It was never about me or my writing ability.
They wanted Lincoln.
This was all new to me, and my head was spinning.
I knew if I stayed here right now that Lincoln would try to fix this for me.
But just like he needed time to figure out where he wanted to play all those months ago, I needed to figure out my future, too.
I dried off and got dressed, throwing my clothes into my bag and dragging my suitcase out.
Lincoln was just closing the front door, and he held up a bag of food from our favorite restaurant in the city.
But I wasn’t in the mood to eat or to celebrate.
His gaze moved to my suitcase. “The first sign of trouble, and you’re already running?”
“I’m not running, Lincoln. I’m going home. I need to think. I need to see how this works. I need to know where I fit.”
“You fit right fucking here,” he said, his hand pounding on his chest. “If you don’t know that, then you don’t know me the way that I thought you did.”
I cleared my throat and tipped up my chin. “I know you. I know you’ll just try to fix this and tell me everything will be fine. But I need to figure out my stuff, and I can’t do that when I’m with you.”
“Why the fuck not?”
“Because I love you. And I want to make you happy. But I need to make sure I don’t smother myself in the process. Can you just give me this time?”
“It doesn’t sound like I have a choice.” He wrapped his arms around me. “But you don’t need to leave. I fly out tomorrow. This is your home.”
“I need to think, Lincoln. I do that best at home, sitting on the shore.” I pushed up on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek.
It felt like goodbye.
But neither of us was willing to say those words.
thirty
Lincoln
“That was an impressive first day, Linc,” Coach Balboa said. “You’re exactly what this team needs. I think we’re going to take it the whole way this year.”
“Yeah. It’s a great group of guys. We’re going to work well together.”
“You’re at the hotel for now, right? You going to check out a few houses this week?” he asked as we walked toward the locker room.
I nodded, but my gut was in knots today. I hadn’t slept well the last two nights because I missed my girl something fierce. We’d barely spoken, but I’d called to check on her a few times. I was trying to respect her space, but it was fucking killing me.
“Yep. I have a few homes lined up to tour later in the week.”
“When is Brinkley coming out?” he asked. He knew we were together, as did Brett and Lenny. Hell, they’d all seen it the first time they’d met her before we were even together. I think they probably knew before I did.
I scrubbed a hand down the back of my neck and let out a breath. “Not sure. She’s going through some shit. You know, dating me isn’t easy, especially if you’re trying to make a name for yourself as a sports journalist.”
He came to a stop. “How so?”
“You don’t need to waste your time on this shit. You’ve got a team to coach.”
“Lincoln, you’re a member of this team. That means we’re family. Your problems are my problems. Tell me what’s going on. I’ve been married for thirty-five years, and I have three daughters. I know a thing or two about women.” I smiled. This was what I hadn’t had on my last team. Balboa actually cared about his players, and we weren’t just dollar signs to him.
“She had an interview with Sports Today the day before I flew out. They asked that she bring me along to the interview.”
“It’s not public knowledge that you’re a couple yet, right? Why’d they want you there?”
“She wrote that story about me, and she’s been shopping it around. Obviously, they want it. So, they were going to make her an offer for a full-time position, along with her agreeing to give them the story. But when we got there, they didn’t do that. They basically just wanted me to agree to as many interviews as they wanted as leverage to give her a job. They treated her pretty shitty, and I got her the hell out of there.”
“That’s just fucking wrong. I’m guessing she doesn’t want to give them the story or work there now.”
“She was mad but also really disappointed. She’d really wanted it. Then she was questioning if a part of me was happy because it meant that was one less potential position that would keep her out west. And sure, I’d like her to be living here with me; I can’t deny that. But I didn’t want that shit to happen. And then you add in the element that now, she doesn’t know if anyone will hire her for the right reasons, and she doesn’t want to just be known as my girlfriend, or some shit like that. Hell, I get it. She was mad I jumped in, but I wasn’t about to sit there any longer after the way they were treating her. I don’t know.” I scrubbed a hand down my face. “She wants some time to figure out where she fits into my world and how this will work.”
He nodded. “I get that. It’s a lot. Relationships are tough on their own, but bringing in the element of fame, and her wanting to find her own way with her career, complicates things. But the greatest advice I can give you is that this is not about you, Lincoln. She’s trying to prove herself, and I’m guessing it’s not easy to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t need to prove himself anymore. She’s a strong woman. It sounds like she doesn’t want to just exist in your world; she wants to create her own and share it with you. Hell, it’s refreshing. Think about how many women out there want to be with you for the wrong reasons. You’ve found the one that isn’t in it for the fame or for what you can do for her. She wants to make her own way. I fucking respect the hell out of that.”
“I agree. But I don’t know how to fix it.”
“Well, I think she told you how to fix it. By giving her space to deal with it herself. You could try just listening to what she asked of you. Respecting her wishes.”
“Fuck. Patience is not my strength. She’s not calling much, just short little texts. I’m freaking the fuck out.”
“Take it from a man who has lived with four women… you’ll get better over time. She doesn’t want you to interfere. She wants you to trust her to handle it. It’s pretty simple, actually.”
“And what if she goes to work for some asshole like Lou Colson? Am I just supposed to stand by and do nothing?”
“Absolutely. That’s exactly what you do until she asks for your help. She’s a strong woman. Do you really think she’s going to put up with a guy like Lou for long? You’ve got to trust her, Linc. It won’t work if you don’t. She’s fighting for that independence right now. Let her have it.”
“Fuck. You make a good point.” I shrugged. “I’ll give her space. I’m going to catch a shower and head out.”
“All right. Call me if you need anything. Good job today. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I thought about what he’d said as I showered, and after I dried off and got dressed, I made my way back to the hotel.