I let out a small noise, and then I am closing the distance between us.
Death gives me a confused look, but before he can do more than that, I grab his face. Without thinking twice about it, I press a harsh, grateful kiss to his lips. I can taste his shock.
Thanatos doesn’t have time to react before I’m pulling away.
“Thank you,” I say, my voice hoarse. I still hold his face captive, and we’re still only inches apart, and it’s close enough to see his rising desire. The look wars with his own guilt, but his eyes flick to my lips, and I see a little more of that guilt retreat.
“Thank you,” I say again, drawing his gaze back up to mine.
His jaw clenches, but he nods his head ever so subtly.
I drop my hands and move away. Those walls I’ve built to keep him out, they came down there for a few seconds, but even now I can feel them building themselves back up. I don’t need to put those walls back in place, all things considered, but I can’t help it. Over the last year, they’ve become comfortable.
I take a deep breath. “So,” I say, clearing my throat. “How did you find me and my son in that hospital room?” I ask, trying to bring the conversation back to something civil.
“I sense the living, but I can only see through the eyes of the dead and dying,” Thanatos says. “When your son began dying,”—I flinch at the word—“he invited me in. I peered through his eyes—and that’s when I saw you. I flew as fast as I could, and I believe you know the rest of the story.”
And now that I know my son is safe, I can truly breathe easy. All that’s left now is to navigate this new path I’ve been placed on.
I turn my attention to the house.
An elaborate driveway lined with hedges cut into pleasing shapes leads to the massive home. Pale pink roses climb up a portion of the house and there appears to be more of them enclosed in a nearby garden. Amongst all the foliage there’s an oxidized statue of a boy playing a flute, the calcium deposits along its body suggesting that it was once a fountain, though it doesn’t look to be working at the moment.
A lion’s head is mounted above the entryway and a circular room fitted with a stained glass window rests to one side of the house. And then of course are the other windows, which are so large, they seem to have no end.
I’ve never been anywhere near such a magnificent house.
“Shall I show you inside?” Death says.
That’s when I realize that while I’ve been studying the house, he’s been studying me, watching me with those eyes that see too much.
My attention shifts to him. “We’re staying here?” I ask, just to be sure.
“Does it displease you?” Thanatos responds.
It’s the most breathtaking place I’ve ever seen.
I’m caught in the web of his gaze. I have no idea what he would do if I told him, yes, this place displeases me. Probably drag me inside anyway, the heathen.
But it doesn’t displease me. Not much about this situation displeases me, except for the fact that I’ve been forced to part with Ben, and I have no idea when I’ll see him again. That aside, I am unnerved by how much of me is okay with being dragged away by some ancient death deity who’s killing off the world and now wants to shack up with me.
“We’re really going to do this again?” I say, trying to shake the strange, uneasy feeling I have.
“Would you prefer that I travel ceaselessly, forcing you to never stop, never rest?” he asks. “Because I would prefer that.”
“Then why don’t you do that?” I ask.
The horseman’s expression grows solemn—and perhaps a touch fervent. “I want to see the expression your face makes when it’s happy. I don’t know why, but I do. I have seen you angry and hateful and disappointed and sad—so sad—Lazarus. I want to see what stokes the fire in that soul of yours and lights you up from within.”
I have to look away from him. There’s so much blame I place at his feet, it’s hard to see him when his humanity seeps in—and it’s especially so when that kindness is directed at me.
I move away from the horseman, trying to put distance between us. His pretty words are going to take my walls down faster than I can bear to part with them.
As I head up the driveway towards the massive front door, I hear Death behind me and I can feel those ancient eyes taking me in. But he seems content to just watch me do my thing. It’s only as I reach for the doorknob that I wonder about the house’s occupants.