I’d spent the entire day yesterday crying, both numb and feeling too much, and I knew I had to at least get up and do something with myself today. I couldn’t let it fester.
“I don’t know,” I told her. “I think we just…continue to plan it and then you can make the decision how you want to proceed based on what happens.”
Based on what happens.
I nearly choked over a sob.
I had no idea what any of this would mean.
What was going to happen to Ryder.
What danger he was in both with whoever he was trying to get away from and legally.
I couldn’t just call up Ezra and ask what kind of deal had been made, and I’d fled from Ryder’s house long before any of those questions had arisen.
Now they came at me perpetually.
Relentlessly.
“Are you sure you want to deal with it?”
“I honestly need something to do to take my mind off things.”
The pain and the torment that continually wound through me. Because I missed him, so much, and it was brutal not to answer the texts that he continually sent.
Begging me to talk to him.
To listen.
But I’d listened for so long, and now I didn’t know if I could ever believe what he had to say again.
“Only if you’re positive.”
“I am. And besides, Caleb deserves his day,” I promised her.
She swallowed hard. “And you’re sure you don’t want to stay here for a couple more days?”
I flinched, hating the idea of being alone, but I still had a dream to follow. A restaurant to run. The life I’d built for Kayden. I couldn’t allow this to destroy any of that, even though the clot of guilt inside me was so big I was sure it was obstructing the flow of blood.
But I would figure out something.
How to make this right.
How to pay restitution for a sin that had been made on my part.
“I need to be at the café by six in the morning. I think it’s best if I go home.”
Home.
The thought of it juddered through me. I’d only been staying with Ryder for a short time, but his house had come to feel that way. Like it was where we belonged.
Those walls safety and love.
“Okay, but if you need anything at all, I want you to call me. Caleb meant what he said. You and Kayden always have a place here.”
“I know. Thank you so much for being there for me.”
Paisley wrapped me in her arms. “Um, hello, you’re my Doodle-Boo. You think I wouldn’t be?”
A wave of appreciation billowed. “I know, and I’m so grateful for that.”
She stepped back, but she continued to hold me by the outside of the arms. “Call me tonight before you go to sleep, okay? I’m going to be worried about you.”
“I will. But you don’t have to worry. I’m going to be okay.”
“I know you are, but that doesn’t mean you’re not in pain right now, and I’d do anything to take that away.”
“Which is why I love you so much.” I forced a smile.
“What’s not to love?” She let the razzing wind into her voice, and I chuckled through the waves of sorrow as I opened the door to step out into the late afternoon light. Warmth saturated the air, the fading summer still holding on, though the color of the leaves on the trees had begun to change.
Kayden was with Evelyn on the lawn that fronted the house. He squealed as his little feet padded the ground, and she chased him, her giggles riding free as they played.
The second Kayden saw me, he changed course and ran my direction. “Mommy, help me! Evie is a horsey monster!”
I scooped him up and hugged him close. “Oh, no, a horsey monster? I’ll protect you.”
Evelyn cracked up, and she used both her hands to push the thick locks of her hair out of her face. “I’m not even really a monster, Auntie Dakota. Did you know that?”
I ran my hand over the top of her head. “Are you sure?” I teased.
“If I was really a horse, I’d be a nice horse, like Mazzy.”
Affection rippled, and I leaned down and kissed her cheek. “You are the sweetest, Evie. We’ll see you soon. Thank you for helping to take care of Kayden while we were here.”
“I really liked it and I can be a babysitter and I don’t even need any money.”
“Well, that’s an offer that’s too hard to pass up,” I told her, glancing at Paisley who watched her with a crush of devotion.
They all walked us to our car, hovering as I strapped in Kayden, and Paisley hugged me again once he was safely buckled. “If you need me, I’ll come running,” she said as I sat in the driver’s seat.