can imagine that world, full of shimmering dresses and bubbly drinks and soft music playing in the background.