Mouse5150: Maybe magic-using Rogue elf wasn’t best idea?
Although she caught various levels of shit from the rest （except for Otter, who remained largely silent）， she was at least gratified to see that they weren’t complete dicks about it. She’d seen total flame wars break out when irate gamers felt like their teammates were fucking up. As a woman, it seemed to be ten times worse—she’d never been called “cunt” so many times in a five-minute period as she had the last time she’d tried to join a guild—so this was at least a step up.
They made it past lower-level bosses, finally arriving at the final boss. Most of the shit-talking had died down, thankfully, and the chat box had basically narrowed down to calls for healing or shouts for help, spells, and so on. They took a quick break.
OtterLeader: All right, gear up. This guy is nasty. Fire magic, blood draw, blood poison, and if he hits you, good chance at death. I’ve got some re-gen, but Gandalf, want you to help.
GandalfTheGay: On it
OtterLeader: Cyr, need ranged ice attacks. Anybody got extra magic potions for him?
There was some quick trading and prep as people made sure their weapons and armor were charmed, that they were loaded up with whatever they needed. She switched from her now-battered armor to her fireproof Lev 100 armor that she’d gotten as a special drop from a limited-time mission a year ago. She also equipped her own ice attack, which was marginal—and then her close attack, a frozen blade of draining. It wasn’t ideal. Some would argue she ought to use a shield and sword, or just be a mage. At least she wasn’t still wearing heavy armor, like she used to. Kit had hounded her mercilessly until she’d accepted that elves needed to wear light armor, for a variety of reasons.
OtterLeader: All right. Ready?
DangerNoodle: Hell yah
TheFerocity: Let’s GOOOOOO
BigDorkEnergy: Born ready
Maggie didn’t bother to respond, just followed the others. Then she noticed a private note in the chat, from Otter.
OtterLeader: If you start getting swamped, get by me, I’ll keep you clear. Don’t worry.
She frowned, a little offended.
BOGWITCH: I’ll be fine.
OtterLeader: Just sayin
Her frown evolved into a scowl, and she quickly typed as the boss did his monologue of I will destroy your puny lives blah blah blah.
BOGWITCH: Because I’m a woman?
OtterLeader: Because you’re level 27 and everybody else here is 50 or higher. I’m a level 100 healer. And this is your first time.
OtterLeader: No offense.
After a moment’s irritation, she relented. If she were leading a group, she’d probably feel protective of the noobs too. Well, unless they were acting like dumbasses. She probably wouldn’t protect, say, BigDorkEnergy. She huffed out an irritated breath, then quickly typed: BOGWITCH: sorry
OtterLeader: No worries
He seemed nice, this Otter guy. Good leader, good healer. She would’ve liked more women—any other woman—in the guild, but considering they were local and she hadn’t met a lot of women who liked video games out here, maybe it was just specific to this crew. From what Deb had said, it sounded like they all knew each other. She was lucky they were open to taking her on, sight unseen. They seemed to have good stats, especially for a closed group.
Now the archduke had stopped blathering, and the real battle commenced. It was hard—maybe not Dark Souls hard, but pretty challenging. There were tons of “HEAL” calls going on in the chat, and “RE-GEN” came up a few times. She charged in, which made the chat explode.
TheFerocity: Y would you do that
DangerNoodle: B R U H
BigDorkEnergy: FOH
That is, until she started whaling on the archduke. She’d seen how it fought and knew its weak spots. She started stabbing at the back of its knees—a kind of Easter egg/shout-out to LOTR, maybe?—and the ice and drain did significant damage. Predictably, the group was shocked.
Mouse5150: How are you doing that???
BigDorkEnergy: 2500 points? With two stabs? Ya right DangerNoodle: B R U H
TheFerocity: She’s hacking, fr
She ignored them, continuing to kick the archduke’s ass. With the help of the mages and the warriors, who were able to make sharper attacks with the archduke trying to fight off her combination of ice and draining, they took it out handily. She smiled.
TheFerocity: U hacking?
BigDorkEnergy: obvs
DangerNoodle: Total hacks
Now her grin turned sharp, and she typed furiously.
BOGWITCH: Don’t hate the player
OtterLeader: Lol
GandalfTheGay: didn’t think that would work, but you did it DangerNoodle: Hack
BOGWITCH: enough hackusations. Unless you wanna go?
DangerNoodle: Nah—just sayin
Thankfully, Mouse—who appeared to be coleader—stepped in again.
Mouse5150: That was impressive. You’re higher level than this usually, aren’t you?
She took a deep breath. This was it. Time for the truth.
BOGWITCH: Got two level hundred characters. Just wanted to see how you guys would treat a noob before I committed.
OtterLeader: Lol
BigDorkEnergy: You fuckin smurf!
DangerNoodle: Lol Respect
TheFerocity: Totally gonna dominate the leader boards now BigDorkEnergy: One of us! ONE OF US!
She shook her head, still grinning slightly. Until the next line.
DangerNoodle: Y named Bogwitch? R U ugly?
DangerNoodle: Or hot?
She scoffed. If she didn’t stand up now, they’d start in. She knew it. It was prison-yard rules. Don’t show fear. Don’t show weakness. Establish dominance immediately.
BOGWITCH: Not interested.
DangerNoodle: Just asking
BOGWITCH: I’m old enough to be your mothers. Or grandmothers. And good enough to kick your ass.
BigDorkEnergy: Lol
GandalfTheGay: YAAAASSSS we stan a queen TheFerocity: talk shit get hit
DangerNoodle: I’m not into GILF action gross Mouse5150: And on that note . . . next week, we’re tackling the citadel They divided the loot, then did the whole “gg” good-game business and signed off. Except for Otter, who private chatted with her again, catching her before she logged off.
OtterLeader: GG
BOGWITCH: thx, same
OtterLeader: We play Thursdays, same time, mostly. Sometimes on weekends. Today was a one-off. People are welcome to team up for other stuff as well. I sent you the rules. You’re good to join?
BOGWITCH: sure
She was never sure how to end these sorts of conversations. She wasn’t clear on texts, either . . . always felt like she was either being rude by bailing or irritating by keeping someone tied up. It was close to eleven, though, and she imagined they’d have—school in the morning? Work? She didn’t know.
OtterLeader: I think you’ll be a good addition to the team. Looking forward to playing some more. If you have any questions or anything—I know you’re a pro and all, but about the schedule or you want specific quests or whatever—just let me know.
He was very polite. Maybe too polite?
BOGWITCH: Again: old enough to be your mother. No funny stuff!!
There. Just to really put paid to the idea of anybody hitting on her.
OtterLeader: I would never. See you tomorrow.
She signed off, then looked at the chat. Well. That had gone better than planned. She had a life.
Sort of.
CHAPTER 7