“So, both Football Live and Sports Today want to buy the rights to your story. Sports Today is obviously big time, and they let me break the news about your plans for next year when we made that announcement. But I like the woman at Football Live magazine a lot. And they have a female president over there, which I, of course, love. But then I got a really nice call from Audrey. Do you remember me mentioning her? She was my mentor during my internship at Strive Forward magazine. They are hiring, as well, and she said they’d be thrilled to have me.”
“So, you have three really good offers. The others aren’t in the running?”
“No. I definitely want to go with one of these three. It’s just, you know, there’s a lot to consider.”
The back of his hand grazed mine as we walked, and he glanced over at me. “What is there to consider?”
“All three are talking about full-time positions, which is important for me moving forward. So, it comes down to pay, benefits, and how much control I will actually have over what I write and where it’s featured. And then the big kahuna—where I’d be located.”
He came to a stop and turned to face me. “Where do you want to be located?”
I laughed because he was so funny about certain things. He’d made it clear he wanted to be together. In fact, he couldn’t wait for this story to break so we could go public with our relationship. But he had not pushed me at all to sign in New York, even though we both knew it would make our lives easier.
“I don’t really have a say in that, you know? But obviously, I’d like to be close to you. Both Football Live and Sports Today are based in San Francisco, but that doesn’t mean that I couldn’t work remotely down the road. You know, once I prove myself. And then Strive Forward magazine is located in New York, which would obviously be very convenient, as well.”
“I’m not going to lie, I’d fucking love to wake up with you every day like we’re doing right now. But I know your career is important to you, and I want to support that. So, wherever you go, we’ll make it work. Do I prefer you to be in New York with me? Fuck, yeah. But I can’t really demand that, can I?” His gaze locked with mine, and a loud laugh escaped when I realized that he was actually asking for permission to be a caveman.
“Um, no. You can’t demand that.”
“Fuck. That’s what I thought.” He shrugged, and we started walking again. “So, you’ll go interview with all three of them, and your gut will tell you what to do.”
“Do you always listen to your gut?”
“I do. It’s never failed me. Not with football, not with you, and it even told me to hear out Romeo when he showed up on your front porch. Your instincts are there for a reason. And if you don’t know what to do, you can always ask me, and I’ll be happy to tell you what to do.”
I laughed. “You are so ridiculous. You’re not my boss; you’re my lover.”
We walked through the backyard and into the house.
“You can be the boss of me anytime you want, sweetheart.”
“Yeah? I can tell you whatever I want you to do, and you’ll do it?”
“Correct.” He handed me a bottle of water and tugged me close.
“How about we read that letter?” It had been sitting on the counter for the last two days since Romeo left, and he kept putting it off.
“What do I get if I read the fucking letter?” He thrust against me, letting me know exactly what he wanted.
“How about we read the letter, and then you can have your way with me in the shower?”
“Fine. You read it. I’ll listen.” He handed me the letter and moved to the table where we settled across from one another. Lincoln had a thick skin, and he wanted everyone to believe he didn’t care because he didn’t know his father. But it was something that had always bothered him, so he obviously cared. And I hoped that this could be a form of closure for him.
I opened the sealed envelope and pulled out the lined notebook paper before glancing up at him to make sure he was okay with me moving forward. He gave me a slight nod, and I unfolded the paper.
A photo of what looked like a young Lincoln and Abi was inside the letter, and I handed him the photo. He stared at it for a few moments and then nodded at me to start.
The letter was handwritten in black ink.
I turned the paper around to show him the date.
“He wrote this last fall,” I said, and Lincoln nodded.
“Lincoln, Hell, I’ve tried to write this letter a million times, and I couldn’t find the words. But tonight, I watched you play the Cougars and dominate the football game on TV. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around it—that I had any part in creating such a magnificent man. I’ve been keeping tabs on you where I could without getting too close, and I have to shake my head every time I learn more about you. A straight-A student, a superior athlete, and a great son to Abi. I’m not deserving of any ounce of your light, so I’ll watch from a distance. But I need you to know that I didn’t walk away because I didn’t love you and your mom. I walked away because I didn’t love myself.” I paused to clear my throat and take a sip of water. I glanced up at Lincoln, and his face was hard as he listened. So, I returned my gaze to the paper.
“I’m not here to make excuses. I didn’t have a great upbringing, and I wasn’t worthy of your mother. I knew it the first time I met her, but I couldn’t walk away back then. The pull was too strong. She was all goodness and sunshine and warmth. Something I didn’t feel deserving of back then. And when she got pregnant with you, I panicked. I wasn’t ready. She embraced it. Worked double shifts and read everything she could about becoming a mother. I turned to the bottle and drugs and anything I could to escape. When you came into the world, I was there. I watched you take your first breath,” I said, and my voice cracked. I could feel the pain in his words. Lincoln’s face remained hard, and I continued.
“Your mother told me I hadn’t earned the right to give you my name, and she was right. I’d abandoned her long before you entered the world. She’d made it clear that if I wasn’t going to step up and be the man you both deserved, she’d do it all on her own. And there was no doubt in my mind that she meant it. So, I stuck around for a few days and then tucked tail and ran.” I paused to take a breath because this was heavier than I’d imagined it would be and watched as Lincoln took a long pull from his water bottle. The way his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat and his jaw ticked from clenching his teeth so hard had my heart squeezing.
“You okay?”
“Yep. Finish it up. Let’s get this done.”
I nodded. “I know I don’t deserve the title of being your father. I’ve known it every day since the day you were born. But I want you to know that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I wish I’d been man enough to step up to the plate back then. Man enough to show up on your birthdays and Christmas and attend your football games. It’s the very least I could have done. But fear had a choke hold on me, Lincoln. And I didn’t want to face what I’d done to you, so I let more and more time go by, terrified to look into your eyes and see the disappointment that I knew would be there.